I Feel So Behind...

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(WARNING: This is going to be a very long, sad rant that some, or maybe even many, may not want to bother to read).

As the title suggests, I feel so behind in the social realms of life. I feel so... Immature. Unwanted. Unloved. I feel like all of my friends are getting out into the world and actually DOING things. They're all going out to town together and getting boyfriends and doing what any Neurotypical teenager would do, whereas I, alas, am at home all the time on the Internet, talking to people I have and probably never will see face-to-face. I honestly feel like I'm in a marathon; one where all my friends are far ahead of me both socially and emotionally, and I'm struggling to keep up, trying to keep up and copy their social behaviours and put on a mask and make them believe what they see is who I am, but I know inside that that isn't me and it drains me so much, and I feel so worthless like I will never be able to get to where they are in life. I shy away from social activity because I know I'll make a fool of myself and everyone will stare and snicker and laugh away, and here is me, my face flushed a deep red and a never-ending pit of shame and depression filling my stomach.

Has anyone else ever felt like this?

Sometimes, I feel like letting go and just ending it all. But then, a part of me remembers that this part of my life isn't going to last forever. I'll be an adult one day, and I look forward to that day, because to me, it will be the day that I can start afresh and leave all my former burdens behind me.

That's all I had to say. I guess this rant wasn't that long, but it feels long to me.

Hi! I don't find it long or hard to read or anything bad like that.

And yeah I understand exactly how you feel. In fact, I probably sit at home even more than you do because I refuse to go to university and only leave the house for grocery shopping or on very rare occasions. My basis of behavior is probably around that of a 12 year old an by body looks like I'm 16.
I don't have many friends and even less good ones. My parents are nice to me though. My family is for the most part how I socialize if I do, but I'm terrible at it and emotionally detached from the feelings of others.
I know it feels like "everyone's doing stuff and I'm just sitting here".
People have relationships, breakups, parties... they have had that stuff for a decade and I have missed out on 95% of these events.
I wonder what I live for, there's nothing I'm looking forward to in life.
But I'm sitting here, because I have hope that good things will happen to me.
IMO what most people forget is that is can be ok to develop in alternative ways, as long as you get what you want. Often what you want is different from what other people want, never forget.
There will be good days, there have been good days out of nowhere before, and I don't believe that trend is gonna change anytime soon.
I'm sure good days will happen to you too. Try to increase your chances of good things happening and be ready to grab them when they present themselves.

I believe everybody feels like this at one time or another.

It seems as if people with ASD's feel this a little more often, though.

You are, definitely, not alone--and I believe your post would resonate with lots of people.

Hey, I know it can feel pretty bad when friends seem to be further ahead of you. It's just takes a bit longer for us aspies sometimes, but don't give up. Nothing stays the same for long anyway, things can change so quickly.

I went through a similar state of hopeless in my late teens.
"no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun" sound about right?
Don't compare your progress to that of others, you have to find your own Way.

Aw I can relate to some of this. It makes me angry that people are more ahead of me socially and emotionally.
All my friends are online too, but with one of them we're actually planning on meeting up IRL. He lives in a different country to me but may be coming here for education. I said if that happens I will literally go to the place he's at and meet up.

I felt the exact same way that you did, and even feel like that at some times now, but you will eventually catch up to them- I promise! I actually think in several years that I will be able to surpass them in terms of stability and career and in relationships.

Aspies are just late-bloomers. I know I feel like I really late bloomer. I was still living with my mother until about 2 months ago (I am 25), even though I paid the rent, while others my age had already been married or had children. Needless to say, I felt immensely behind, but I when I started focusing on my own life trajectory I believe that I can exceed them in all life goals because I am unburdened by their obligations and am able to work more productively for myself.

I don't think you should get so down on yourself because you will eventually catch-up (I think everyone catches up eventually) with your NT counterparts. Although, you will still feel different, I think you will appreciate the way your life has turned out more than you think.

I understand. I'm a good bit older than you but I feel the same sense of being behind others my own age and many that are much younger than I am. You could continue to compare yourself to others who don't have your social challenges but that isn't making you feel any better or helping you to change. Maintaining a facade is exhausting because you have to fool yourself to fool others. But you always know deep down that this is not you. It's difficult to be yourself when your whole self-image is based on what others think of you.

