College makes me feel incapable, thwarts my desire to learn

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I've gone through about 3 months spent studying on a daily basis with 35-40 hours a week of studying excluding lectures. Before and after submitting any assignment, exam, etc. I get a bout of strong anxiety. The more evaluations I submit without them yet being graded, the more anxiety I feel on a constant basis, and the more it builds up. This anxiety deters me from having any contact with the material until I get my grade back. Obviously, that reduces my enthusiasm for learning. It's awful, because I love a lot of what we are learning, but forcing myself to perform at my best all the time puts a lot of stress on me - no wonder I am drained and exhausted.

Part of the problem is, I feel that the quality of my work is inferior no matter what. There are people in my life constantly assuring me that I am an exceptional achiever, etc., but my mind refuses to believe that. Even though I have straight A's, I refuse to believe that my next assignment will be as good as my previous one. I always expect my mind to screw up, forget something, and ultimately fail and I don't even know why.

I have been going into escapes lately; one of my interests is fashion and I often waste innumerable amounts of time looking at outfits instead of doing something more productive. Today, I actually just got on the bus, went to the mall, and spent over $400. I do the same with another interest of mine, environmental protection (i.e. researching it online) but I cannot engage in anything related to school anymore because of the stress, no matter how much I used to be interested in the subject. When I try to make myself read about it, my mind just filters it out and goes into thinking about other things. What is scary is that I am so stressed that I cannot even talk to my friends anymore about anything other than myself and the things I need to do for college. I perseverate on my grades/work I need to do and yet I find it hard to actually focus on the work.

I have two exams coming up and I am not sure what to do. I have spent two hours today just trying to get myself to revise an assignment. I know my body and mind just want to escape the stress, but it's also not normal how I'm no longer enjoying things that are not as superficial as clothes, stupid music, or repetitive online activities. Any research I do is not very productive, to say the least. I'm just not myself anymore and I want to stop this somehow while still pulling off A+'s (hopefully) on my exams. How do I calm down and restore my motivation in spite of not having my grades back for several things?

Have you tried actually allowing yourself to have fun? It seems like all of the activities you engage in that aren't school are an escape, but a GUILTY escape. Have you thought about setting a schedule for fun time and school time?

Do you notice you learn better in the mornings or at night? If so, try scheduling everything school related at the time you perform best at.

What about staying at your college to study instead of coming right home?

Have you tried study groups?

What about making learning "fun"? I used to just learn for the sake of it. Now, I find that listening to "fun" videos enables me to learn better, and thus motivates me. My sister makes songs/raps out of information she learns. It's pretty cool, actually. I know it may seem childish, but it works for me.

It really, REALLY sounds like you are just getting burnt out. Pick a FULL day just to have fun, and anything you catch yourself worrying about school, say out loud "This is MY day".

I just realized that I may have come off like I think your problems are simple, thus my advice would obviously work. I hope I didn't minimize your problems. I might have worded things wrong.

I was trying to make a few suggestions, but they might not work. I really do "feel" for you.

It sounds like college burn out.

Consider taking an easy semester next. Take just one class. It will give yourself time to focus on yourself not being constantly on top of a lot of schoolwork.

For the time being you could try and see the assignments not as 'I have to the best I can' but rather 'I have to do them only to get a good grade' ..and you know there is a different between your very best and 'meh, this will get an A' type of work.

You seem to have an instinctual/intrinsic grasp of the material, fortunately. This will assist you during your difficult stretches. I would continue progressing toward my degree, even if I lighten the load a bit, as Dantac mentioned.

College/university could be a grind at times.

I'm thinking: it seems obvious you're a mathematics major; are you thinking, specifically, of going into the Actuarial field?

I've had stretches similar to what you're going through now. My solution was to pursue more pleasurable interests, such as the weather (ironically). And to make contact with the world at large, even if the neurotypicality did not whet my appetite at first.

When I became introspective and self-absorbed, I suffered even more. I did not receive fresh outside input--only that which arose from my own mind. Input from one mind tends to become "old, fast."

I believe, ultimately, that you will succeed; adversity breeds a more substantive form of success.

Thank you for your suggestions. I love studying and I also love study groups; the problem is, often, people go on tangents or they are simply not interested in these things because they study last minute.

I can't study last minute and do well because my short-term memory sucks and my processing is slow, while my long-term memory is excellent.

I have no problem studying the same subjects on my own for fun in the same way I study for them for school, so it's not that I don't enjoy learning this way, although having more social learning would be great. The real issue here is that the evaluations and the goal of working toward grades makes me so stressed about school materials that it takes the joy out of learning. With school, I also find everything rushed and crammed in.

There are people with Asperger's who have taken 5 courses and did well, so I have no excuse. I just have weird anxiety problems regarding evaluations and grades that I am not sure how to resolve. Taking breaks doesn't work for me because I get so hyperfocused on everything, even my thoughts, that switching from one task to another is extremely difficult. I find that there is so much stuff to do with school and I am scared of letting myself have any "fun" time because that would mean I wouldn't learn as much and would therefore get a lower grade of exams and people will consequently think less of me and my abilities.

I agree that it's burnout. I'm a psychology major, actually, but I do a lot of stats which is math. I created this username years ago when I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do. I'm an extroverted person so doing solitary work for hours is not my thing, which is why I stayed away from math.

I feel that stakes are high for me because my parents didn't want me to do psychology because they thought it wouldn't get me into any feasible career. Now, I feel I have to go to grad school to get a job. I feel extremely pressured to do better than everyone else. I feel the competitive nature of the society we live in all too well.