Do you feel that if befriending an NT, you down-dumb?

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deep-techno
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13 Aug 2007, 11:46 am

I do often feel that by making friends with a neurotypical causes me to down-dumb slightly from my formal and concise Asperger attitude. I also feel that, although having NT friends is nice, it is rather irritating when they always meet you, and banter to each other about absolutely nothing. (NTs not Aspies)

I often feel that I am a very different person around NTs and since I made a couple of NT friends that I have slightly lost the 'Better to be hated for the person you are rather than to be loved for the person you are not' attitude. But that is a strong attitude I want to maintain and often I don't feel like socialising with anyone at times. Often I say to them politely, "I just need a bit of time on my own" but I feel that they may become angry or irritated when I keep saying it.

This is why I prefer to be quiet, although some people think it is rude to ignore them if they are being friendly. This is what I get when my two friends sit next to me in a classroom and chatter, when I just do the work. Sometimes I prefer being on my own.


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alexbeetle
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13 Aug 2007, 12:18 pm

I always dumb-down when dealing with NTs at work as well as socially because I can't play the heirarchy/ego game so it is easier to deliberately put myself low so they don't feel challenged. This makes problems though when I am not taken seriously, given credit for my work, included in decisions, so I need to watch I don't do it too much.


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JerryHatake
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13 Aug 2007, 1:53 pm

I have friends who are NT and I act like myself when I'm around them not dumb-down.


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sandra3
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13 Aug 2007, 2:34 pm

im myself when im around them because i feel comfortable enough around them not to be afraid.



jfberge
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13 Aug 2007, 2:58 pm

I don't "dumb down," but I do have to stick to protocol. Most people don't want to talk about science and truth, but about other people, and even that discussion is limited in scope. The conversation is often formulaic and redundant. Sometimes an interesting topic will spring up, but it's rare.

I think that people in general dumb down when in a group setting so as not to alienate slower people in the group. Everyone plays to the least common denominator. It reminds me of when you talk to the elderly. You know that a lot of topics will just confuse and aggravate them, so you stick with the familiar and universal.



Nan
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13 Aug 2007, 3:01 pm

Depends on the NT.



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15 Aug 2007, 12:51 pm

Why would anyone ever attempt to deal with these sheeple unless mandated by law or essential for work? They disgust me and I avoid them at every opportunity.

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0_equals_true
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15 Aug 2007, 1:38 pm

Most of the time I can't be arsed to dumb down, it is such as conscious effort I can't concentrate. Thought I have learnt to hold back a little. It does depend whether I'm in the mood to conform.



woodsman25
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15 Aug 2007, 4:50 pm

ahhh... usually i try to be myself, but do so with a filter, i can fit in very well these days, i have got down their behavior pretty well, and am fortunate to be so mild as i got older that i pass for an NT, but i dont dumb down, usually im the smartest in the group, it can be good, but since i lack common sence ppl get confused and wonder just how smart i am.


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juliekitty
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15 Aug 2007, 7:45 pm

Anybody I can't be myself around is not my friend.

Therefore, my friends all at least have aspie traits.



bobert
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15 Aug 2007, 8:29 pm

I grew up in an NT world and have always let a double life. Even in grade school I would read "Time" magazine from cover to cover. I find that the average person, just doesn't want to let facts get in the way of a good opinion. I have a certain need for social interaction so I tend to tailor my conversation to fit the person I'm talking to. Since most of my ways of looking at the world are very different than the "norm" I really only have a few people I can be totally candid with.



techstepgenr8tion
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15 Aug 2007, 9:24 pm

I feel like it helps round me out better. That and a lot of the NT friends I do have, they're very intelligent and at the same time VERY NT and will talk straight street-slang and almost break English more into an artform of that sort than we would. I think a lot of the simplicity that NTs of that calibre use in their language and how they talk as well is extremely good at conveying deep and abstract thoughts, sometimes much better than talking like this because their words have more punch and focus.

If anything I tend to feel when I'm around the better part of the NT crowd (ie. the people who are extroverts but real on point as well as flashy) that all three of these things are improving: my social intellect, my ability to really understand other peoples emotions, my street and world wisdom, and the funny thing is I've for some reason never had trouble really connecting with these sorts of people - I almost draw them to a degree and I think its just because they have a rare enough spark that they've gotten quick at identifying who else seems to 'get it'. Sure, it doesn't help my nonverbal communication or open all kinds of doors in the dating world but it at least keeps me in the know, keeps me talking to people I can really emotionally connect with on a really good level, and those moments help me feel like I'm not living my life in vain.



gsilver
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31 Aug 2007, 12:03 am

NTs can feel frustration about having to dumb down their communication too (one of the best friends I've ever had is in this category). Especially in places in love with dumb (like America)

It's more of a "people" thing than an AS thing.



Pugly
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31 Aug 2007, 12:16 am

JerryHatake wrote:
I have friends who are NT and I act like myself when I'm around them not dumb-down.


Same, I don't think any of my friends are AS.

I don't think any of my friends suspect anything strange about me either... well a little bit... but they don't have a problem with the way I normally act.


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TrueDave
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01 Sep 2007, 7:22 am

Since I'm the minority and people are talking about things I don't know about I usually end up feeling dumb.



bjmax31
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02 Sep 2007, 9:49 am

On the contrary for me

I actually feel inferior and stupid when i'm around NT's