Why do some people not want us?

Page 2 of 3 [ 33 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

NorthWind
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jun 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 577

19 Oct 2016, 8:19 am

Bridgette77 wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Bridgette77 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
They don't understand us. We communicate differently & act different than how they do.


And, to further expound on what Nick said, they are shallow minded, and unwilling to look beyond their preconceived notions, and educate themselves. If they would, they would truly find some very special people worthy of love and companionship.

I don't agree. Some people just wouldn't be a good match with Aspergians and it wouldn't be fair to call them shallow or ineducated for that.


Perhaps, in some cases yes, but we are talking in terms of GP, and what would you call it, when someone judges a group based on a stereo type, without learning about a person first?


In many cases the NT mightn't know the autistic person is autistic. In these cases they can't reject them due to a negative stereotype because they can't associate a stereotype about autism with that person.

In many cases when the NT knows about autism the reason why they reject them mightn't be a stereotype.
If you are already dating someone, tell them about your autism and get rejected right after that, then you can be sure the reason was a stereotype but in most other cases you can't.

Or are we talking about NTs who say online or elsewhere they would never date an autistic person. Many of them have a negative and simplistic stereotype about autism but I've seen this so few times I'd assume the majority of NTs never thinks about whether they'd date an autistic person or not.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

19 Oct 2016, 8:49 am

Bridgette77 wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Bridgette77 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
They don't understand us. We communicate differently & act different than how they do.


And, to further expound on what Nick said, they are shallow minded, and unwilling to look beyond their preconceived notions, and educate themselves. If they would, they would truly find some very special people worthy of love and companionship.

I don't agree. Some people just wouldn't be a good match with Aspergians and it wouldn't be fair to call them shallow or ineducated for that.


Perhaps, in some cases yes, but we are talking in terms of GP, and what would you call it, when someone judges a group based on a stereo type, without learning about a person first?

What is GP? Why do people always use ancoyms and assume that other people understand them?



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

19 Oct 2016, 10:28 am

NorthWind wrote:
Bridgette77 wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Bridgette77 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
They don't understand us. We communicate differently & act different than how they do.


And, to further expound on what Nick said, they are shallow minded, and unwilling to look beyond their preconceived notions, and educate themselves. If they would, they would truly find some very special people worthy of love and companionship.

I don't agree. Some people just wouldn't be a good match with Aspergians and it wouldn't be fair to call them shallow or ineducated for that.


Perhaps, in some cases yes, but we are talking in terms of GP, and what would you call it, when someone judges a group based on a stereo type, without learning about a person first?


In many cases the NT mightn't know the autistic person is autistic. In these cases they can't reject them due to a negative stereotype because they can't associate a stereotype about autism with that person.

In many cases when the NT knows about autism the reason why they reject them mightn't be a stereotype.
If you are already dating someone, tell them about your autism and get rejected right after that, then you can be sure the reason was a stereotype but in most other cases you can't.

Or are we talking about NTs who say online or elsewhere they would never date an autistic person. Many of them have a negative and simplistic stereotype about autism but I've seen this so few times I'd assume the majority of NTs never thinks about whether they'd date an autistic person or not.

Ok, so when would it be necessary to tell someone you are autistic? People don't like being with people who "seem wrong" to them. You can just hang out with someone for a little while and if you get a bad vibe from them, you don't hang out with them anymore. Is it possible autistics send a "wrong vibe" even if it's unintentional? Can this be fixed through learned behavior? And if you can mask those distinctively autistic tendencies, is it even worth it to tell a potential partner that you're autistic?



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,183
Location: US

19 Oct 2016, 1:12 pm

Grammar Geek wrote:
EScissorhands wrote:
The individual looking down at the water, "Why do N/T's not want a relationships with autistics?"
The reflection looking up toward the individual, "Why do autistics not want relationships other autistics?"


A lot of us do want relationships with other autistics, including me.

It's usually autistic women who don't want to date other autistics often for same reason Nt women dont.

I'm not sure I'd want to date an aspie woman to be honest. It'd depend on if they'll the no touching rude types. One I tried to was very pushy and then rude. And I need lots of touching. Suppose if she's not rude and likes touching and sex it could work.



smudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

19 Oct 2016, 1:31 pm

sly279 wrote:
It's usually autistic women who don't want to date other autistics often for same reason Nt women dont.

I'm not sure I'd want to date an aspie woman to be honest. It'd depend on if they'll the no touching rude types. One I tried to was very pushy and then rude. And I need lots of touching. Suppose if she's not rude and likes touching and sex it could work.


I feel exactly the same way with men. Even the ones who really wanted me but didn't like touch, no, lack of appreciation for touch is a huge dealbreaker for me.


_________________
I've left WP.


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,183
Location: US

19 Oct 2016, 1:38 pm

smudge wrote:
sly279 wrote:
It's usually autistic women who don't want to date other autistics often for same reason Nt women dont.

I'm not sure I'd want to date an aspie woman to be honest. It'd depend on if they'll the no touching rude types. One I tried to was very pushy and then rude. And I need lots of touching. Suppose if she's not rude and likes touching and sex it could work.


I feel exactly the same way with men. Even the ones who really wanted me but didn't like touch, no, lack of appreciation for touch is a huge dealbreaker for me.


Glad I'm not alone. Seems lots of aspie don't like any touch.



Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

19 Oct 2016, 2:23 pm

And others are starved of it.


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


smudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

19 Oct 2016, 2:31 pm

sly279 wrote:
smudge wrote:
sly279 wrote:
It's usually autistic women who don't want to date other autistics often for same reason Nt women dont.

I'm not sure I'd want to date an aspie woman to be honest. It'd depend on if they'll the no touching rude types. One I tried to was very pushy and then rude. And I need lots of touching. Suppose if she's not rude and likes touching and sex it could work.


I feel exactly the same way with men. Even the ones who really wanted me but didn't like touch, no, lack of appreciation for touch is a huge dealbreaker for me.


Glad I'm not alone. Seems lots of aspie don't like any touch.


From all the aspies I've met, which are many - no, a lot of them don't.

As for me, I'm comfortable with touch if I really trust them well.


_________________
I've left WP.


RubyTates
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 10 Sep 2015
Age: 38
Posts: 183
Location: Los Angeles, Ca

19 Oct 2016, 10:46 pm

EScissorhands wrote:
The individual looking down at the water, "Why do N/T's not want a relationships with autistics?"
The reflection looking up toward the individual, "Why do autistics not want relationships other autistics?"


I'm wishing that I could find another autistic person to be in a relationship with. Most NTs that I meet make fun of my "unusual" viewpoints and behavior. I really don't want to change and don't see anything wrong with me, but it really hurts to be viewed as weird and strange by everyone around you.



Dr.Pepper
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 198

20 Oct 2016, 10:43 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Why do some people not want to have a romantic/sexual relationship with someone who has quite pronounced aspergers?


Because they don't have the depth to appreciate the person behind the idiosyncrasies. Or maybe they do and don't feel like it's a match.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,183
Location: US

21 Oct 2016, 12:05 am

Why would they want aspies?
Nothing but negatives compared to normals so why wouldn't they go for the successful normal people



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

21 Oct 2016, 7:24 am

sly279 wrote:
Why would they want aspies?
Nothing but negatives compared to normals so why wouldn't they go for the successful normal people

I wouldn't say that Aspergians in general are not successful. Just because you aren't, it doesn't mean that most are like you.



ShadowProphet
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 12 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 291

21 Oct 2016, 8:15 am

Because they're not cool enough.



Wolfram87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Feb 2015
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,976
Location: Sweden

21 Oct 2016, 8:56 am

ShadowProphet wrote:
Because they're not cool enough.


Speak for yourself. I'm so cool you could keep a side of beef in me for a month. I'm so hip I can barely see over my pelvis...


_________________
I'm bored out of my skull, let's play a different game. Let's pay a visit down below and cast the world in flame.


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,183
Location: US

22 Oct 2016, 2:01 am

Peacesells wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Why would they want aspies?
Nothing but negatives compared to normals so why wouldn't they go for the successful normal people

I wouldn't say that Aspergians in general are not successful. Just because you aren't, it doesn't mean that most are like you.

Most aren't. That's statistics. Yes a few like dox or raptor and some others are. But there's not a lot of upper middle class or rich aspies.



Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

22 Oct 2016, 2:20 am

To say mental health issues are 'different for everyone' and 'some don't have it as bad' is a true statement in itself, but implies that just because some people with mental health issues are functioning 'better', this means they aren't 'struggling' and don't 'deserve' help because they're not doing bad anyway, and thus marginalizes the issues of those with mental health issues.

If you want the facts, Aspies have higher rates of being LGBTA compared to the general population (and, of course, all the drawbacks that come with that).

Quote:
"Self-perceived gender typicality did not differ between the groups but tomboyism and bisexuality were overrepresented amongst women with autism spectrum disorder. Lower libido was reported amongst both male and female participants with autism spectrum disorder compared with controls."
[1]

We may have a higher divorce rate:

Quote:
Any successful marriage takes work, but one involving a partner with Asperger's presents its own unique set of challenges. While statistics regarding Asperger’s Syndrome and divorce are sparse, author Ashley Stanford states in her book Asperger Syndrome and Long Term Relationships that, “preliminary research performed in Holland suggests that the divorce rate for couples in which one partner has AS may be as high as 80%."
[2]

The fact some of us don't get the help we need, which is also a fact according to some of the below studies, also would mean we'd struggle if we can't get help with treatment.

Quote:
An Australian first survey has discovered that the majority of adults with Asperger’s and high functioning autism (HFA) are not able to get the support they need to achieve their goals and aspirations. Instead, these people (around 130,000) face years of struggle with isolation, mental health issues and a lack of fulfilling employment.
[3]

On work and education:

Quote:
35 percent of young adults (ages 19-23) with autism have not had a job or received postgraduate education after leaving high school. (Shattuck et al., 2012)
[4]

Quote:
In June 2014, only 19.3 percent of people with disabilities in the U.S. were participating in the labor force – working or seeking work. Of those, 12.9 percent were unemployed, meaning only 16.8 percent of the population with disabilities was employed. (By contrast, 69.3 percent of people without disabilities were in the labor force, and 65 percent of the population without disabilities was employed.) (Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2014)
[4]

Sources:

[1]: http://journals.plos.org/plosone/articl ... ne.0087961

[2]: http://www.healthguideinfo.com/asperger ... e/p118376/

[3]: https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/conte ... y-findings

[4]: http://www.autism-society.org/what-is/f ... tatistics/