I'm worried my friend might feel hurt

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I've got a good friend at work, he's a middle-aged man and we get on great. He's getting married in a few weeks and has invited me and my boyfriend to the reception, which we will be attending.
But me and my boyfriend are supposed to be getting married in a couple of months, and being so we can't afford to have much, we're only going to sign the papers and that's it, just so we can be officially married, and maybe sort out a celebration later on in the year.
But yesterday, after having a couple of beers, my boyfriend saw my friend and told him and his daughter that they're both invited to our wedding (the day we sign the papers). I don't know why he said that but sometimes he goes all optimistic when he's had some beers and makes rash but empty promises.

So the next day my friend came up to me and said that my boyfriend told him different to what I'd been telling everyone (I'd been telling everyone that we are not having a celebration or reception on the wedding day because we can't afford it). I tried to explain that my boyfriend made a mistake, and that the truth is that we are not having a celebration, but he said again, "that's not what your boyfriend told me".

I'm just worried in case he might think that we are having a celebration but that I kept it quiet because I didn't want to invite him or something. He's quite a sensitive guy. I don't quite know how to explain to him the truth without it sounding like a lie.
I hope I explained my post clearly.

Last edited by Joe90 on 26 Feb 2020, 2:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You need to have a serious discussion with your boyfriend about what you want and about respecting your wishes. He shouldn't be ignoring your wishes and taking for granted that his wishes have priority.

We had both already discussed and planned to have a "cheap wedding" (signing the papers without having a reception or anything), and my boyfriend agreed to it, because of our small budget, so it's not like he has other ideas or wishes.

Yet he invited others without first consulting you. The root of your situation is his lack of respect for you. You need to talk with him. Then talk with the people he invited and explain the situation.

Yes well I don't know what he's invited my friends to though, because no reception is planned. But when he's had a few beers he lives in this fantasy world where money grows on trees. I will speak to him after I finish work when he's not drunk and has sense.

But at the moment I feel in an awkward situation. There's no clear proof that my friend is hurt, but he might be, if you know what I mean. From his perspective he's gone to the trouble of inviting us to his wedding reception, and I've told him that we are not having a wedding reception but my boyfriend tells him something different, so he's likely to think that there's a secret or something somewhere.

If we had the money I'd invite everyone, but we don't have the money because my boyfriend recently lost his job. But we still want to get married.

I agree with Fnord that this is an example of disrespect, however I’m taking a slightly different tack: if he loses all sight of reality and invites people to events that you’ve previously agreed aren’t happening...
Then drinking enough to get in that frame of mind is disrespecting both you and the third party.

How much is a few?
Does he need to sort himself out?

Well he only had about 4 beers. He doesn't drink alcohol all the time. I've spoken to him now and told him what my friend told me, and he just said to tell him that we will invite them if we have a celebration later on in the year if or when we get our money sorted.

But I'm still hoping that my friend won't go thinking that I'm lying just to exclude him or something. I will have a chat with him tomorrow, but it's knowing when to bring it up. I believe it might sound less like a lie if I bring it up in a conversation related to weddings, rather than just randomly going up to him and saying.

Ah: that’s good.
I rarely drink too, one has been enough to make me drowsy for almost a decade now.

We hired a table at pizza express, and everyone apart from us paid for it. Then we went to my aunts house (biggest garden).
If that info is of any help to sort it out.

You should definitely poke him though

I was going to text my friend and explain to him, but I don't often text him much and I didn't know how to word it without sounding odd. I think I'm overanalyzing it but it's just the way I am. I'm just born to be good and kind to everyone.

I know what you mean: how to word something to be clear, and not hurt them at the same time... I’ve spent hours on messages and days on letters before now.

You should tell him in person, rather than with a text.

Tell him that you will have a reception when finances permit.

Good point there:
Text messages only work for small trifles,
letters for major life issues where the other person will need to digest the info in private...
anything in between face to face verbal is usually the best policy, however difficult the encounter is.

A good friend understands people in financial distress, and doesn’t judge people because they are having financial troubles.