How Made-Up Stuff Works

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I felt the need to do something incredibly nerdy and obsessive today. Namely, start a thread devoted to how the folks over at the WP forums think made-up devices or concepts ought to work (and would work, if you were boss of your own fictional universe). It doesn't have to be something from science fiction - it could be from fantasy (i.e. how potions would work, how a troll would fit into the woodland ecosystem, etc). I'll give you an example (which I posted in another such thread) to get this baby started.

HOW MADE UP STUFF WORKS - EPISODE I: CYBORGS AND BIONIC MEN

Introduction
If movies and TV have taught us anything, it's that robots are different than humans. Humans get all the arm candy and snappy one-liners, while robots fix the ship, plot to turn against their masters, and say dorky s**t like "Affirmative" and "Does not compute." However, even in the realm of television, there are instances where the line between man and machine becomes blurred. Here we will examine two of those wild, crazy instances: the bionic man and the cyborg.

Before we begin, however, it is necessary for us to differentiate between these two terms as defined by Hollywood. (If your definitions differ from these ones, you are wrong - period).



A bionic man (or woman) has a human brain (usually belonging to someone who has been horribly mangled beyond recognition in some sort of tragic accident) and a body that is either mostly or entirely inorganic. Bonus points if the scientists saving the now ex-person's brain use "We can do it - we have the technology!" as the rationale for saving them. (We also have the technology to PERMANENTLY solve the global warming crisis using nuclear weapons, but that doesn't give us an obligation to do so, dumbass). Bionic men generally behave as a human would, only angstier, owing to their inevitable Frankenstein complex. Common occupations for a bionic man include supersoldier, detective, and Robocop.



A cyborg, by contrast, is an organism with an advanced, A.I.-capable processor for a "brain" and a body that is at least partially composed of living tissue. Basically, it's like a robot, only squishier. As might be expected, cyborgs tend to behave more like robots than humans, carrying all the typical traits associated with robotitude (i.e. lack of emotion, hyper-rationality, the desire to either BE more human or KILL all humans, and a suspiciously accurate sense of comedic timing). Common occupations for a cyborg include shock trooper, assassin, pleasure-bot, bodyguard assigned to protect important people from other cyborgs, Starfleet officer, and comic relief.

Note that both bionic men and cyborgs are almost uniformly portrayed as looking exactly like ordinary humans. This is because it's cheaper and saves time in post-production. (Plus that Robocop suit looks like it would be REALLY sweaty and uncomfortable inside). However, the effects department will throw in a few make-up and CG effects to remind the viewer that "HEY! This dude is a robot...kinda..."


The Brain Game


Since creating a functional cyborg or bionic man starts with the neural interface (i.e. the brain), it is only logical that we start here. And right off the bat, the differences between the human brain and a cyborg brain become apparent - a rare case of truth in television. How, exactly, do human and robot brains differ? Glad you asked.

It all starts at the most basic level - the method by which information is stored and "calculations" are made. Microprocessors store data in the form of ones and zeros, and execute instructions in a rigid, logical order. The human brain, by contrast, is made up of billions of neurons whose activities and electrical impulses are mediated by chemicals. The brain is largely parallel and interwoven, whereas parallel computation is extremely difficult for a silicon-based processor. This vast difference in structure means that robot brains and human brains are good at different things. Computers, for instance, are MUCH better at mathematical calculations, as well as executing a simple, set logical procedure in a short period of time. Humans, on the other hand, have the edge in face recognition (and other visual memory), speech recognition, and most importantly, unconscious (or commonsense) reasoning. While present-day robots are not able to answer questions that they do not have some sort of specifically-assigned logical answer for, humans are able to reason quickly across a broad range of domains and make decisions based on incomplete knowledge. This is largely because the brain is hard-wired to accept certain facts a priori - a feature that A.I. researchers have thus far been unable to duplicate.

I'll give you a couple of examples to demonstrate what I mean. If I were to ask you the question "What does Thursday taste like?", you would probably be able to provide a non-random answer which you could justify. Furthermore, if I were to tell you that "If I were you, I'd hate myself," you would be able to be able to grasp the intuitive meaning behind that statement. A robot would have to be programmed to be able to do either of those things.

Now, it is quite possible that these issues will be resolved (and they'd pretty much have to be in order for a fully-functioning, self-aware cyborg to exist). However, I am of the opinion that the difference in brain function will still be noticeable, and that a cyborg would have to do a lot of learning in order to behave more like a human.

