what does having schizophrenia feel like?
There's actually an article (interview) on that up on iO9 today called I'm Ellyn Saks and this is what it's like to live with schizophrenia. I hope that helps. ![]()
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AQ Test = 44 Aspie Quiz = 169 Aspie 33 NT EQ / SQ-R = Extreme Systematising
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Not all those who wander are lost.
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In the country of the blind, the one eyed man - would be diagnosed with a psychological disorder
Yes. It developed when I was 11, and my life has been in shambles ever since. I hear voices telling me to kill myself almost non-stop (whick i have tried to do 3 times because of this), and I hallucinate pretty badly too. I have many characters that I see, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,Amy, Winifred Stuart Baxter are all names of the hallucinations I see. They are all people, but I see bugs too. They crawl over my body and swarm about in massive coddles of blackness.
I'm very paranoid as well, The most common thoughts are 'everyone is plotting to kill me,' 'everyone is laughing/watching me,' and 'number 7 is going to kill my family.'
I have recently changed my anti-psychotics which has stopped me from functioning properly and has stopped me going to school, or even out the house. I have these episodes where I scream and pull out clumps of my hair and thrash and hit. They last about four hours and I only stop when I'm so exhausted I can't move, but are getting better because I have been tranquillized the last few times. I am covered in bruises from being restrained and my hair is falling out, but my doctors and nurses say I should get better soon.
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"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." - Socrates
Your Aspie score: 170 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 24 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Want to thank theWanderer for putting that link about Elyn Saks. I'd never heard of her before, and reading that article made me check out her autobiography, The Center Cannot Hold, about her descent into schizophrenia. I'm currently reading the book, and it is amazing. The very early beginnings of her mental illness were like a more severe form of pure obsessional OCD, which I have. (I have long been fascinated by the striking parallels and striking differences between psychosis and pure obsessional OCD.) Plus, her struggles to do well in academia despite mental illness remind me so much of my life.
I am really touched by the book so far, and I know that, now that I'm reaching the full-blown schizophrenic psychosis part (she already is exhibiting psychotic depression, just not typical schizophrenia psychosis), I will be even more touched. Wonderful descriptions of what it's like to experience psychosis. I highly recommend the book to the original poster. I read on Amazon that it's like the schizophrenia version of Kay Redfield Jamison's An Unquiet Mind, and I totally agree. I also recommend An Unquiet Mind to the OP, if he/she is interested in reading a fabulous description of psychotic mania in a bipolar-I individual. Jamison and Saks are mental illness role models for me. They have achieved so much academically despite suffering so much. These very strong women inspire me to push on in my academic dreams. They have had to fight demons far stronger than any I have ever suffered, and if they were able to make it, I know I can, too.
And, NocturnalLament, I totally empathize your struggle. I cannot even imagine the hell schizophrenia must be. I know how horrifying pure obsessional OCD is, and that is only the tip of the iceburg compared to schizophrenia. I wish you the best of luck for the future. ^_^
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Helinger: Now, what do you see, John?
Nash: Recognition...
Helinger: Well, try seeing accomplishment!
Nash: Is there a difference?
Last edited by OddDuckNash99 on 16 Feb 2013, 3:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Thank you, your thoughts mean a lot
_________________
"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." - Socrates
Your Aspie score: 170 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 24 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
This link might be of interest to anyone curious enough
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=6a5_1361114754
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