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how lonely do you usually feel?
not lonely at all 20%  20%  [ 15 ]
a little lonely 18%  18%  [ 13 ]
moderately lonely 18%  18%  [ 13 ]
very lonely 20%  20%  [ 15 ]
soul-gnawingly lonely 14%  14%  [ 10 ]
insanity-inducing lonely 11%  11%  [ 8 ]
Total votes : 74

Tim_Tex
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05 Jan 2007, 8:31 am

I can live independently, but my loneliness is more along the lines of not having anyone to share my life with.

Tim


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KurtmanJP
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05 Jan 2007, 12:11 pm

Moderately, I guess. For the most part, i'm happy when i'm around video games that help relieve my stress level.


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DivaD
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05 Jan 2007, 12:55 pm

i know nothing else :(

loneliness isn't about being by yourself, it's about not having your social needs met. i just happen to have a higher level of social need, and (thanks to f***ing AS) no accessible way of meeting that need. it's not a case of just going out and talking to people, because it's even more lonely to be in the company of other people with whom i can't have any meaningful social interaction.

people with AS who don't need much social contact and can be happy all day sitting at home by themselves perseverating on some special interest never getting lonely are just so bloody lucky.



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05 Jan 2007, 1:01 pm

Mnemosyne wrote:
I'm almost never lonely. I love being alone.

I live with my husband now, but I used to live alone, and I really enjoyed it. I often wish I could somehow keep him but not actually live with him. Like have houses right next door or something.


As I read you never feel lonely and love being alone, I thought to myself these type of aspies would die of like the dinosaurs, because you would be unlikely to have any children. Then I read that you are married then I come up the scientific conclusion that Mother Nature never needed to use loneliness as a motivation to go on dating because you have something that attracts men without any effort on your behalf. Are you very beautiful or do you have something that is rare in girls. Or you could have married very young, before you fully develop an interest in guys.



RTSgamerFTW
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05 Jan 2007, 1:03 pm

I don't feel lonely...ever.


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Davidufo
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05 Jan 2007, 1:12 pm

Sometimes not lonely at all and sometimes very lonely



fresco
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05 Jan 2007, 1:46 pm

The term soul knawingly lonely hits the spot. It can be so painful, it goes up and down, I wish I could find a way to alleviate it.



Mnemosyne
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05 Jan 2007, 2:07 pm

Aspie_Chav wrote:

As I read you never feel lonely and love being alone, I thought to myself these type of aspies would die of like the dinosaurs, because you would be unlikely to have any children.


Well, you're right on the not likely to have children part. I have no plans to have kids. I don't like kids, and I've never wanted them, even when I was I was a young girl. I'm going to be 28 this year, so I'm not exactly at the "oh, you'll change your mind" stage. I think having AS has a whole lot to do with the not wanting kids.


Aspie_Chav wrote:
Then I read that you are married then I come up the scientific conclusion that Mother Nature never needed to use loneliness as a motivation to go on dating because you have something that attracts men without any effort on your behalf. Are you very beautiful or do you have something that is rare in girls. Or you could have married very young, before you fully develop an interest in guys.


Well, I do have something that's rare in girls, because I have AS. :wink:
But seriously, having AS gives me a personality that's rare in women and that men seem to appreciate in a significant other. They don't have to do the stuff with me that they'd do with a normal girlfriend. I'm not usually interested in "girl stuff" and I spend my time with computers and video games. That means they never have to be dragged out clothing or shoe shopping, because I don't care about clothes or shoes.

Due to my "reduced empathy," I don't care about watching "chick movies" because they're always about love and feelings, and I find that to be pretty boring. Most guys find it boring too, but their girlfriends make them watch them, so any guy I dated hasn't had to do that. I also don't ever want to "sit around and talk about our feelings." I know guys don't like it when girls want to do that.

And then finally, since I'm obsessed with fairness, I've always split the cost of everything 50 % with whomever I date. I never let someone buy me dinner, I always pay for my half. Even now that I'm married, when I'm out with my husband I still pay for my own dinner (unless it's a birthday present). I also think that Valentine's day is a two-way holiday and it should be about two people exchanging gifts to show their love and appreciation for each other. Most women think it's "treat me like a queen" day and don't think guys should get gifts on Valentine's day.

I'm different in a lot of other ways too, but those are the big things that I hear guys complain about when they're talking about women/their girlfriends.



Prescott
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05 Jan 2007, 3:42 pm

I'm married, have two kids, and work with someone who is a friend outside of work. Still, I go through phases, maybe every 2-3 months, where I feel completely and utterly disconnected from everyone. I think I just went through one of these.

My closest friends all live fairly far away now, and they are busy with family, work, etc. So I usually try to go out with co-workers when I feel this way, but it always winds up feeling awkward, and makes it worse. So, like others, it swings back and forth from fine to painfully lonely.



KimJ
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05 Jan 2007, 4:02 pm

CockneyReble, Mnemosyne and divad all said things that describe my situation.
I answered "moderately" because I get lonely when I think about not having friends outside my husband and a couple online buddies. When I'm having a bad day and don't have anyone to complain to or hang out with.
It's not just the act of being alone, which I'm not usually. It's when you are around people who don't understand you or judge you because of your difference. Like there's some kind of righteousness or moral superiority in chatter and touchyfeely talk.
When I'm alone I'm not too lonely because I can decide what I'd like to do. I don't pressure myself to eat a certain way, I don't need friends to go to the movies with or to the toilet (of all things). I don't worry about fashion or trends.
It's true that really cool, smart guys appreciate women who can hold a deep conversation and not worry about offending. If you're ugly and smart and can't find a mate, then you're looking in the wrong places.
NT's have these problems too. Some are able to attract attention but can't maintain it because they can't follow up with decent conversation. Interests/obsessions are good conversation pieces.

I get lonely when my free time is too free, like weekends when people have bbq's or meet at the bar. Holidays aren't so bad anymore.



en_una_isla
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05 Jan 2007, 4:11 pm

A 50/50 split, more or less, between the none-moderate and the very-insanity.


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NJwlss
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05 Jan 2007, 8:52 pm

always lonely. even around other people. there's only one or two people that i feel really want to be with me when they are around me. and that's the only times i'm not lonely. and i usually don't talk to anybody for days except for a hello and a few sentences. totally alone.



9CatMom
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05 Jan 2007, 9:41 pm

I am generally very happy with my life. I don't feel lonely as a general rule. I have a family I love, my cats, and good friends at work. I actually feel uncomfortable in crowds where I don't know a lot of people and would prefer to be at home with my cats, talk on my Internet cat site and visit other sites of interest.



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05 Jan 2007, 11:02 pm

The most I ever get from being alone is bored. I never actually feel "lonely" but sometimes I wish I had my friend around just to alleviate my boredom.



werbert
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05 Jan 2007, 11:05 pm

I am my own best friend.


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Sedaka
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06 Jan 2007, 12:36 am

werbert wrote:
I am my own best friend.


good! cause i wasn't gonna offer you no hugs or nothin after reading your response in the "How often do you wash?" thread!

jk XD

:o


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