Is this patronising cos I'm aspie or short or something else

Post Reply New Topic

People patronise me all the time.

I do look about 15 but I tell people my age and they keep doing it.

Even when I report on successes in my life. I can tell someone I've been internationally published and it's 'you're a clever little sausage aren't you sweetie'.

Is this cos I look young or cos I'm aspie or something else?

It makes me feel really awkward and a bit cross. Is there something I can say to them to stop them doing that and make them actually take me seriously?

I don't mind if it's elderly people but if you're in a 10 year time frame of me, I'd rather interact as equals. I'm 30 so if you're under 40, don't patronise me.

Does anyone else on here get this? Do you also look young?

We don't know what you look like, so answering your question would be speculative.

It's not men but I mostly socialise with men and it's women and I'm openly bi/mostly gay so it could still be an attempt at flirting.

I'm very butch, 4"11, no visible wrinkles, visible acne, wear tracksuits more than suits. I don't do the whole masking thing as it made me unwell.

I'm not saying I look 15 in a good way. I look like an androgynous little kid.

I refuse to change my gender presentation but I should probably get my hair cut more often and wear suits. I just find them uncomfortable.

I'm telling women I did something successful and they're patronising me.

With men, it's like they're ancient so I feel like they do it to make themselves feel less bad about being so past it. I mean like guys in their 80s. I let that slide. They probably do it to everyone.

Actually that woman does it to an extent to everyone, she just amps it up with me. Everyone is a darling or a sweetie.

Maybe I'll tell them it really offends me, but won't that just make me look weak?

I wouldn't mind but it's all the time. I ignore it with strangers as I genuinely look like a child but I've known this woman for months now and she won't let it pass.

Should I wait til she says it again til I do that? Even bringing it up feels a bit 'hissy fit'.

Causation versus correlation

Good idea.

Apparently she does it to everyone but it just feels like everyone does it to me.

You can't access someone else's subconscious, so you don't know if they are condescending because you are short or autistic



Plenty of shorter people were condescending to me



You don't have to tell them about your publication

If I don't then she thinks I do literally nothing with my life except get rejected.

I used to think old ladies were condescending when they called me dear, or sweetie.

But you know what? I'm an old lady now myself. Frequently I can't remember a person's name and I call them sweetie or hon. It doesn't mean ANYTHING except my memory's none too good!

(And I wince after I hear myself say it.... I don't like saying it ... it's just that I can't seem to do any better.)

So maybe the best thing to do is cut them some slack.

How old are you though? (I feel rude asking a lady that, of course it's your prerogative whether to answer or think I'm some rude young upstart)

I hear online it's unusual but I've been taught heavily to respect my elders, so anyone over 60 gets my respect and has to work at losing it. I would cut someone over 60 slack for forgetting something as trivial as a youngster's name, especially if they were to call the youngster sweetie rather than child.

She isn't even 40 so she's being rude. She should be my social equal. She's treating me as inferior despite knowing my age and in a manner which seems to pertain to age which is something I have hang-ups about. Yes she's older than me but she's 35. And we're not children. That's an irrelevant age gap at our age. And at our age people shouldn't have memory problems for people they see regularly.

That's why I gave the old guy in the pub the respect he deserved when he kept calling me wain (child). He's about 85. He has every right to call everyone in there who isn't old wain or child or, frankly, whatever he wants. When he found out I was 30 he kept doing it, not because I look young but because quite frankly, that's 55 years younger than him. That's a child as far as he's concerned and he'd do it to anyone my age. He even said 'I have grand children your age'. It's the same age as my granddad, too.

Although I do wish he'd actually shared his wisdom with me. That is a social norm for the old folk to do, makes us respect them more.

Some millennial women seem to use baby talk for whatever reason with everyone they see. I find it rude and it makes me second guess if they think I'm a child.