Do You Ever Feel Like This?

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I once read an Ann Landers or Dear Abby column where the person wrote in, explaining that he felt more alone in social situations, such as parties, than he did when he was, actually, alone. He said he felt like he was standing in a glass case, while everyone else was wandering around freely, socializing.

I couldn't believe that someone was verbalizing my own feelings of shyness. I would have explained it like this: I have invisible glass walls around me. When I'm the most uncomfortable, they are very close, almost suffocating me. They're also thicker when I'm not comfortable around someone, so that I can almost not make myself heard. I may feel like I'm practically screaming, yet they're not picking up on much. At the same time, I'm trying desperately to cover up the fact that something is wrong (Maybe that accounts for my "deer in the headlights" look), that the walls are even there, since they're invisible to other people. They eventually give me the look -- What's wrong with her? -- and move on to find someone more normal. The walls are always there, but they widen and thin the more comfortable I am around someone, like my husband and kids. (Please understand, I realize these are not literal walls. This is just my way of explaining my feelings.)

Over the years, I've felt less and less like this, as I've put myself in more social situations. I'm not as anxious, but I still feel the sting when I see the look on their faces that says I'm not getting it right AGAIN. Every time I take the Aspie quiz, I get the results that I am both NT and Aspie. I think I'm NT enough to KNOW what's going on (like being able to read people's expressions), but too Aspie to know how to change myself.

I definitely feel the bit about feeling even more alone at parties. Even when I am really drunk I still don't quite socialize correctly and hide in a corner. The strange thing is I usually get comments about how I suddenly became more social at the party the morning after I wake up if I blacked out the night before, but that doesn't make me feel any better because I didn't remember it seeing as I blacked out.

I came up as pretty aspie on the Aspie quiz but I can identify with being just NT enough to realize that something is wrong but being too AS to know what to do about it.

Yep...I'm only alone when I'm around people.

I can't think of a combination of words to accurately describe the "feeling" other than: air induced suffocation. It's torture beyond simple physical pain, simple anxiety...it's indefinable.

Same thing here. After the last time I felt this way at a party, I decided that i will never go to a party again if I can help it - I have a much better time in my room alone than in aparty, and it doesn't help with social interactions or anything else.

I never thought of it like that, but yes that is a perfect way to describe how I feel.

I will agree with you.
Now and then, we come across something that describes us perfectly.

When I'm around people, I'm afraid to talk because I'll probably just alienate them.

Sometimes i feel like this but other times i can just relax a bit and feel like i'm really part of it.

When I'm around people, I just don't talk to anyone. When someone says "hi" to me, I say "hi" back, but there the conversation stops. I don't talk to anyone because I feel I might say the wrong thing, and end up looking like an idiot.

It is when I become close to people that my problems start. It is when I see that I cannot have that the real issues start with me. It is sad, but true, that I am at my most stable when I am only aquaintances with people.