story: don't ever give up! + eye contact practice

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If you don't like long texts, move along. I'm wasting your time. This may even be too long for a forum post. Maybe I should start a blog?
Also, I'm sorry. I couldn't split these two subject into two topics. It's one story.


A few days ago, I was feeling a bit sad, like many of you are sometimes. Thinking about me having no friends, and my future.
I read articles about living with AS. For some reason, it all really changed my vision. The articles encouraged me to actively seek opportunities, and practise the "socializing skills". By staying home, nothing will change. This doesn't mean I will start going to every possible event (will you believe me if I say I've never in my life gone to a bar or party with friends?). The first step for me is not just ignore opportunities, given to me. Meaning, don't refuse them, but give some opportunities a try. Example:
I used to eat lunch alone at school. With some of my classmates at the same table, I ignored them. I might actually try to say something next time, or even join them.

I don't know what changed me, but I think I've found a reason to brush my teeth every day, take a shower every day, change clothes regularly... It's not about me. It's about the other people looking at me. If I give a good impression, that will give me more opportunities. The few people that spoke to me in the past actually said I look good. So I should keep it that way.
I even cleaned up my room! You never know when it matters. Haha, it's been a long time since I did that.
I'm not sure how long I can keep this mentality though, it's not in my nature.

For many years I've always been looking away, in every situation. I usually stared at the ground. I am a very good listener, but people who don't know I have AS find it offensive. I thought "I don't care what you think, I feel more comfortable looking at the ground".
I always thought it wasn't a big deal. But slowly, I am realizing how important it is. This is the number one reason why I am having difficulties socializing (eg. maintaining a conversation, making friends, or in general: you're seen as a "normal" person).

Today, there was a little family party. Starting a conversation was not necessary, all family members are very chatty. And they know they shouldn't talk to me too much.
But by making eye contact when they were talking directly to me (for as long as I thought was right), I got the feeling it was much better, for them, and for me. It gives them the feeling I am interested in what they have to say (although I always am). I think it makes them happier. And making other people happy makes me happy.

Yesterday I decided to leave the house for once, about time. That's the only way to see "the real world".
I took the train to the nearest big city to practise my unicycling. They have some really cool spots there, and I'm tired of the town I live in.

As a big coincidence, I met two people (strangers) with the same interest (unicycling). They were just at the same place where I wanted to be. I used to ignore such occations, but this time I said to myself "come on, you can do this". It was really difficult taking this decision. Although they were 35+ years old, it's still a way to practise socializing.
We talked for over 3 minutes. That's a lot for me! Again, it was very difficult to find that balance between looking away and having eye contact. I enjoyed the conversation itself, but not the constant risk of "staring".

While cycling on the street, with music in my ears (I find it very relaxing), I tried to look at people's eyes. Very difficult, but trying.. Each time for about 2-3 seconds. Two woman smiled at me that day! I don't know why, I just looked, didn't do anything. Why did they smile? These were genuine, real smiles. I believe I can distinguish a real smile from a fake smile. As far as I can remember, not one stranger has ever smiled at me. That made my day .

When I took the train back home, I saw a beautiful girl. "Beautiful" is hard to describe, but it's not perverted in any way. I just enjoy looking at beauty, it makes me feel good. So I took a seat to be able to look at her, without direct eye contact. Just looking at her hair, eyes, clothes... But there was always the risk of her looking at me, which I wanted to prevent. A conversation would have been nice, but that's only possible if she started. There has to be a reason for it. Saying "hi" without reason, hmmm... You know what I mean?

QUESTIONS:
Is it ok to look strangers in the eyes (only one time), or is that creepy, no matter for how long? If yes, how long is considered "normal"?
Is it ok to look at people (clothes, shoes... anything but eyes) without stopping, even if they know?
In a real conversation: So far, I have always looked away before the other person does. Would it be a good idea to try keeping eye contact (although I think I can't do that xd) until the other person does, and look away when he/she does? I just can't do that. It's who I am. But in case I might get over that fear, will it help me develop my social skills?

SUMMARY:
I think everyone here should really, really try to have eye contact during a conversation. Even if you find it almost impossible. It will help you a lot in this society. Don't just give up without actually trying. Keep trying again and again and again. For me it has advantages and disadvantages:
1) I find it very difficult. It gives a feeling not many people understand.
2) It looks more natural to other people. The more you do it, the more you are seen as "nomal", the higher the chances you will be accepted.
I find this "skill" very hard. It can't explain why. I am always afraid to look at other people for too long. That's the only reason. And that feeling is terrible. But in the long run, it only has advantages. And from now on, I will really try my best to work on this problem. I hope it becomes more natural in the future.

I find the changes and decisions I made the last days very difficult, but I don't like the idea of staying home with no friends in my life , living with my mother, untill I die. I decided to enjoy the time I am given (long term), but I'll have to work for that very hard, against my nature (Asperger Syndrome).

To finish, I would like to say I am amazed by this community. You all care about each other, you help each other, you try to understand each other. I am so happy to have found this website. I can relate to these stories so much, and reading the responses to them give me a warm feeling.

This is just way too theoretical. And some of these things may sound weird, but I would appreciate it if you responded.

I am not really too concerned with fitting in with normal people....so I am not too worried about looking 'normal'. But I don't exactly have no friends or people to interact with, its just most of them are a bit abnormal themselves. However I am civil to normal people, but if they are going to have a problem with me for having some differences than that is their issue and I am not going to care to interact with them anymore.

But yes in order to fit in with normal people, you do have to give the appearance of being normal typically.