Feel so ugly and unloveable both in and out

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That's what is so bizarre. I know the women who reflect the qualities I lack are wrong for me. But I feel repelled in some way by those that mirror my qualities, perhaps because they are qualities in myself that I hate so much, and so I cannot love them in another person, or perhaps it is because I fear that if the other person mirrored the qualities of mine that I dislike, that she will reinforce them.

And I can quickly see that there are no women left, if I have trouble liking those similar to me, and I like those who are dissimilar, yet I know we wouldn't work. I'm trying to overcome these feelings. I just know I could if one girl would be willing to give me a chance.

I've said in the past I'd sell my soul for a relationship. I'd still do, and for a failed relationship. Because then I would've at least had one, and could go from there.

Is anyone willing to date me?

Just desperately wanting someone to love you isn't gonna attract anyone. Sorry, but it's true. Except maybe other people lieke you who are in the same position. Dunno whether a relationship between people like that would work really well or would be a recipe for disaster

Women want to feel like you want THEM. If you make it clear you just want "someone" to love you, they're not gonna feel special to you in any way

Craving human contact/affection is understandable. For most people that is a normal reaction to spending your life so far alone. But this kind of attitude isn't gonna change your position. As hard as it sounds (and as hard as it probably IS, I'm not gonna lie), you need to change your outlook on life. Find someting else to occupy your mind, you must have interests or hobbies. Pursue a career, focus on education, volunteer, try and make new friends.

Oh if only you knew all I did. When I'm not working to make ends meet, as a freelance filmmaker, I'm working on scripts for new films, applying for grants to fund them, always planning how to make the film happen, so I can have a bit of self determination, and not have to take every crap gig that comes my way. I restore antiques, and I go run for 8 or 10 or 12 miles until I've got blisters. I do photography and stop motion animation to fill my evenings. I've got so much going on, and it really is all that keeps me from shotgunning a bottle of pills right now.

But I can't get rid of the loneliness, and the desire for someone for whom i will matter, and who will matter to me. I am tortured by these awful dreams, where I encounter a girl, and she looks at me with such love and acceptance. In my dreams I'm charming and outgoing and everything I am not in real life. And the dream ends with us holding hands. and then I wake up.

I've read through this thread. From reading this it seems to me that you may benifit from a good counsilor.

I'm guessing as you do so much excersize, you also eat well for health. Thus you probably don't look bad, you think that of yourself but you probably look good.

If there was an easy way to help, I'd give it but from reading this it seems that you may benifit from taking time from your busy schedule for your mental well being. CBT may help if the person running it understands AS, I've had help from Solution Focused Brief Therapy so that might help you if you'd find it better for you.

Listen up, brother. You need to start working up and become buff like the Hulkster. Women love a guy with confidence, and having 24 inch pythons will make the women swoon over you. Like the Hulkster's old, beloved friend Rick Rude (may he rest in peace) would say, you need to not be a fat, out of shape sweathog.

Didn't you read what he said? He said that he ran regularly between 8 and 12 miles. That means that he probably doesn't have much fat if any on his body. Also, really muscular guys can look scary and not so attractive.

In the interest of fairness, I have to agree that there is an element of truth to this as well. That is probably mostly due to the fact that withing our culture, it is more acceptable and therefore more attractive for a woman to be meek, insecure, needy, and otherwise lack confidence. To be sure, some of this is due to cultural influences from our patriarchal society. Gender roles are changing, but it will take many generations to totally erase gender roles, if in fact they ever are erased.

Further, most of us, men and women, are far more likely to respond with sympathy to a woman in distress than a man. This is likely biological, as females are reproductively more valuable than males. A male can make as many offspring as there are females to mate with, but a female is limited by gestation period, regardless of how many different males are around. It makes sense to guard them and care for them more than men. There's a reason that in ancient times, the general custom in war was to kill all the men when you conquered an area, and take the women as extra wives or servants. Even in recent times, the rule for lifeboat seats on sinking ships was "women and children first". Many of our heroic stories are about men killing one another in some fashion to save the "damsel in distress" or bravely sacrificing themselves for their comrades, their God, or their nation. In a very real biological sense, men are expendable. I believe that we are to some extent biologically programmed to feel more sympathy for women than men in all cases.

Being a male is also different in other ways. I've read many accounts, and this is backed by personal experience as well, that what women like in men is quite different from what men like in women. Men want women who are fit and young looking because biologically, young and fit women are more fertile. Women want men who are older, taller, and larger because those are signs of survivability. An older male has presumably survived more hunts and battles than his younger counterparts, and by not dying in said excursions, he has proven himself a survivor. Why mate with a young male who may stupidly get himself killed when you can be attached to an experienced male who has shown his ability to survive. A taller and larger male is more likely to have high status in a group, and more likely to be able to fend off other males or dangers. We've all seen TV and movies where a fat, or older, male is paired, seemingly inexplicably, with a younger more attractive woman. However, when was the last time you saw a married TV or movie couple where the man was shorter or lighter (and I mean the character not the actor, there are various camera tricks used to make people appear shorter or taller than they actually are)?

What does this have to do with the OP? Well, if you're a 5'7', 140 lb. guy that can run a marathon or makes 200,000 dollars a year, you may STILL be perceived by many women as less attractive or desirable than an overweight McDonald's assistant manager who's 6'1" and 275 pounds. Obviously, this is not rocket science and can be confirmed by plenty of studies and anecdotal evidence as well. Women don't have any more control over who they find attractive than men do.

I, fortunately, am 6'0", 235 lb. This gives me an advantage before confidence or income or social ability is even entered into the equation. I'm also 30 now, and am having far greater success than I had at 22 with the same types of women (frankly the only people I seemed to attract then were girls either just out of or about to graduate HS). To some extent, all this is quite unfair, and I think that's part of what the OP resents. It definitely is unfair, but fair or not, we can only modify our nature so much, and at some point, we have to accept things as they are. Men have a greater burden to prove themselves worthy in our or any other society, while women, by and large, simply have to signal their availability. The women, of course, have the dilemma of selecting among the many possible suitors and must figure out which ones are not lying or hiding their true nature in order to impress, and which ones are actually most suitable as a partner. Men can simply pursue whoever they find attractive and/or attainable and ignore the rest. IMO, in the long run the women have the greater burden, but at the initiation of a relationship, the man has the greater hurdle to overcome.

Maybe your standards are too high?

I mean you go on about wanting a pretty girl, and if none want you, you could get a cute average girl or whatever? Maybe i've got the wrong end of the stick, I know you've heard it all before but i'll tell you a story.

I used to live to eat. All I had in my life was food. It was not until I found something I enjoy did I not live for my next meal. You can do this too with yourself and living to have a GF.

I mean I can't really give good advice in this situation as I couldn't care less about a BF they are too much hassle, but I do wish you the best of luck. It's cliche but stop looking. Find another reason to live. They are out there.

Get a well-reviewed GFE Escort who looks like a girl you had a crush on and rejected you. It will kill that desperation you are dripping with. Once you demystify sex, you will be able to decide on what you really want.

Given that you are a filmmaker, maybe start making porn, you'd be surprised how many girls are willing to take their clothes off for a shot at some money/fame.

Secondly, don't curse someone out who is simply pointing out what you are doing wrong. Frankly you should apologize to Emlion since she only tried to help you. Don't be a jerkass.

Also, the idea of "unconditional love" is a crock of s**t. Everyone has to put their best foot forward.

He is posting in a humorous manner. SPERGY MOMENT!