"Long story short..."

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Why is it when someone utters the words, "long story short," they've already been yapping for fifteen freakin' minutes?

"Sorry! Too late! We'd have to get in a time machine to travel back to just before you commenced with your long, boring story so I could recommend you speed this mother f*****g story along -- or smother you with a pillow before you even began!"

It’s to show the listener that they ACKNOWLEDGE that this will be something long and drawn-out.

Maybe something of a “warning.”

They always say it at the end, so how could it be a warning? I've already lost 15 minutes of my life, at that point.

I find they usually say that phrase in the middle of the story.

It all depends.

They say it in order to say "I am cutting out massive details and nuances just to get to the point- for your benefit [because maybe they know that they have already rabbited on too long]".

Some folks, especially young folks, do tell long stories. And the story ends with ...what should have been the first thing out of their mouth.

Ideally everyone would organize their thoughts before they opened their mouths, and then they would decide if what they are about to say is for business, or for entertainment. If its for business then tell the story END, beginning, middle. If its for entertainment tell it beginning, middle, end (end with the punchline). If you go business mode then -the end of the story is usually all that you need- just tell the nub- and folks figure out the rest on their own, or don't need to know it in the first place.

Yeah, after I've already lost a sizable percentage of brain cells I can never recover.

I notice the opposite. People say Long Story Short after saying a couple sentences. They told no story at all & I'm wishing they would of cuz the couple sentences they said sounded very interesting & I don't understand it cuz they left out all the major details & points.
I also sometimes notice people say Long Story Short after the story has been very boring & they say one or two sentences after that made no sense & seemed very interesting cuz the person only talked about the boring pointless stuff & left out all the interesting & essential parts. For example someone is talking about this frat party they went to & are going on about the people they talked to & the conversations they had & the pretty women he noticed. Then the guy says Long Story Short, I woke up buck naked in a ditch & the person tells no details about how they got there.

'fraid mate
probably the wrong forum if you don't like waffle....
as part of the Aspie common behaviours is not being able to read people's tone, body language etc.
and the usual problems with communicating.

I would say that i do have a tendency to waffle, but with the best intentions.
Part of this is because i don't read people that well, but also because i find it hard sometimes
to communicate verbally what i mean, and also, don't like to be misunderstood.

So have a tendency to give as much info as possible so that the listener fully understands.
I guess its not always the most effective way to communicate. but how else can someone with this
difficult communication problems communicate?...

but never mind... we all do what we do and people can always not listen or read.
Unless someone is forcing you to read... then... perhaps an issue for the po po's