Got advice from a friend and now I feel utterly overwhelmed

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I think if you're only spending one day shopping, you'd only be able to find at most 2 or 3 different pieces of clothing that fit properly, look cool, and are affordable.

I am incredibly selective about what I wear and I won't buy something unless it's close to a perfect fit (both size and for the look you're going for)

So replacing your entire wardrobe with stuff that looks great on you would take months, even if you really wanted to.

One thing you should try to steer clear of is any sort of clothing with obvious labels. maybe superficial girls will complement you based on the brand name but that's not the kind of girl you're aiming for.

What body type are you? I can recommend some clothing companies depending on what shape you are.

Body type? Well I'm a runner, but a damn weird looking one. Sticks for legs and arms coming out of a body. There's nothing to accentuate. I loathe form fitting clothes, I need loose and baggy.

But I just can't do it. I can't have this friend of mine figure out how clueless I am. I've never really bought my own clothes. Just get a few nice new shirts, shorts and kahkis for birthday and christmas, and that has suited me just fine.

Clothes have never mattered to be, apart from looking nice. I like to be unobtrusive and blend in. I don't like to stick out or make myself the source of mockery. I've worked long and hard to make my self respectable and to be taken seriously, and if I have a regret, it's that I asked my friends for help. Now they know I have trouble finding women on my own, and they probably think I'm sad, sad, sad. I've been good about keeping aspects of my life compartmentalized so my friends, family, professional contacts don't see anything about me that might negatively impact their opinion of me. I've got too many ambitions as a filmmaker to risk it all by not being taken seriously.

My plan is to "forget" about the email, and hope she forgets too. Gonna start some new film projects, and go run some more miles in this hundred degree heat, until I beat out of my head all these silly romantic notions I have.

I've got to learn to live within myself, and for myself, and be happy being alone, because I'm just so tired of trying to find somebody, and getting distracted from the work I think I'm meant to pursue. I'm simply not meant for dating.

Thanks all

Because I want people to like me for me, and when I discover a friend thinks I don't dress so hip or fashionably it hurts. I want to be well regarded by everyone.

It doesn't mean you're not well regarded. She's still your friend, she obviously likes you whether she likes your style or not. No one likes everything about someone. It's what they feel about you overall that's important. Everyone has different tastes and likes, so it's really impossible for everyone to like everything about someone.

Just thought Id put it out there that this isnt a black and white thing.

You can try going shopping with your friend and finding something that you like and is somewhat fashionable and combine it with something thats old fashioned.
Also you dont have to throw out your entire wardrobe. You can get a shirt and see how it feels/the results if you want to make a really informed decision


I have shirts that happen to be the latest season of some in tm(have a thing for sales and I can take a lot of time looking through things until I find something that is "me") and I have shirts that happen to be from several ages ago/out of style, they are still me but for different occasions.

Some people have told me that this is crazy and I could just stick to the "cool" clothing I have and give the other things away but I explain them that Im many things and that means Im not always dressing "cool" because Im not going to be defined by whatever clothing I wear.
If someone has an issue with this they are encouraged to ignore me because Im not going to change anytime soon.

You don't really need to even change your wardrobe, just making adjustments that make you more appealing and highlight your better features is all that is required.

Given your body type, you want to avoid polo shirt or V neck shirts and stick to more crew neck shirts.

Pinstripe suits and vertically striped dress shirts will suit you as they will add a sense of height to your body.

Dress in proportion to your body, wear clothes that show you are confident in your body.

Hair style is important, go to a hair stylist and ask for the best type of style that will suit your head.

Avoid wearing logo shirts.

If you have a tall body type, try breaking it up by mixing the colours up, a double breasted blazer that is tailored to fit would be worth looking into and remember to go for vertical stripes.



Again, dressing in proportion is important when it comes to jackets, a jacket that is too short will emphasize a taller and leaner build and a jacket that is too long or baggy will make you look like a potato sack.

Buy a skinny jacket that is in proportion to your body, they can go well with turtle neck and dress shirts. A cropped brown leather jacket would suit you because you can even wear brown with beige as the two colours complement each other.

where do you live that you see men in turtlenecks?
I've only really seen them in period movies and on stereotypical "nerdy" or "out of touch characters
Michael Fassbender looks good, but he's also in the fictional 60's
I suspect that may be a regionalism (in my area for men to not wear them)
I'm not trying to disagree with you, just curious

[/quote]
Body type? Well I'm a runner, but a damn weird looking one. Sticks for legs and arms coming out of a body. There's nothing to accentuate. I loathe form fitting clothes, I need loose and baggy.

