Development of Conversation - I feel like i'm an actor

Post Reply New Topic

One way to describe how I feel when talking is that i'm throwing darts at a dartboard while in a pitchdark room. I sometimes feel like I just throw a bunch of information out there and see what sticks. I have no idea the response i'm going to get, I feel everytime I have social interaction with my roommates or close friends that I have NO IDEA what response is going to come after I say what I say. What I mean is, the direction of the conversation. Sometimes I dont get a response and have NO IDEA how to react, this happens often.


The way I develop conversations is by asking questions. By being good at asking questions its very easy for me to direct and develop a conversation. Because of this its way easier to talk to people i've just met rather than close friends. The questions I ask in conversation with close friends is usually about sports because I've already used up all the other questions in previous conversations. This is a major problem when it comes to people around my own age who dont do things/have interests that I can ask questions about such as world news, basically grown up stuff even though I dont really feel like an adult and i'm 29 lol.


Does anyone else feel this way when it comes to talking? I consciously try to control my tone of voice to make what im saying sound more interesting. Its insane that I have to consciously put this much effort into conversations and still suck at it. People seem to like me though and I have no idea why as i dont really know what to say when it comes to compliments nor do they really register. I say people like me but a lot of my friends also sneak diss which is talking behind my back, i've learned to never let a person talking s**t get to me because I value their friendship more than my pride being hurt because i've lost so many friends in the past for reasons I have no idea why..

Because of losing friends in the past, mainly by socially isolating myself which makes them say screw this guy i didnt like hanging out with him anyway.. Because of this, I give the wrong first impression a LOT of times. What I mean by this is that I'm OVERLY nice, Its excessive to the point where the people dont really respect me. Its hard to explain, I just dont know how to act man, I walk away from conversations and beat myself up for not being myself. I feel like i'm an actor when it comes to social interaction.

All social interaction is to me is exchanging of information.

Remember when PeeWee Herman would fall off his bike and said, "I meant to do that?"
This revisionism is the basis of NeuroTypical coping with social situations.
The supplemental aspect is to blame the other participants (to a lesser or greater degree of conscious awareness of the blame).

This is not cynicism, it's not guess work, it's what they do. Watch them and you'll see it, they rationalize using years of experience of acquiring "logical reasons" lists and we never suspect they're lying because we take almost everything at 'face-value.'

To be fair NTs do this so much they don't even realize they're using Self Deception (<wiki link) meaning they really believe they're right.


(Self Deception can produce incredible confidence!)

Then you (we) are screwed. NT social interaction is communication, which many times is not exchanging of information.


...or at least not interesting, useful, or quality information. (e.g. Hot enough for ya!! !)