Try being yourself with a few people you trust. Be anxious, be intense, be awkward. Some people will like that about you. I'm always surprised by how much people like the real me rather than the aloof, arrogant loner.

You are an excellent writer BTW. I hope to read more insightful words from you.

Hey. It can get a lot better. At 15, that lifestyle isn't at all that uncommon. There are plenty of NTs feeling like you do. And lots of people who have busy social lives feel helpless inside and spend a ridiculous amount of energy on maintaining a facade. It may seem like everybody's so happy, but that not always the case with teenagers.

I had crap teenage years too. It got a lot more fun at university. If I could travel back in time, I would have told myself to have more nerdy fun, meet more people over the internet, study hard (because good grades give you the power to choose) and not feel so much shame about being different.

When you get older you will run into a bunch of people who carry their own brand of weirdeness. Those are often interesting and tolerant people.

It is hard living in a world where everyone seems to have secret agendas but it does get easier. I'm old but now I've learned lots of stuff. One thing: you have plenty of time. There is no rush to get to any stage of life, so what if other people are ahead of you? I'm 53, I didn't even fall in love till I was 39, it was wonderful and all consuming. That's over now, but it was great while it lasted.

So far in my life I've managed to have 2 kids and passed my degree and just started a 2nd. I've achieved lots of stuff that I wanted to do, I just had to have patience. Some stuff just happens and other stuff you have to work towards, but patience is the key. Compared to many of the people I know, I've always been a bit behind the 8 ball. I have no money, no husband and don't have a full time job. I don't care about any of this stuff... I'm just enjoying the journey.

So don't be in a rush, life will happen. Oh I am also useless at social interactions so over my life I've joined several clubs and attended community drop in houses. They are full of boring peeps but I find if you sit next to an NT and they find out your name, they suddenly decide that they are your friend, you don't have to do anything just listen to their BS and smile.

Enjoy your life - you won't remember it when you're dead

I forgot to say something important; that one of the problems with being in school is that you are constantly surrounded by people with which you have nothing in common except being born the same year. Since you are constantly with them, you compare yourself to them.

When you get to choose how you spend your time, the type of people around you changes as well, and you start thinking more about what you want and worry less about what you think you should want.

If that makes sense.

I was so far behind my peers as a teenager I was only very vaguely aware of it, if you know what I mean. By my early twenties, the difference had grown considerably, and I began to see it for what—I think—it was. Then, everything went downhill from there.

Yes, I am in this boat too. I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote on another forum:

Sorry all, I really want to rant.

My life has been in a s*** hole for the past... Oh, let's just say all of my 20s! (I'm almost 30 now!)

Back in July (June?) I set on this quest to "Fix My Life" (which I've been chronicling in my blog). It's October now, and I guess the only things that have improved is that I'm less irritable and getting more sleep.

But it's hard for me to feel good about my situation when I'm basically still living in the same place, and still getting paid the same amount ($0). People around me are going on vacations, getting new stuff, new jobs, promotions, etc. And while I realise life is not a race, I'm getting pretty mad at the fact I don't even have my foot in the door towards any of these things!

I don't hate myself, nor think of myself as unworthy. I've got friends and family that care about me, feed me, etc. And I don't owe them anything in return... Blah blah blah... I get it! I'm supposed to be grateful for these things, and I am!

So I don't really know what gives... What gives? I'm healthy and I don't think I need a therapist, I think I just need a well paying job so that I don't have to continue to feel guilty living off my friends and family. Everyone tells me, "chin up! It will get better soon." and I get that it's meant to cheer me up, but I've been hearing those well-meaning words for far too long! And it isn't putting money in my pocket!

If there's one little adjustment I need to change so that I can live the successful life I want, please tell me!

I was in same situation as you during high school and early years of uni. Now doing my postgrad degree I am out there lots. However the situation doesn't seem much change in terms of NT accepting or understanding me.

There are a lot of barriers between us. Its that NTs can't understand my emotions and communication skills. But I don't understand theirs either. Does this mean we are all different after all?

The problem is the Gen-Y is experiencing mental health illnesses now its because people put themselves too much of habits such as alcohol and drugs. Technology influences and such.