i dont feel my sn anymore

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i dont feel my sn anymore. hyperion was the titan of light. it how i always felt. just getting through i day is miserable nor light or dark.

do you go to councelling?
if not, i think it should help.

im going to. the only pscylogist to return my calls said my problems were to sever for her to tackle.
but if the issue is nuerologic that it game over. nothing can be done. nerve tisue just almost does regenerate.

Perhaps you're affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder? Many medical supply companies rent light boxes for a month at a time.... you could see if that helps before contemplating purchase. I used one when I lived in Seattle for a couple of years and thought it was a lot of mumbo jumbo so I was really, really suprised that it helped with mood so much.

Also, and this might not be true for you, but I found that the more time I spent thinking about how miserable I was the harder it was to break out of the cycle. Exercise helped quite a bit, even when I didn't feel like it I'd force myself so at least if I was miserable blob I was doing something to keep me from becoming a flabby miserable blob. Exercise hard and long enough at something aerobic and the brain churns out the feel-good endorphins.

Another thing that helped sometimes was getting out of my self-centered mindset by volunteering in my community. There are a lot of things one can volunteer to do that don't require a lot of interaction with people. United Way offices, Red Cross & the like are often able to suggest organizations that could use some help with things like stuffing envelopes for a charity office or maintaining the snack area at blood donation centers, for example.

iv been forced to take serious delibating mind alterning drugs

What exactly is it that you aren't feeling anymore?

emotion thought any kind sense of who i am, memories of anything that happened to me. the list goes on

oh, that makes sense to me! when I feel like that, (and I have many times,) that is when I start building my next persona. then I have cohesion for a few years then I start feeling like that, (amnisia about my feelings and no sense of my own identity) and then I build another 'alter' again. of course I have to move and find another job, new people to call 'friends', another back story for curious folks, but after all these years, I really don't know another way.

I don't know if a psychologist would understand, though. probably slap some sort of disorder lable on it and hold me at arms length as they tried to get me 'well'

that's one of the best things about being 'in the wild' what one does to cope is ok.

Merle

You know you need to get away from your father, hyperion. You can get control of your life and move on.