Step 1: Connecting the Body to the Head


Building a functional cyborg that is able to control and regulate its own movement and actions is relatively easy if you have the technology to build one. After all, the people (or robots) building it know exactly how it works, and have complete knowledge of which wire corresponds to which part of the mobile endoskeleton. A well-designed cyborg could even be built on an assembly line.

With a bionic man, however, it's an entirely different story. Getting a human brain to meld successfully with an artificial body that it did not evolve to control is extremely difficult, and that difficulty is compounded by the fact that every brain is wired a wee bit differently. Not only do all of the wires need to be hooked up in the right way in relation to the brain (and spinal cord, or an artificial approximation thereof), but they need to be able to recognize and transmit the signals the various sensorimotor areas of the brain are sending. In order for the doctors and neuroscientists who would be working on the project to have a good sense of what they're doing, it would probably be necessary to map out the test subject's brain by cutting their skull open and prodding their brain with electrodes. (I'm not kidding).



It is for this reason that I find it unlikely that someone could have their brain transferred into a bionic body without knowing what's going on. After all, you have to be conscious and have an unmangled, completely human body in order for the electrical stimulation to work right. Thus, any test subject would have to volunteer for the project, which no one in their right mind would do unless they were dying of something that didn't hinder their ability to move and respond to electrical stimulation, like, say...pancreatic cancer. (You can see why they don't portray it happening like this on TV - it's nowhere near as dramatic as being horribly wounded in battle and suddenly waking up with robotic limbs).



Now that you've got the wiring down, you can safely remove the brain (carefully) and put it in some sort of basin or artificial head-like structure containing a solution of the fluids and nutrients that the brain needs to survive. Now, this would be a VERY delicate procedure (the brain is a lot squishier and gooier than a lot of people think), but I think it could be done. I recommend Jan in the Pan® brand neck juice - just what the mad doctor ordered!

The Sensory Organs


Now, assuming you know where to hook them up to, this shouldn't be too hard compared with all the other stuff you have to do. The eye would be the easiest thing to do, because you could theoretically just keep them. The optic nerves are VERY closely connected to the brain, and could thus be spared (along with the eyeballs, of course) when the brain is removed. (There's a short story by Roald Dahl that describes this in great detail). However, the human eye is not without its weaknesses, sight-wise. They are vulnerable to irritation and gouging. They are somewhat slow to adjust to sudden changes in light. Additionally, there's the issue of the blind spot created by the optic nerve. It would also be necessary to design a means of moving and blinking them. Nevertheless, preserving the eyes would be a relatively simple way to allow a bionic man to see, and would be especially useful if a human-like appearance is desired.

However, it is theoretically possible for a set of small cameras to be set up in such a way as to function (and look) the way human eyes do. Unfortunately, cameras provide a series of still images that create the illusion of motion - they don't actually capture motion itself. Still, this is a very minor disadvantage, and tiny eye-like cameras could provide a serviceable (if more expensive) substitute.

As for hearing, I can think of two possibilities. One would be to use some sort of advanced listening device capable of determining the location of the source of any sound. (I'm not sure if such a device exists yet, but I'm confident that it would in the future). The other would be to create an artificial human ear out of different materials (some nanotechnology would be required, of course). The first option would definitely be better because it provides the possibility of a superhuman sense of hearing, which would be tits.

I'm not going to bother with smell. Smell would be WAY too hard. Let's just skip it, shall we?

Speech


Now this one's a real toughie - especially for the bionic man. The easy answer would be to just have a speaker in the back of the throat, like some kind of obnoxious fast food drive-thru.



But upon closer examination, this solution sucks ass for many reasons. First of all, it wouldn't sound like natural speech because it would come entirely from the back of the throat, and wouldn't be synched with the movement of the mouth and lips. This is the kiss of death if you want your cyborg or bionic man to be able to work deep cover as a human. The worse part is that humans don't speak through speakers - they speak through their chest, throat, and mouth. Therefore, the best solution for both cyborgs and bionic men would be an artificial larynx (no, not the kind smokers have - this would be far more sophisticated) through which air would be passed, thus creating sound.

Specifications and Capabilities


Alright! Time for the cool part! You've got a bionic man or cyborg that can move, walk, talk, and observe its surroundings. Time to see what kind of kick-ass specs and weaponry you can put on it, right?

Well not so fast, chief. Before you can do all that, you need a power source. Something that can keep your Tin Man running for fairly long periods of time - a period of 12 hours would be...passable, I suppose. However, a period of at least a couple days should be the goal. If you can get it to run as long as a Terminator can, you've got it made - their fuel cells last a couple of centuries. Fossil fuels won't work - it wouldn't be possible to store enough on hand and still have it be man-portable. A miniature nuclear reactor would do the trick power-wise, but would pose a major hazard to anyone with the misfortune to pass nearby, and could actually wind up killing a bionic man (can you say "brain cancer?"). Me, I'd go with some kind of hydrogen fuel cell, because it sounds futuristic and science-y. However, a portable generator or even just a really powerful and efficient battery might be able to do the trick (hey, it worked for that bunny, didn't it?).



