My girlfriend hurt me, but did I deserve it?

Page 5 of 6 [ 81 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

23 Sep 2016, 6:08 pm

Peacesells wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Well I feel like it's my fault cause my verbal cheating on her with another woman, caused her to become upset, and do physical cheating, if that makes sense.

She is very sorry she says and says it was the biggest mistake of her life to do that to me. But at the same time, when I chewed her out about it, she said it was my fault as well, cause of what I did in the first place.

Dude stop being so naive, this is the most stupid thing I ever heard in my life. You said an inappropriate joke with some sort of ex and she f****d her ex and even kept him in her life. Not only that, but she is also blaming you for her own sluttiness and cheating. Seriously stop blaming yourself, it is really painful to see that. She should be the one on her knees begging you for forgiveness, and instead she is blaming you and you are taking the blame! Seriously WTF, this is ridiculous.


I think I would have a better time to dealing with the issue if I could talk to my friends, about it. But I was told on here, on a previous thread, that it was inappropriate for me to talk about my personal relationship problems with friends, since my gf was mad at me before for doing that. So I guess I have a harder time dealing with it, without really talking about it, with anyone I know.



nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

23 Sep 2016, 6:17 pm

So what ended up happening with the prenup agreement? Did you two get married yet?


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

23 Sep 2016, 6:19 pm

No, we just put off the marriage and took things slower for now.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

23 Sep 2016, 6:24 pm

ironpony wrote:
I think I would have a better time to dealing with the issue if I could talk to my friends, about it. But I was told on here, on a previous thread, that it was inappropriate for me to talk about my personal relationship problems with friends, since my gf was mad at me before for doing that. So I guess I have a harder time dealing with it, without really talking about it, with anyone I know.

Doesn't she talk about you with her friends?
I am not sure how to behave about this actually. I think instead of blaming you she should shut her mouth or keep apologizing. In what proportion is she blaming you, and in what proportion herself? If she is saying 50/50 then she's bloody crazy.
Btw do you know what is worse than telling your friends about your relationship problems? F***ing them.



nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

23 Sep 2016, 6:26 pm

She's a hot mess. You keep up with her and your life sure won't be drama-free. Are you desperado? Afraid to be on your own since you've been with her for so long?


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

23 Sep 2016, 7:55 pm

nurseangela wrote:
So what ended up happening with the prenup agreement? Did you two get married yet?


I knew it was the same guy!

I just didn't bother checking his past posts to confirm it.

I agree, this relationship of his is dysfunctional, partly due to the OP's honest mistakes, but mainly because of his girlfriend being irrational and difficult to deal with.



nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

23 Sep 2016, 8:02 pm

Outrider wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
So what ended up happening with the prenup agreement? Did you two get married yet?


I knew it was the same guy!

I just didn't bother checking his past posts to confirm it.

I agree, this relationship of his is dysfunctional, partly due to the OP's honest mistakes, but mainly because of his girlfriend being irrational and difficult to deal with.


I hope that I didn't hurt his feelings. After awhile you just get desensitized to the whole thing because he won't listen to you. He just wants someone who is going to see his side of it and unfortunately his side is the hot messes side too. I don't like hot messes - got enough of my own with just my job and school. That's why I'm pretty much single. I sure wouldn't have time to be putting up with stuff like this.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Sabreclaw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2015
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,971

23 Sep 2016, 8:18 pm

Out of curiosity I looked at your past threads.

If this is the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with... have fun.



Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

23 Sep 2016, 8:20 pm

I think this naturally comes with adulthood after dealing with relationships in general after some time, be it family, friends, dates, etc.

This is why I think a lot of young people may fall into toxic relationships frequently.

This tends to happen in high school and sometimes young adulthood, I notice some young people who are desperate or hopeless romantics might end up having 2-6 relationships in only one year, and there's a 90% chance it'll be a short-lived and toxic one that only ends in heartbreak.

Eventually they learn what a healthy relationship is and start having longer and more successful one's until they get it right.

Some others might also try dating and only deal with all the B.S., the flaking, the deviousness of some men who only wanted sex and end up disappointing a woman who specifically stated she's looking for more, the liars and cheaters, etc. and so comes a point where you become a lot more direct and to-the-point.

"I'm interested in you, and want something genuine and serious. Are you interested in me, and capable of living up to my expectations of you?"

You don't need to go through this to have a healthy relationship though.

Plenty end up taking their time, whether they choose to or not, and end up developing themselves and mature while single, so that when they start dating someone who's done the same, they're both properly ready and prepared for a healthy, long-lasting and successful love.

Both methods get to the same destination, they just go about different ways of getting there.

Personally, while I did pursue girls earlier, the best age to even begin any relationship and gain experience would probably be about age 17-19.

Unless you're exceptionally lucky and a very rare case, anything before that will just be two people who have no idea what they're doing, screwing around and seeing what sticks.

I'd rather be the guy who enters a relationship with someone who knows how to make it work just as much as I would than two foolish teens messing around until the next one comes.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

23 Sep 2016, 8:53 pm

In order to learn, you have to mess around a little.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,303
Location: Canada

23 Sep 2016, 11:58 pm

Op.... So your gf told you it was your fault for her cheating because of what you did first. Cheating is still her choice to make. Does this mean that she is incapable of accepting responsibiity for her actions? When you call her out on her bad behaviour, will she ratinlonalize her bad behaviours away until you accept responsibiity for her?

It sure sounds like this girl doesn't have a whole lot of respect for you if she really wants you to believe that her cheating is your fault.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

24 Sep 2016, 3:55 pm

Well she says she wishes she never done it, and wishes she could take it back, but then she tells me it's my fault, and that my behavior drove her to do that, but she wishes she hadn't.

So I am not sure if she is apologizing, or if I am to blame as well, or what...



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

24 Sep 2016, 5:50 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well she says she wishes she never done it, and wishes she could take it back, but then she tells me it's my fault, and that my behavior drove her to do that, but she wishes she hadn't.

So I am not sure if she is apologizing, or if I am to blame as well, or what...

Wow man, so she didn't even apologize to you?



ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

24 Sep 2016, 6:23 pm

She did apologize and first and said she wishes she could take it all back. Later on, I wasn't in the mood to have sex, and was feeling bad about it still, like a couple of weeks later. This is when she said that it was partially my fault at least.



nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

24 Sep 2016, 6:29 pm

I have to say that for me an apology just doesn't cut it. Their actions mean more. In my opinion, her actions have not been good. It's not like you haven't had plenty of time and plenty of opinions from others about how she has acted toward you. Whatever decision you make, you'll have to reap the consequences.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

24 Sep 2016, 6:48 pm

ironpony wrote:
She did apologize and first and said she wishes she could take it all back. Later on, I wasn't in the mood to have sex, and was feeling bad about it still, like a couple of weeks later. This is when she said that it was partially my fault at least.

Wow dude, after just two weeks she tries to guilt-trip you just because you are still feeling bad? Should you behave like nothing happened, in her opinion? What a b***h. I'm not sure what I'd do, maybe I'd tell her to f**k off.