I sometimes feel clueless

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Through friends in common I met my boyfriend, who is an aspie. The day we met he asked me out in a very straightforward way and I kinda turned him down since I barely knew him. But after some time of hanging out as friends, I noticed I liked him and, then, I asked him out. From that on, we have had amazing dates: we talk for hours and laugh a lot.
Nevertheless, he sometimes doesn't want to hang out and tells me he needs some alone time. He also asked me to take the lead in the relationship but I find it frustrating when he says he can't hang out.
I once had a bad cold and he brought me medicines and stayed with me until I fell asleep. He even searched online about the medicines I could and couldn't take. But the next day he never answer a text where I told him how lucky I was to have him in my life. My heart says he is really into me, but I'm getting signals I don't understand. Any advice for me?

Aspies tend to need abit of alone time. It helps us decompress & destress. Interacting with others takes a lot out of us.

Thank you so much for answering. I will respect his need for alone time. I think I had not thought about how challenging it would be for him to interact with others.

Putting myself in your boyfriend's shoes:

The time alone is easier, and has already been dealt with. I live in my head a lot, and coming out of there to interact with others is exhausting. It's not a problem where I don't have anyone I enjoy interacting with, but when there is someone - as you are to your boyfriend - I can end up tiring myself out and being bad company. I've now learnt to steady myself better and, though I'm sometimes plain unavailable, when I am I can get on with enjoying their company. It seems your boyfriend is good with knowing when he needs alone time, and isn't afraid to say so - which, I think, shows trust.

As to the text - first, I wouldn't know what to say. There's polite acknowledgement - 'thank you' - but that may not be appropriate. There's also polite reciprocation, but that can seem a bit odd because I wouldn't be with someone I didn't consider myself lucky to have in my life, so it would be stating the obvious. I think such affectionate communication from Aspergians often comes in deliberate, practical actions, such as his bringing you medicines and staying with you, rather than words. Over time, I've learnt the importance of words, but it still takes a particular awareness, as my default is 'if I weren't interested in you, I wouldn't keep spending time with you'.

There's an idea that we should judge by actions rather than words. To me, it's easy to throw out pretty words. It takes effort to find and carry out ways that show I care about someone. Going by that, he seems a solid man, and you a thoughtful woman.

Good luck to you!

What you said was very revealing. I feel I will pay more attention to his actions and not so much to his text messages. I even think I'm actually lucky to have found such an honest guy (not a smooth stalker or a lier) who knows how to tell me that he needs his alone time.

^You're username is lovely! I, too, have Asperger's, and often need lots of alone time or time to work out what to say next/formulating my thoughts in how to respond. I agree that actions are often more important than words, as my signature indicates! For instance, when my special someone told me that she loved me, I wasn't sure how to respond at first, and I need to figure out what to say. My response was basically:

Thank you so much for telling me about your experience. You can't imagine how useful and meaningful it is for me to listen to your perspective. I feel much more encouraged now.

^You're welcome!