Thread for women who are made fun of or ignored by men

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Im glad you posted this. This has been an ongoing issue in my life. Interestingly, I always wondered what it would be like to just walk outside and have men whistle from cars. I always said I was dogcalled more than catcalled. Women would share their experiences of men saying flirtatious things to them and I realized I dont really have those stories. Also, I sadly feel they would be surprised if I did since Im not traditionally pretty.

Being ignored or called ugly by strangers has its own hurt I think many people arent aware of or just laugh off. It still hurts. A lot.

I suspect the reason I don’t draw any sort of indication of interest in person, ever in my life (I’m 28), is because it’s too obvious even at a glance that I have some sort of developmental/mental disability, which puts me off the table for most people. I don’t even know what gives it away, so I can’t even try to change that, because I don’t know what I’m doing “wrong.” I know it’s obvious because right off the bat, people usually treat me “differently” in some fashion.

But it’s for the better for me, since I don’t even know that I’m capable of feeling romantic love. And I really hate upsetting anyone in any way so would have a very hard time saying no to people. I’m aromantic and asexual, but it’s not like I wear a shirt stating so in huge letters or anything. It does make me feel somewhat “lesser,” and is one of the many things that makes me feel “other,” even downright alien.

So I stim, which I think is a huge turn-off. But I suppose it saves me from harassment.

Until I met my now boyfriend, who said, "I think it's cute when you chew your tongue"
... and I was like OMG you are perfect!!

Yuck being chastised / bullied. Studies indicate that different cultures have different standards for beauty and attractiveness. Unfortunately many support your experience: feminine is considered more attractive (even for men in some European countries). I am surprised by the (b) Averageness section in the study below. Sadly (and to my surprise), I (a white female) also have that bias based on that fact that looking at the pictures in that section, I find the most average picture to be more "attractive". Perhaps I find it soothing? It is exhilarating and overwhelming for me to look at peoples faces in crowds: all the different shapes and features. I am sensory seeking so love the variety, but it is overwhelming. Perhaps an "average" picture is soothing and hence hits the "attractiveness" neural network. I'd like to think I'd treat all three (fictional) women the same in any case. I didn't read through the whole study, conclusion nor discussion, so maybe there's something in there about it. Here's hoping for a more inclusive, kinder culture in general.

One random study I readily find: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3130383/

In response to the original post I believe that any woman can be harassed by men, just because you're not favoured by men in the country/area you currently live doesn't mean they won't still attack you with vulgar rubbish that they usually do in another.

Go to another country on a holiday or something, if you went to say, Pakistan (from my experience) or similar countries you usually get absolutely hounded by these annoying men. You can look like a shoe and men will still try to hound you, it's all just about where you are and where you're from with what I've found tbh.

With my own experience I literally cannot leave the house without some kind of disgusting remark from a man or odd uncomfortable staring so I've never experienced the latter but I have seen it with others and they still get harassed so no woman can totally escape it.

I'm a woman and I don't get harassed on a daily basis and it's only happened to me when I wore a crop top and short shorts while I was out running and when I was pregnant and I wear wear long shorts and a long t shirt. I consider myself lucky and too bad if this makes women bitter they tell me "f**k you." This does not even say "rapists' are born from what women wear." This is me talking about my experience when I have faced harassment from random men. I am even surprised that none of the women accused me of saying rapists are born from women getting pregnant.

I suppose if I wanted to be a victim I could throw in my childhood when a 21 year old guy told me at the age of 13 at a Wal Mart I have a small ass or a boy in my class who like to poke at my underwear and tugging at the top of my pants at age 14. Was I traumatized by these events, was I scared and did I feel unsafe? No. Also when I was 7, there were these boys grabbing my butt on the school playground. But these are the kinds of things I read in a "me too" movement where women will talk about how they were sexually assaulted by another kid at the age of 6. And I had on long pants and long shirts when these events took place.

And oh lord, I sexually abused my brother when I was six.

Should kids be taught appropriate behavior and touch, yes. Should adults stop using the "boys will be boys" whenever they touch girls inappropriately? Yes.

the phrase " boys will be boys" as an excuse for bad behaviour , is infuriating .

I've been made fun of and ignored by women, more than men.