is it normal to feel like this?

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hey guys

hope you are all ok. x

got a slight issue with myself atm, wasnt sure where to post this so sorry if its in the wrong place.

my sister gave brith to my beautifual newphew a year ago, the same week i came out of the pysch hospital. ( always the way- i can never compete lol)

he is amazing and i love him alot <3 however i am having alot of negative feelings towareds both him and my sister at the moment .

my sister is beautiful , clever , kind and has a loving boyfriend and tons of friends .

And i love her but i hate her too because i have always felt overshadowed by her. ( stupid at my age i know)

while she blosemed into a beautiful women , i battled anorexia and bulimia.

whilw she flouished at school and made many friends i spent all my time in the "spcial needs room"

she is getting married soon and i have spent the last few monthes stupidly mourning my ex girl friend who f****d off and left me for her c**t of an ex who spends all day smoking weed.

think you get the picture lol...but the feelings have intenified since my newphew was born.

he has made my parents so happy, happier than i have ever seen them. mum dosent look so tierd anymore and my dad has his since of houmour back

im glad about that i really am, and i dont want to sound lile a spolied brat as im truly graefual for what i have.....but so pissed offf and angry that I Cant make them that happy.

My whole life has just been one thing after another all i do is let them down . i will never be able to give them a grandchild cos i have PCOS ( had a miscarrige very early on in my pregnacy - 3 or so weeks in- in 2010- but never told them , didint see the point . )

And it makes me so so angry because i try , i try so f*****g hard to be what and who they want me to be but i just cant.

went to see mum this weekend and all we did was fight about my godarmed theapy .

f**k!! !

how do i tell my prents how i feel without hurting thier feelings?

is is stupid to feel joulues of a baby at 23??

love y'all
rox <3

Quite normal, in my experience.

Part of what you are feeling is normal. When a new baby comes along, it's easy to get jealous. The baby and the mom are the center of attention, and it's like no one else exists.

It's extra hard when you see the first grandchild arrive. I've heard lots of new parents say themselves that they are jealous of how their parents are treating the new grandchild. I think it's easy for grandparents to be overjoyed, because they get all the fun of having a new baby around, with very little of the work.

That said, their reaction makes everyone else feel like you do. But no one will talk about it bc they don't want to imply they are unhappy the new baby is here. Big events like this make everyone start reflecting back on their lives and comparing themselves to others.

A lot of what you are feeling, though, is pain from comparing yourself to others. I have always struggled with that, too. It's a losing battle bc there's always somebody better than you out there somewhere. Meanwhile, you don't even know that some people look at you and wish they could be like you. You might not believe that, but I guarantee you it is true.

Where does all that comparing get you? For me, it always made me feel like crap. I just never measured up. Did it bring me any closer to becoming all those things I wanted to be?

Make a list of all the things you want to be. Then pick one of them and think of every way you can move towards that goal.

Example: you want to have friends. The only way to make friends is to start trying. Take a social skills class if you think it would help. Commit to small actions intended to increase your chances of making a friend. This can be simple, like "I'm going to walk my dog every morning around the time I see other people walking their dogs every day. As I pass them, I am going to try to say hello." or more involved, like, "I'm going to take a karate class because I always wanted to learn and I know I will get chances to meet people."

The whole world wants to tell you you cannot have the things you desire because you are different. That is just not true. You might have to try harder and be more deliberate about it, but you will get there. Pick one goal, and become hell-bent on making it happen.

I totally understand, my sister is perfect. She´s married with two kids, has a great house, job and is good with money and she can stick to a diet and loose weight. While I am overweight, got diagnosed with diabetes a few months ago. I hate being around people and I manage to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I have a lot of special interests, one being death especially celebrity deaths, not something you should talk about at parties or family affairs, but I can´t help myself. It took awhile for me to realize that her way of life wouldn´t work for me. I would be a terrible wife and mother because I put my special interests and need first. I am getting a dog soon and that suits me and my lifestyle perfectly.