Does anyone not like when other people asked you are doing?

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I don't really like it when my sister's friends and boyfriend ask me "Kristine how are you doing?" They don't know the garage and mental torment that is going on in my head. I'm 32 and I live part time with my mother. My sister's friend Steph sometimes comes in the summer and the way she smiles at me is disgusting. I don't mind my brother's friends talking to me because I've got crushes on all of them. I'm so jealous of my sister's boyfriend. I want one but hey I can't one. I dislike saying hi to any of my sister's friends. They all suck!

People around me know that they should not ask me "how are you feeling" or something like that.

Last time someone asked me "how are you feeling" I replied "like eating dinner".

Emotions are like underwear - most everybody has them but there's no need to go flaunting them around in public.

If I see the person coming, I can mentally prepare for it, and have some sort of inoffensive script ready - it's become almost a reflex after forty years. If I'm caught off-guard, it's nearly always just a single word, usually my literal physical state - 'cold', 'hot', 'thirsty', 'wet'... Sometimes what I'm thinking just leaks out instead - 'undoing my coat' or 'damned shoe-lace', or something like that.

I don't like it when I ask people "how they are doing" and they just answer "fine". It always feels like they are lying to me, and then I wonder what's the point in talking to them at all.

I used to hate it, but now I don't care much. I just say the below as quickly as possible.

Hi, how are you doing?

Hi, I'm fine, thank you. How are you doing?

I'm great, thank you.

*silence*

It's silly and pointless, but there it is.

I totally understand this! However i have realized i also have to play the NT game! For when i ask someone how they are doing i am genuinely interested! if they are feeling bad i would like to know and hope they feel they can talk to me about it... but the reality is it is more of a social gesture of saying hi than it is a real question! For a long while when people asked how i was, i would give them an honest answer only to see them walk the other way leaving me a little confused... A friend then told me that when people ask that, they are rarely interested in how you are really doing and its just another form of giving a heads up/acknowledgment.... So i am having to learn to play the game so to speak! However those that do know me when i ask them will tend to open up to me, as they feel a sense of relief that when i do ask them i am sincerely interested, good and bad... Its funny, because these are NT's that want to open up and talk, but yet they play the same illusion with the rest and then feel relief when they are able to open up! I have to sometimes laugh at it, because if people just said how they felt, obviously in a communicative way and not aggressive, then the world would be a little less narcissistic! However we are teaching our children at a very early age to try to fit into a norm that doesnt really exist or isnt natural.... The game of life in the NT world is full of illusions... But then sometimes you also have to play that game to get by a little more!.... Funny ole world!

I hate being asked that question more than anything. I'm not fine, I didn't do anything interesting this weekend, I didn't go anywhere, I wasn't at work, I don't go to school, I'm sick every single day. Don't want to hear that? Well then don't ask me those questions. Since that isn't an option, I simply avoid people because I cannot stand having these stupid conversations that just end up depressing me even more.

Asking others how they're doing won't let you know the truth, either, because any reply other than "fine" or a synonym is impolite.

To me, it still feels like a nosy interrogation, though.

When I'm trying to understand what's going on, words are the signposts that I navigate by. In those short responses like "fine", the whole message is in the tone, facial expression and body language - the actual words are redundant, and might as well be a grunt or click for all the difference it would make. I don't feel as if I'm being told anything - and even after nearly forty years trying to "pass", I have to remind myself that, to the other person, the lack of factual content is often intentional.

I really dislike the phrase, too.

Sadly, people rarely want to actually know how you are feeling or how your life is going. NT's use "how are you doing" as a polite, nothing, throw-away statement; a conversation starter or filler. It's the equivalent of saying, "Hey." as a salutation. ...Unless they are your boss. Then they do *not* want you to just say, "I'm good, how are you?". In fact, a manager or supervisor will get quite bothered by that response because when THEY ask "how are you doing" they want a status update on anything you are doing that is important to them. It took me years to finally learn that one (& advice from a NT person) , but now when I'm asked, "how are you doing" I reply with, "oh, the X project is done, but I'm held up on Z because Y".