Please respond. I need to feel that you guys are here.

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You are so welcome. It is like a little cyber family here. I just noticed your number of posts. Welcome to WP.

We're here Skibum. I have trouble talking when I'm overwhelmed too: everything gets mixed up, and I stutter and can't get the words out, which only makes whatever emotion I'm dealing with worse. There's nothing wrong with rocking to music, it's what I do when the emotional overload sets in (sensory overload usually requires me to find complete darkness and silence). It's good to know you're doing better now though, I hope your drive to the dairy farm helped

When I am overwhelmed or stressed I don't talk or communicate.
I don't ask for help. I keep everything to myself.

Thank you Startrekker. The drive outside really did me good. Then tonight I went to the horse arena to groom the horses and prepare then for Equine Riding Therapy. I can't ride for this particular group, it's a long story, but I did manage to figure out how to get Equine therapy for myself. After the lessons when the students left and the horses were waiting to be loaded back into the trailer, I spent special time with one of my favorite horses, I talked to him and cuddled with him and we bonded very deeply. He was able to help me pull out some very deeply trapped emotions and I actually cried. I talked to him for a good while as I stroked his back and shoulders and lay my head on him feeling his warmth and soaking in his energy and his amazing horsey smell. I LOVE the smell of horses. He leaned gently on me and literally wrapped me in feelings of acceptance and warmth and love. Then when he had to leave I asked him for a hug and he put his head on my chest and let me hug his head and neck.

It's the best therapy I have ever had. I have gone to professional therapists a few times and I have never had help that has even come close to what this horse gave me. I don't know what the feelings and emotions were that were brought up but I know that he will help me come to understand them as we spend more time together. Horses are incredibly wise, deep, spiritual, generous, loving animals and they are powerful therapists. I might never go to a human therapist again.

Do you find that you are more able to relax and work through things when you do this? sometimes the solitude and allowing myself to not ask for help but just letting things work out naturally helps me a lot. Sometimes I feel like if I ask for help, the "help" becomes overwhelming and makes me worse because I can't always process the "help".

I love your horse story, Skibum!! I work on a horse ranch yet haven't "bonded" with them for some reason; I find that my cat is good therapy.

Thank you GibbieGal. You are lucky to get to work on a ranch. Cats are so awesome too. I grew up with Siamese cats and they were my very best friends growing up. Whether it is a cat or a horse, or any animal that gives her heart to you, to have that kind of friend is really a gift beyond understanding and a blessing greater than we can count.

I don't know. It's not that I don't allow myself to not ask for help, I've just always been that way.
That's what I mean when I say I am in my own world.
I am just realizing how un-communicative I am.
I had a grandmother who was considered very stoic. I think I am like her. I don't connect in an emotional way.

I can understand what you mean. Do you wish that were different or does it work for you?

It's made my life difficult but I can't be different.

Wow. I can see how it would make things very difficult. (I responded in a non quoted box because the quote pyramid can be stressful to look at, for me anyway.) I am sorry to know that it is difficult for you. I wish you could meet my horse friend. It's amazing how deep the help an animal can give you can be and you don't even need words. I guess it's easier with them because we can be completely uninhibited and vulnerable and they will always love and accept us as we genuinely are.

Horses can certainly pick up on your emotions...if you're putting on a happy face when you're actually stressed out, you might fool your friends but not the horse.

I always got sent out to catch horses in the field because they'd come to me (sometimes they'd run away from someone else). I don't look directly at them and I kind of slump up toward them like I don't care which horse I find. With people that kind of social behavior would freak them out; with horses its socially appropriate.