What should I feel?

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I was feeling pretty positive - almost ready to do something big.

Now my mother just told me that my grandmother's dying from pneumonia (her body's been deteriorating because of Alzheimer's).

I feel kind of numb now. I haven't really cried over death since my grandfather died when I was ten. Now I just get all sullen and withdrawn. I feel like sometimes my emotional responses are inappropriate. But knowing this is all happening across town while I'm just sitting here basically just takes all the emotion out of me.

And I know I should have spent more time with her before. She said she enjoyed the time I visited for the day (my parents told me to, just to keep an eye on her, but I still enjoyed it because we have similar personalities).

My mother and brother outside my bedroom don't seem too affected by it - they're getting into their usual annoying conversations / arguments.

What should I be feeling right now?

They say that it is us autistics that don't feel empathy or care about our fellow humans.

Feels like a typical night from junior year.

And I can't get to sleep. Between my brother's Johnny Cash music with the heavy bass in the basement, my mother trying to get me to watch the Olympics, and all these thoughts going through my head. And I'm starting to get a headache. At least during the school year I had something sharp to play with when I was alone and depressed.

Then again, my mother said her condition's been improving all night. But I still feel like I should feel something and not just go through my routine like everyone else is.

Actually, my dad just got home - he and his siblings were with my grandmother tonight - but he sounds all right. Maybe it was just a false alarm. Still, it's a reminder that the worst could happen at any time. What should I draw from this?

I don't think there's any right or wrong way to feel. Different people react differently to different situations, and sometimes differently to the same situation. Your feelings are your own and unique, and you need to let yourself feel what you're truly feeling, not pretend to feel the same thing someone else does just because it's supposedly the "right" way to feel. What I think is most important here is for you to honest with yourself about what you're feeling. It's the only way you'll be able to truly work through them.

I wish all the best for you and your grandmother.