are there AS people that are/were bullyes?

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Just wondering, as I kept reading about AS kids being bullied though school and later on in life (or made fun of, taken advantage of)...are there AS people who act the opposite? They bully others? Showing a lack of emphaty or caring for the pain and feelings of others? It could take the form of school bullying, bullying of parents, bullying a spuse, acting like a head-strong, arrogant know-it-all (even when faced with negative reactions from others)? Kind of like an Alpha AS:)


And are there AS people that are social butterflies, instead of very shy people? Social -butterflies like...with a committment issue...having no problem meeting people but due to a lack of "heart" or due to a lack of strong emphaty simply not being able to attach themselves and form relationships?

I have never and will never be a bully but apparently I am very obvious if I don't like someone thats as close as I've come, and im not aware of that, at least, I don't know how to act any different, If I don't like someone, I don't talk to them...thats all. Nothing like excluding people from groups because I've never been part of groups. My family find me embarrassing, thats all so it can't be a big problem.

I am in no way on earth a social butterfly.


Oh actually sometimes I can push my point too strong as well.
When I was younger the only way I got by was copying everyone else and I never really mastered the girly thing of talking about others behind their backs, they generally ended up being really near me and I just didn't understand the concept or point of it, or of bitching about people either, I still don't really understand why you don't just say it to the person, surely they should know.

Last edited by craola on 28 Apr 2008, 8:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

When I stand up for myself I come off as a bully.

Bullies breed bullies.

Headstrong, arrogant know-it-all here (been that as a child, but try to be nice today) and a 'social butterfly'.

In the sense that you described it. I'm not shy, not anxious about meeting people. I can talk to anyone.

If it weren't for the fact that people usually reject me before I even begin talking to them...

I now know that when I act like the princess of the world, ignoring and caring for nothing of others, actually hurts people.

But in the end, I still do end up being real nasty to people in real life. Because then I'm so stressed out that I just disregard this premise.

But I don't take any joy in the hurt reactions of others. I don't understand that because I can't at all relate to others. When I look at people I feel: blank.

So yeah, I have to use my pretty head to be sure to be respectful and tolerant and all. Because I do value these two very very much.

And I do it good, but I'm still more of a 'all you lot follow me, I'll point the way!'

I ended up taking my aggression out on a friend for a little while (in high school). It lasted less than a month, and I felt like complete s**t afterwards.

Yes, there are autistic children who bully others. I have known some. We discussed it on a thread where a poster here described bullying someone.

However, showing a lack of caring for the feeling of other people, while a trait some people (with or without autism) have, is not itself an autistic trait. We have the same range of caring as anyone else. There was even a paper that described how autistic people have the same level of caring as anyone else, we just might not always recognize when something is doing harm. But if we recognize it, we don't want to do it any more than anyone else does.

One person I know who is very caring who was a bully when she was growing up, said that she recognized eventually that beating people up hurt them, and then she didn't want to do it anymore. Whereas, someone who didn't care, would have gone on not caring even after they found out it hurt people.

Of course, there have to be autistic people who don't care even if they know it's wrong, the same as there are non-autistic people who don't care even if they know it's wrong. But the not caring is a personality trait separate from autism.



There are definitely autistic people who are very social, the details you give could probably exist in an autistic person or a non-autistic person.

We might also take a while to notice when we're being bullied. I was nice to the people who were actually bullying (very passive-aggressively) me for a while before I noticed what they were doing.

Then I started standing up for myself and bullied back.

It doesn't work though, I found out now that that's what they want - they want to see you provoked, so that will do anything to provoke you. Best thing is to be a better person than them and ignore. Let them have fun, by themselves.

Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? Finding out a little late that people are actually bullying you?

Always. I often just don't pay attention to people. When I do pay attention, I realise stuff right away. But usually, 90% of social interaction just doesn't pertain my bubble of no-see, no-hear, not-there.

Last time it took me more than one month of severe bullying to figure out that I was bullied. It's always been like this.

maybe asperger dont know what they did when they starting bulling someone , maybe it was just trying to get 'social' to someone and was misunderstood

I think it's really sad when you have a bunch of middle aged women and men acting like a bunch of pre teens...

Heck, I'm trying to "act my age" and I feel way more mature than some of them.

(in case you haven't guessed - that's the age group the people who are bullying me are )

Yes aspies can bully. I don't understand why they would bully if they are being bullied themselves. Maybe they do it because they think they are supposed to do it because they are seeing other kids do it.
But some are just plain mean just like some kids with other disabilities are mean too and NTs.
Some might bully because they are thinking they fit in better if they bully because they think if other kids see them do it, they think they are just as good as them and accept them and not reject them or make fun of them.


I teased other kids when I was little, I'm sure that classifies as bullying. Teasing is part of bullying. I have made fun of some kids thinking that's what I was supposed to do and I also did it to be like everyone else and I thought kids would like me and think I am just as good as them and I am not stupid.


Don't assume people with AS don't bully because they were victims themselves. I used to think aspies don't bully for that same reason but I was wrong when I joined the community. Then I thought it was an NT trait they had that made them bully but I was also wrong about that too. I have realized bullying is not part of being NT and it is certinally not a trait of it. Bullying isn't par of anything, it's part of being a human, some people are just mean, period. Actually there are lot of people out there who are dick heads.

Same here. I have been seen as being a bully for standing up for myself. But isn't it possible that they aren't trying to bully you and you thought they were so when you stood up for yourself, you looked like a jerk?

I was a bully when I first moved to Montana because I thought I was defending myself. I thought other kids were picking on me when all they were doing was friendly teasing and they wanted me to notice them and that was what they did to each other but I took it all personal because I was bullied in my last school so it left me with PSTD tendancies.

Oh is that what some asspies do to me? I have fought back when I get put down because they wanted to see me get mad and stand up for myself and they fight back after I do. I think I knew one aspie like that but thank god he left these forums but he might come back. He had before in the past. Then I decided picking a fight with him doesn't get me anywhere because maybe he wants me to fight, maybe that's what he wanted me to do. I say insults back to him so he can say back even more hurtful insults and people like that makes them bigger a**holes. The methods I did to him may have worked on other jerks but not on this one. Then when I decided to ignore him, he sure got mad and he still tried to upset me by saying hurtful things about me but I didn't respond, then he stopped.


I have gone through situations where I was bullied by my own friends and didn't even know it. My mother told me when I was in sixth grade and boy was I hurt when I found that out. I think I was used by them so that's why they played with me because they wanted to play with my stuff and stuff my brother's and I had and when they be done, they leave. I always bought their excuses why they had to go.

I have never been a bully.

I didn't know that was bullying too. I thought kids played like this. If it is or is similar to bullying I'm pretty mad now.

But it sure would explain why almost everyone in my elementary class wanted to play once with me back then. Never twice. And they'd always end up playing with my grandmother and I'd play by myself for the afternoon.

Oh, so not great.

Hypocrisy in a nutshell. When I call them names they don't like it, yet they love calling me names. They call me a jerk (among other things) because I stood up for myself. Their behaviour would even be funny if it weren't so astronomically pathetic.

Funny how the world works.