The autism social rule book.

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I wanted to start a thread on language skills on this forum which I learned over the years by myself but this thread "Decipher that social interaction" naturally led me to discuss them there. Those who are good at rhyming and punning and whose asperger's is not that severe can learn them easily.
You will find the discussion on
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt135648.html
Many aspies are finding it difficult to believe them, they are not realizing that they have not been given the diagnoses of asperger's for no reason and this website is not called "WrongPlanet" for no reason

Rule # 162
If someone is angry with you one day, the next day you should quietly observe the situation and see how they act around you. if they seem fine they might be. i have learned some people put yesterday behind them as if nothing happened.

i actually became friends with one girl that way. she seemed ok around me the next day so i made a joke and we have been telling each other the same joke ever since.

she was just having a bad day and i didn't see that she got mad. but the next day when she was feeling better she acted better around me.


Rule # 163

It isn't always your fault. someone may get mad at you but they could just be angry about something else and because you didn't see they were mad you made it worse.

but that doesn't mean it was you, it was just you that got snapped at, cause you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

this is why people avoid people who are in a bad mood.

sorry double post.

Last edited by just-me on 29 Aug 2010, 2:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Rule # 164
If your new to a place of work or some social setting and one group member asks you to join the group when they go somewhere (out for coffee, or to go to the cafeteria for example.) it is because you want to join the group.

if you say no for some reason you may miss your opportunity to be part of the group.

rule 164
When you meet a person again recall what happened in the last meeting or last few meetings. For us everytime we meet a person its a new start. Whenever a NT see other person the history between them open like ctrl H. So be mindful of the fact that your future correspondent with a person depends upon your past one. This is very helpful to understand why a person sometime behaves "strangely". Remember everyday is not a new day.

Interesting thread.

166. Be yourself. We all have a purpose on this beautiful planet and while we are conforming to everyone else's social and cultural expectations we are losing sight of our own goal.

Others may think we are cold, aloof, insensitive, eccentric, distant, etc. Their poor understanding of us shows them to be inconsiderate, ignorant, discrimatory, insecure and prone to fearing the unknown.

Rise above your critics, learn to find a place of peace and security within yourself. Set an example of living life true to yourself.

Conformity is not the path to freedom.

167. Think about sitting down with your supervisor or boss to talk about work place challenges and discussing workable solutions. There are such things as Workplace Relations and Anti Descrimination Acts. Remember, you have rights.

Lots of great advice in this thread.

Oh god, I learned that one the hard way. Which also lead me to realize...


168. People are usually aware of their own faults. You never have to tell them.

169. If you know that you have a problem with automatically agreeing in social situations because you're stressed and not thinking clearly, make a point of not making important decisions until you have a chance to think it over on your own.

170. Do not force yourself to remain friends with someone who repeatedly shows a lack of respect towards your needs to the point where being around them makes you scared. It isn't worth it, and it doesn't make you a failure; it makes them a ****.

171. When using Facebook chat/AIM/MSN/whatever chat software you use, if someone doesn't respond to your chat query with a question or at least something semi-relevant, they have no desire to talk to you. This is also true during the middle of the conversation; if someone keeps giving you one-word answers, it's a substitute for two words: "Go away".

172. When at lunch in any kind of cafeteria, take other peoples' trays. They love it.

173. When in any kind of social situation, let the women go first. Hold doors for them. As much as some of them like to spew crud about women's rights, they love seeing that chivalry isn't dead.

174. Believe it or not, objectivity, reason, and truth can be appreciated by some NTs. I've gained a reputation as the school drama fixer because I can see both sides and be perfectly detached enough to make an informed, emotionless decision. I've never failed once. However, the NTs either have to be very special or very desperate to enter the state where these three things mean anything to them.

#175. ask people about their interests instead of telling them about yours. This will make them feel more important than they are, and they will end up doing big favors for you in the long run.

176. If your sister (or your friend, or whoever) asks for your help writing a novel, chances are she (or he) just wants a cheerleader, not a beta. If s/he sends you what s/he has so far, say how great it is so far and ask some general questions about the overall plot. Do not send hir back a copy with every spelling and grammar error highlighted and every cliche pointed out; no matter how nicely you try to do it, it will not end well. S/he will never be publishhed. You know that and, deep down, so does s/he. This is fun for hir. Don't ruin it.

(That's basically an extension of the "They can't handle the truth" and "Don't correct people's grammar" rules, but examples help.)

177. The rules of social engagement are highly conditional. What works in one situation, with one person, may not work in another situation or with someone else.

178. Relax when having a general conversation with somebody. Don't stand there all tensed up inside, worrying about what you've said or something. Don't forget - general conversations are natural - the person who you're talking to has many conversations with many different people each day, so they're not really worried about what you've said, as long as it's relevent to the conversation you're on.

179. If you have rung several tradespersons for quotes and selected one (or none) you do not need to contact the unsuccessful quoters and explain that you aren't going ahead with their quote and give convincing reasons why to spare their feelings, it is ok to just not contact them again.

From my new boss:

180. When asked at the end of an interview, "Do you have any questions?" don't ask if it's ok to take time off to take your three cats to the vet.

181 - People aren't often interested in who you are, or what you do, or what you did earlier that day... its safe to to say that people are shallow jerks. Be nice and polite and s**t like that since you kinda have to. pick up an obsession that can be fueled by your true self. Make friends with people that seem to fuel their hobbies the same way that you do, so even if you're lousy at conversation you can at least compare creations, and exchange ideas.

182 - Your not the only person that doesn't get the rules of life. If the person/people you're talking to seems off or alien or just a real pain in the ass, they very well might be. Maybe they're faking it too.

183 - Its possible to be yourself and not scare people, just don't lay it on thick like tar. Compromising your behavior isn't going to crush your soul or kill you. Yes, you can have your own (seemingly) lunacy based opinions. Its possible to collect all 168 pieces of that rare thing from that obscure TV show no one (except you or me) really likes but watches anyway. Just don't tell every damn person in town.

184 - Don't tell everyone how much you love your pets, or show 20 photos of them, or describe some cute thing they do just because someone asked to pet your dog (still super guilty of this)...

185 - Overall defend who you are but silently and with confidence, body language is less likely to get f****d up in translation. Speak if you want, but try using body language first. Look at pictures of "strong willed" people that aren't scary. how do they walk to impress people without words? How do they do all that damn eye contact without seeming creepy? find out! (still trying to get this one right...)

186. Not everyone thinks farts are hilarious.