But I just can't do it. I can't have this friend of mine figure out how clueless I am. I've never really bought my own clothes. Just get a few nice new shirts, shorts and kahkis for birthday and christmas, and that has suited me just fine.

Clothes have never mattered to be, apart from looking nice. I like to be unobtrusive and blend in. I don't like to stick out or make myself the source of mockery. I've worked long and hard to make my self respectable and to be taken seriously, and if I have a regret, it's that I asked my friends for help. Now they know I have trouble finding women on my own, and they probably think I'm sad, sad, sad. I've been good about keeping aspects of my life compartmentalized so my friends, family, professional contacts don't see anything about me that might negatively impact their opinion of me. I've got too many ambitions as a filmmaker to risk it all by not being taken seriously.

My plan is to "forget" about the email, and hope she forgets too. Gonna start some new film projects, and go run some more miles in this hundred degree heat, until I beat out of my head all these silly romantic notions I have.

I've got to learn to live within myself, and for myself, and be happy being alone, because I'm just so tired of trying to find somebody, and getting distracted from the work I think I'm meant to pursue. I'm simply not meant for dating.
[quote]

All of this is SO fascinating to me (an NT with a crush on an Aspie)
Clothing IS so personal, no matter how hard you may try to make it "not matter" since we cant go out in public nude, we cannot escape clothing and therefore- what it represents!
OK, I respect your desire to be authentic to yourself, but you are not realizing something- your authentic self is changing! (That's a good thing!) So you are conflicted, which makes sense. Part of you wants to remain loyal to the old you. Part of you is very protective of the old you. BUT part of you is ready to acknowledge the NEW you, the you that is getting ready for a girlfriend and the part of you that is just growing and developing, ie, changing. New clothes can represent ALL of this. I would suggest going with your friend to help choose clothes bcs life is always better with a friend. Let her know of your dilemma. She'll probably get it and actually be flattered that you are letting her in to your world and your thinking and feeling. I know I would be flattered and honored. (But I'm super cool- not everyone is like me! )Anyway, just go slow and keep some of who you are while experimenting and playing around with parts you might want to change. Ultimately, YOU have to be comfortable with what you wear, so your friend cannot be the "DECIDER"! !

OK, I have to say also- the part of your post I included above in quotes--- is SO revealing to me of what I am probably dealing with myself with the Aspie I have a crush on. I have suspected a thinking process EXACTLY as you share with my guy and it really makes it hard- if not impossible to get anywhere with him. He is prideful, scared- scared of being hurt, scared of ANYTHING that might interfere with his career ambitions, (including opening up to me more), he is afraid to ask for help from his friends or to admit he may even need help (things that are highly recommended for healthy adults!). It's OK to ask for help in life. If these ppl really are your friends they will be happy to help. They will then share their weakness' with YOU and you will actually deepen and enrich your friendship. It too, willl bcm more authentic as it too grows and develops. My friend too worries SO MUCH about appearing competent and independent (which is ironic bcs isnt that a case of worrying obsessively about IMAGE- much like a person's clothing?) that he suffers lonliness and lack-of-girlfriend- ness. I think that in the end, he will never feel safe enuf or comfortable enuf to open up to me even tho I know he likes me and I cant force him. I am learning that his feelings may be based in past traumatic experiences, but its hard to watch someone you KNOW wants to share his life with someone special (when I want to also!) but he has even more powerfully conflicting feelings...and so much of it frankly- just like with you- appears to be based on EGO, and a desire to not NEED anyone. This really isnt healthy. Thanks for your honesty and just think- there may be a cute and cool chick out there just waiting and wishing for YOU - but you were more concerned about looking "cool" and being ambitious than in being happy with her. I say you really CAN have it all.

Do you actually want to attract girls is the question? If the way you are dressing is turning girls off, then that is a huge issue. Or do you just want to maybe attract a girl once every 5 yrs. Let me remind you, that any girl you might attract, there is no guarentee. So I wouldnt consider dressing unflattering as a good filtering technique.

See I once knew an aspie guy who dressed pretty bad. He would wonder why many women would be quick to tag him as a potential threat or sexual harasser when he wasnt. So in turn, he would generally avoid even just making small talk with women he only knew lightly. He might just greet them and thats it. Well he had long hair, pot belly, wore leather jackets, jeans, steel toe boots, and was almost 40. However he did manage to take advantage of me when I was 19 because I was super naive and desperate back then and had no experiance dating guys. Of course it did not work out. When I look back in retrospect, I see very clearly why most women would not even want to come near him.

My point is, if your outfit is very unappealing, dont expect yourself to get dates. We do live in a shallow world.