A weird marriage concept: Background check.

Post Reply New Topic

I have learned that Syrians (and it seems to be very common even in the cities) culturally have what they call background check before marrying:

The to-be-spouse himself/herself or their relatives would visit the neighborhoods where the partner was used to live/study (ie. college area, dorm area...etc), and would ask the neighbors/shop owners/janitors/whoever living there what they know about the person's morals, like if they ever saw him/her having drugs, being drunk, or suspecting him/her being promiscuous (It is a big deal for them) or displaying any suspicious activities/behaviors..etc.
It is done on both sides, groom and bride side, and it seems to be an important deciding factor for them.

What do you think about it? Is it justified?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 13 Apr 2016, 4:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I don't like it; I find it intrusive.

But I do see justification for it.

It is how people behaved before facebook.

It is no different than checking out someone else's Facebook for "incriminating" photos.

It's a good idea, since you never know when your spouse's past may come back to haunt you.

I come from a pre-facebook generation and yet I don't recall this practice....but I dunno, I am not much of the marriage culture though .

Was it a common practice in Scotland?

I would understand more... objective checks, like credit checks, criminal record etc. But asking the neighbours? That's basically gossip and highly unreliable.

^ It is, but usually there's no smoke without fire.

Reputation among people can hardly be seen in those records (at least, not everything can be seen there).

That's a potentially dangerous frame of mind in my view. I've seen plenty of slagging and spreading of vicious rumours done by groups of people (or family members) simply because they don't' like someone or hold a grudge against them. I might make a note of such things but would definitely try to verify them somehow. I doesn't make sense to me to distrust your future spouse and then blindly trust some random strangers, particularly when it comes to something so subjective and relative as "morals".

I'm not that familiar with Syrian culture, do they get to properly know their spouses and their family before marriage? I mean going into some depth, beyond appearances and people putting on their "best face".

That would be a good indication on how well someone gets along with others. I keep forgetting about it since it's not important to me at all

^ Well, in Damascus at least, pre-marriage dating, including premarital sex, isn't uncommon - remember, it had been a Marxist-Socialist society for too log, arranged/semi-arranged marriage isn't uncommon too either in some communities - but in all cases parents do seem to get very involved.
What is not common tho is cohabitation, and basically no matter how long you date someone, they will always show you their 'best face' until you live with them.

Then it's basically a lottery with or without the gossip since plenty of nasty people know how to make a good impression on their neighbours, colleagues etc.

If he/she living for long there, it's hard to hide the obvious flaws forever, no? Neighbors are usually important in Syrians' social life.

Perhaps also have both husband and wife swear their lifelong vows while on a polygraph too.

^ That's....not a bad idea.