Don't feel proud of grateful for anything

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I'm finding it too difficult change my thought patterns.

I feel like I've achieved nothing in life, although I know this isn't true.

I don't feel grateful for the things I have, even though I know I should. I just fear them being taken from me.

Being part of the working poor is getting to me. My pay is ridiculously low for the job I do and they've increased my responsibilities. I live below the relative poverty line even though I'm talented and qualified. Work don't support me. If the union are going to help, this could take a long time because we have no representative. I will put myself forward to be representative but this will take a long time to sort out. I am always looking for other jobs and thus have little free time. I don't want to do anything in my free time, anyway.

I don't want to do anything. My will and my emotions are broken.

I am now ill again and I will need medication again if things don't improve.

This is too much, even for someone who can put up with a moderate amount of depression. Moderately depressed is my happy.

I'm nearly 30 and my life has been all underachievement, bad luck and mental illness.

I was determined not to make the next decade of my life as wasteful as the last one. I keep hitting obstacles and I feel so tired I could sleep for the next decade.

This will pass but it will definitely come back again, unless I die first. Depression is a boomerang. It bounces back harder than I ever can.

This might not be for you, but Tony Attwood and others believe that sutistic self-esteem can be bolstered by the individual creating an "emotion scrapbook."

Here is one paper that explains how and why doing this can help:

http://www.mindsandhearts.net/images/st ... e_2014.pdf

I don't a scrapbook per se, but, like Benjamin Franklin I have several lists of accomplishments (positive emotions), things to improve (transitive emotions) and things I don't like about myself (negative emotions). The lists are always being updated and changed as I enjoy or work on their items.

So, the scrapbook (or list of accomplishments) idea works, at least for me! Try it out.

puddingmouse, I can relate, and I'm so sorry to read how bad you feel. I just wanted to send some love and support as your post moved me.

I think the very concept of "pride" is a dangerous disease. Grateful it seems would require an entity or being to be grateful TO, that I don't believe in. I would substitute either "satisfied" or "content" for the term grateful, and the word "fortunate" for the word grateful. This is sufficient for me.

I'm sorry to hear the depression is back.I was hoping the reason you hadn't been around was maybe things were going really well and you were too happy and busy to post.
You are a wonderful person,it's a shame that some of the best people seem to get more than their share of suffering.Stay strong.

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling a bit better now. I have a week off work.

I'm going to start a blog that discusses issues about poverty and inequality in the UK. Sort of journalism. I've had some poetry published. It's not like I don't do things. A new day job will turn up eventually if I keep looking.

i have very different problems from you. i feel mine are more self caused. but somehow i still feel i can relate to a lot of the sentiments you have related. motivation is so very hard. i think people really fail to understand this problem. how we are often motivated for the wrong reasons, or how good motivation can be so hard to attain.
i don't really know if i'm being coherent. i just have felt it was important to reply to this. you seem way too intelligent and talented to be held back for too long. and i know that's such a cliche thing to say. but i really do get a strong feeling from the posts i read from you.
sorry if this is a mess. perhaps it won't be read. i still felt i wanted to give it a try.

Your words struck a chord with me too, but Im stuck for words. I think everyone has something to loose at all points in time, but you might not know what it is until its gone and you miss it. Im trying to say, I know its hard but dont give up