Do you have a "don't care about anything" attitude

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On the surface, I still look like I have that "bad attitude."
The truth is more complicated.

I get stress-related symptoms that I've always called "Migraines."
I now suspect that the mechanism (the when and why) is similar to an Autistic Shutdown.
As a little kid, I got the major blow-out version several times a year.
Somewhere in early adulthood, I unconsciously figured a way to spread it out.
Now, instead of major event that leaves me blind and speechless
(In college, I once needed to ask a stranger to drive me home in my car.)
now I get a milder, fuzzy-brain thing, spread out over days or weeks or even months.

The method of spreading it out involves what looks like an attitude of "I don't care."
On the surface, this looks like defiance and quickly turns into a power struggle.

My defense against a certain stress leads to a power struggle over the cause of that stress which leads to more of the very abuse I was trying to avoid.
Did I mention that I'm a basket case?

Also, after decades of the same kind of abuse, YES, I have developed the belief that they're all jerks. But that part is just simple, straight-up, objective reality. They really are all jerks.

The general consensus is that I don't, but that isn't entirely true. I've just been brutally honest with myself and realized what my position in life is, what I do and don't need. Also, maybe I'm holding a grudge against this tedious, sycophantic, external apparatus I've always had to keep up.