Do any other guys feel this way I do?

Post Reply New Topic

Do any other guys on here, when they see a guy on the streets with an attractive looking woman, and whether you have no girlfriend, or do have one, but don't consider her attractive looking, is it wrong to feel something down like a tiny heart attack inside? Do you ever feel this way?

I sometimes feel like the odds of getting a female who I think is attractive looking to date me is smaller than average. I don't drive a car or have a job. My NT cousin who gets some girls is 24 and doesn't drive a car, but he still has a job as a cook and lives in his own apartment. Should I lose hope like this?

How objectively attractive are you yourself? If you are asymmetrical, fat, poor hygiene/dress, etc, you can't expect attractive people to be attracted to you, now can you? If you are objectively attractive yourself, then there is a good chance other attractive people will be drawn to you, unless your personality puts them off (and even then sometimes people will ignore a bad personality if someone is good-looking enough). So if you are objectively "hot", then you can expect that other hot people will likely be attracted to you at some point.

I am definitely not fat. Still, I can't carry my body very gracefully. I don't know how powerful personality is, because people may just look at my presentation with face value anyway and get the wrong first impression of me because of my physical disability. I was also told that there isn't much I can do to change about myself. I didn't want to be so shallow, I just felt bummed out.

Well reality dictates that attractive people usually end up with other attractive people. So there is your answer.

So, does that mean I am going to have to be bummed for the rest of my life?

Unless you learn how to be less shallow, yes. Being caught up with appearances rarely makes anyone happy in the end. There is more to life; you are more likely to find fulfillment if you learn how to look past surfaces to the real value and meaning of things.

If you're expecting things from a partner (level of attractiveness, level of intelligence/education, type of job, etc) that you yourself don't demonstrate, probably yes. Not definitely, just probably.

The no car is no biggie (lots of guys don't drive - my dad's blind, so never has; my boyfriend didn't have one when we met, so I picked him up for dates), the no job (unless you're actively looking one, as a full-time job or are in school full-time) is likely going to be an issue if the girls you are interested in have proper jobs.

I personally believe in the Matching Hypothesis (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matching_hypothesis) that people are usually attracted to someone of equal attractiveness level physically and personality-wise, people of a similar social status, etc.

It only takes a small amount of observation and it all becomes clear. Just look at most of your friends, and look at the people they have dated in the past - almost all will have very similar physical attractiveness levels, or if they don't will compensate for it in another way.

What I'm saying OP is, imho, in my opinion, seek out women who are your equal.

This isn't to say two attractive people together are 'better' or 'superior' - it's not about superiority or inferiority, it's about difference.

The good-looking, social and confident jock is a great match with the good-looking, social and confident cheerleader/popular girl, just as two laidback hippy types might have more compatibility, and just like two nerds/geeks might be drawn to each other.

I'm not saying to lower your standards or anything either, but to realistically think who the right person for you might be.

Think about what kind of women would be attracted to you, think about what kind of women would be good for you.

It's not always about what you want, but often more about what you get. And you should NEVER 'settle for less' and be happy to get anything, but think about who your equal is, seek them out and be happy once you've found them.

I apologize if I'm being too unclear or you have no idea what I'm saying, it's very hard for me to explain.

From my perspective, when I see an attractive male and female together as a couple in public, I don't think to myself "I wish I had a girlfriend that looking" moreso I think "She's not my type and he is clearly hers. They must work well together compatibility-wise and I must ignore/brush them off if I am to find the one I am compatible with."

A good way to think of it is to always mentally tell yourself: "They're not my type, they're not compatible with me, if they were, why would they be with someone else, and why wouldn't they end up with me? SO obviously they're not my type. I should find who my type is."

And any rejection faced to me is a sign of lack of compatibility.

If you find someone you're meant to work out with, you most certainly will (aside from circumstances unrelated to the relationship).

It doesn't bother me but Joe Jackson relates to you

Please keep in mind that people's bodies and sometimes their personalities are subject to change with time and circumstances. Let's say you were to marry an 'attractive' woman today, but in several years she is no longer 'attractive' in some way, would you divorce her? I've known girls who were beanpole skinny in their early twenties turn into 'great pumpkins' by their late twenties or thirties. The same could happen to you. Pursuing a particular type of person based on what other people think is not good practice. The important thing to remember is what YOU find attractive and matters most in a potential partner. Physical attraction is important, but looks fade, the soul is ultimately what will matter most.

I understand that looks fade over time, which is why I'm in a hurry. Pretty soon I'll be too old to be with young energetic girls, and I'm in my 20s. Finding at least one girl whom I can be attracted to not just personality wise, but looks wise, it's on my bucket list. And please don't just say "find a prostitute".

If I never got to date my ideal mate, I'll be pretty miserable. I know that sounds bad, but it seems to mean that much to me.

You have the option of making yourself just as attractive as your ideal date as a means of upping your odds -- you want a super fit, super stylish hottie, so you should work on being a super-fit, super-stylish hottie yourself.

And what if I can't because of my physical disability? I can't use it as an excuse all the time, but I feel it's having an effect on how I present myself.

I didn't mean to be so dramatic either. I just want this because most of my peers when I was in school seem to have desirable women in their lives.

I wish I could max my self-esteem though.

There are plenty of super-fit, super-hotties with physical disabilities out there. I dated a guy on the national Paralympic ski team a few years back and he was fiiiiiiiiine (most physically gorgeous man I've ever gone out with). Physical disability (unless it's, like, CP or MS or something that impedes movement) can't stop you from working out and getting buff.



How you present yourself is unrelated to how empirically fit or attractive you are -- regardless of disability. It's about making the best of what you've got. Flattering hairdo, clothes, etc (Goodwill has steals, you can get a great cut for cheap at a hairdressing school, etc).



And are your friends more or less as attractive on a physical basis as their gfs? If they mostly are (and the ones that aren't are likely smart/funny/charming or otherwise a blast to be around).

[/quote] I wish I could max my self-esteem though.[/quote]

Self-esteem comes from accomplishing stuff and can be achieved via non-romantic relationship means.