Tell people I have AS?

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I hang out with some friends every now and then, they seem nice enough and down to earth. They frequently bring new people (friend of the friends) to meet us for dinner, or what ever.

I'm very self conscious that some people will thing I'm "creepy" since I don't interact right, or don't have the correct facial expression. Or misinterpreted as staring when I try to read body language, it can be kind of helpful.

Should I clue someone in that I have AS and I'm not some kind of psycho jerk? The friends are decent, and I don't know them closer to acquaintances .... and you know, [some of] us AS don't have a problem being honest and upfront with our issues, but will it freak out others.

I carry around with me that some years ago I heard someone thought I was odd/psycho/creepy and it's been emotionally damaging....

Would admitting it do more harm than good, or really help in some way?

~be well

Jared

I think it is probably is a bad idea to tell them. Some people are fine but others react badly. Telling close friends usually goes ok because they know you. Aquaintances not so much.

The people I've told where they reacted badly, they've reacted like I just got it three seconds before I told them and I was suddenly a brainless, gormless wretch in their eyes. It's because the people who react badly usually have some preconcieved notion about us Spectrumites.

NT here. I would not tell a casual group of friends, either. Besides, if they have been around you, they know something is up. If you're still being asked out to dinner, it probably doesn't matter what.

Where you have to tell: romantic relationships where you mean it to be anything more than a several month fling, or you even intend to be friends after the fling.

If you don't tell in that situation, women do things like go home to their mothers and say, "What is wrong with him???" and then they start to hate you.

If you want a longer term relationship, you need to start it with a friendship--like in this group, and then fess up in the first month or so.

My honest 2 cents.

1. "Come out" to those who know you best (who normally attend these social functions).

2. Let them deal with newcomers who find you "odd."

If they are your friends, in any sense, they will intervene with the new people if an issue comes up (NTs will be a better judge if something did happen). It also works better if Mr. A is offended by what you did but says nothing to you, your friend who saw it happen can better explain out of your sight about you having AS and that any offense was likely unintentional. Mr. A can then choose to not associate with you because he doesn't want to be around someone with AS or he can associate in the future knowing these "episodes" might happen. I find most people are more understanding once they know about your condition, but "coming out" whenever you meet someone new makes it "all about you" which can be socially awkward in and of itself.

Is there one in your acquaintances You want to know better then others? One you want to move into a friendship with? single one out and try to et to know that one better After making the jump from to acquaintance to friend then maybe sit the one down and open up. This way your not opening a can of worms. That is how I think and how I plan to let people know.

Or you can bring a 3rd party someone you trust and know about your Aspieness, have them watch you and them and tell you if they are worth your time or not.

But its all up to you.

One thing I would do is have a third party evaluate the person to whom you want to get closer.

My aspie friend gets used and abused by women ALL the time because he can't read things like, "She's flirting with you in front of your current girlfriend/keeps you around as a hanger on/is really mean about your autistic tendencies"...

and then that's the girl he ruins his life for....

Get someone to "read" the person for you, because you may not be able to read them well enough to know if they are o.k.

I made the mistake of telling a casual group of friends, about my AS, at the factory that I worked at, a long time ago. They treated me like crap, afterwords. I don't recommend that you tell them.