Now that the Tin Man has juice, his engineers can get to work on all his bitchin' special features. First of all, the bionic man can have various microchips integrated into his brain to augment his cerebellum's ability to control his body movements. In layman's terms, this means that he'll be able to cut, slice, and manipulate his complex mechanical fingers with robotic precision (and hit a bulls-eye from a thousand yards with any projectile weapon known to man). He can also receive additional knowledge, Matrix-style, in this manner.

Both cyborgs and bionic men would be built with a mobile metal endoskeleton capable of superhuman feats. Spring-like hydraulic legs would allow them to jump higher and farther than any human possibly could. Hidden retractable blades (or even guns, provided there's a place to store the ammo and enough room for a barrel) could be placed in convenient locations such as the wrist or the hand. They could run faster than the world's best sprinters for miles without getting tired.

But would it be capable of flight? Hell, yes. Not with a jet pack, though - jet packs are inefficient and require extra fuel (or compressed gas) in order to function properly. Instead, the machine-men would fly by means of a portable backpack helicopter (or autogyro) with foldable rotor blades (see picture above). The helicopter would run directly on electricity from the aforementioned power source.

But what to put OUTSIDE the skeleton?

Armor


One of the coolest things about Terminators is how you can empty an entire magazine of a 50-caliber machine gun at them and the most they'll do is stumble a little (if you're lucky). A good cyborg or bionic human should have this kind of implacability, and in order to have it, they need armor covering their endoskeleton (especially the structurally vulnerable parts).

Now, as every nerd worth their salt knows, a Terminator's armor is made of a substance known as "hyper-alloy," which, as its name implies, is metallic. The metallic appearance was specifically chosen to fit James Cameron's image of a "chrome-plated Death." However, in reality, metal makes a relatively poor choice of armor by itself. A more realistic choice would be a metal-ceramic matrix similar to the armor of an Abrams tank, coupled with lightweight materials like Kevlar and/or liquid body armor. This is not to say that an all-metal structure would be impossible - it could be made of an alloy harder than any currently-known metal (which would be brittle but still useful), or a flexible "memory metal" that bends briefly before returning to its previous shape (like the kind flexible pipes are made of).

The armor would have to be able to fit within the limits of a reasonably sized human body, which creates a few weak points - most notably the head. The head, compared with the rest of the body, would be rather tenuously connected, with only the narrow, flexible neck connecting it to the rest of the body. Granted, this is only a relative weakness, but it is a weakness just the same. Another head-related problem is present for bionic men - namely, that the armor covering the cranium can't be thicker than the skull. Cyborgs don't have this problem, as their brain is likely to be much smaller (if the trend predicted by Moore's law continues, that is).

And last but not least, the hardest part of climbing out of the Uncanny Valley and looking human...

Artificial Skin and Other Living Tissue


If you want your mechanical dude to look like a human, you're going to need skin (or a damn good approximation thereof). Fortunately, the means of providing it is more than feasible - it is possible to grow enough skin to cover a human body in about three weeks using stem cells from the roots of hair follicles. So that's not the problem. The problem is getting a fleshy artificial covering that can last permanently. Since a cyborg or bionic man has a mechanical body, it is incapable of replacing the skin cells that die (or are eaten by parasites). So unless you keep your robo-man locked in a meat freezer, he's going to look like this after a few days:



And because the skin needs oxygen, they may even need to have a functioning heart and lungs. Heck, they may even need to eat. And that would mean they'd need a digestive and excretory system!

Fortunately, it looks like it might not have to come to that. Currently, biotech researchers are working on self-sustaining layers of skin that can permanently replace human flesh. Those interested in learning more can look here. Whew! The idea of a robot that still has to take a s**t does NOT appeal to me.

So there you have it, folks! A completely obsessive nerd's guide to the "half-robots." I hope you like it - it took me six hours to write. (Fortunately, I didn’t have to write it again this time).

Feel free to submit your own such guides to various fake stuff (they don't have to be as long, though).

*kneels in awe* That's probably the best thing I've read in weeks.

I'll try and contribute something soon.

Good article! Transhumanism is very fascinating but also very terrifying.

Let's go with a different topic. How about...magic? How would it work in your made-up universe in which it exists?