I feel really, really bad right now

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Hi everyone,

I'm 14, I've got Asperger's, I've always felt unhappy with life, recently I've been struggling with depression, and right now I'm just having a really bad day. I swear I've had triggers left and right. My "friends" seem to have all gone and stabbed me in the back. Everyone always annoys me because they know I will react and they somehow find that funny. I know I need to just hide my emotions and it'll all go away, but I can't. I hate myself at the moment, hate how self-pitying I am when there are millions of people starving. Thinking about how messed up the world is makes me want to cry right now. Today, one of my friends wasn't at school, and without her my whole group of sort-of-friends just falls apart, so at lunch I was just wandering around alone, aimlessly, which brought back way too many memories of doing that day after day when I was younger.

I just feel like an absolute mess right now, and I'm bordering on suicidal. I've had suicidal thoughts for much of my life, especially lately as my depression goes into high gear, but I just can't take it right now. I'm sick of my life. I want to change it, but I'm stuck in high school, and until that's over, in three and a half long, excruciating years, I have no control over my life and can't do anything to make it less miserable. I don't feel like I have any friends, life is so boring, everyone always tries to make me something I'm not (at school teachers have a field day if you're wearing the wrong coloured socks, never mind if you have a fundamentally different brain structure). Please, I need help, I don't know what to do, I feel so trapped and hopeless right now.

Jack

I am just going to introduce you to something called Binaural-Beats or Isochronic-Tones (for which you can find many different frequencies for helping with a wide variety of conditions). The way it works is that you listen to it on low-volume with stereo head-phones for best results. Consume plenty of water during the listening sessions of course. Usually you will want to put yourself into a trance-like state during meditation and remove all thoughts from your mind each session (you should be aware of your surroundings but not focusing attention on anything, only paying attention to your breathing, keeping it steady and slow, but full breaths, deep-breathing). Try to set the sessions to a duration that you can handle, perhaps starting with a few minutes when starting out, then eventually extended into a whole hour or two or longer if possible. Practice it each and every single day, for at least six months in a row, but you should be able to notice a difference in as little as two weeks worth of practice.

Hi, High School sucks for a lot of people. So many people can be so into their own exclusive groups. Many people feel insecure so they make fun of others to try to cover up for their own insecurities. And everyone is learning how to deal with the hormones that are rushing through their body. I know it seems like an eternity now, but the good news is that High School doesn't last forever. Just do your best in your classes to lay the groundwork for your future. Does your school have after school clubs you could join like a chess club, or whatever interests you? Are their foreign exchange students there? Those type of people are glad to make friends with people who try to make them feel at home. Yeah, there's a lot of hurt in the world like the people starving to death. Is there a local church or organization you could hook up with that reaches out to the poor and homeless. Maybe you could get involved helping alleviate some people's suffering? Don't give up. At age 14 there is so much possibility ahead of you.

If you like animals, you might find volunteering at an animal shelter very fulfilling and it would get you away from the high school scene for a while. Just a suggestion,

While it may work for you, it can have the opposite effect on others. I find that audio to be incredibly stress-inducing at a visceral level & yes, I am adept at meditation. I would not recommend it blindly to someone who may be suicidal.