Im feel very alone, different at times

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I feel like Im very much alone...its hard to relate fully to anyone. I can relate a little bit here and there to people but its hard. Im actually quite a bit of things that dont typically go together.

part AS, part NT
half female, half male
assertive yet timid
emotional yet cold
serious, intelligent yet ridiculous and stupid
very orderly, on task yet unpredictable(at least according to NT standards)

on top of that Im unconventional, think too much, and have high levels of anxiety.

Ive been told Im extremely hard to understand...I agree.

I feel very different too, even different from you.

I feel more autistic but less autistic than some. I think I have it severe but not as severe as the most serious cases.

I tend not to think about gender but I appear to look more male than female, and I am female.

I'm driven yet accomplish very little.

Emotional and cold.

Intelligent and modest or intelligent and arrogant. Not to mention being intelligent yet feeling stupid at times.

I don't have high levels of anxiety but I do have high levels of stress.