Stan petitioned the court to be Lars's sole custodian because he doesn't trust me to give LArs as a good a life as he would give him, and let him see him, but he expects me to bl;indly trust him to have him and let him see me.
He sued me! I just got notification that I've been sued. Because after I broke up with him I guess he was scared I would take our son Lars and run off with him.
He used my post about wanting to (but not planning to) shoot up schools against me (the cops came to my door and took me away, I was in a psych ward for a few days and then I was released because I was deemed not a threat), and my psychiatric record from the Harris County Psychiatric Center. He quoted the part where I said "I have it all planned out." By saying I had it all planned out, I didn't mean that I was planning to do it, but that I had it planned out how I would have done it if I had chosen to do it.
He also either thought or lied about the fact that I left to go to Canada to end our relationship. I hadn't. We had spent a loving day together and promised each other we wouldn't break up with each other, and he even brought that fact up with me once when I was bringing up issues with him. HE sasid, "Did our loving day together mean nothing to you?" Maybe he changed his mind about my motives since then and thought I hadn't meant it when I'd been loving to him and promised not to break up with him, but I don't know. When I told him that he said he could not tell me why he wrote in the petition that I had left with the intention of ending the relatiohship. But I got the impression that it wasn't that he didn't know; he said he just couldn't tell me.
He claimed I left Houston with the intention of breaking up with him, and cleaims it was because we weren't together at the time he petitioned the court because I left him, when as a matter of fact we were together, or at least I hadn't broken up with him and he hadn't said he was breaking up with me. We had agreed to get back together after I had said I was breaking up with him before (but after I left Houston). I was questioning him about issues in the past that I had had with him and asking him to understand them and not do those things again and say he wouldn't. I was angry at him for not recognizing what he had done wrong and apolgizing for it, and I yelled at him once, and he took that as me breaking up with him. We clearly do not have the same definition of breaking up, and we don't have the same definition of breaking up as the court does. He doesn't appear to even know the difference between his definition of breaking up and the court's definition.
He also wants me to pay him child support-- not now, but later. [Edit: he said that he had to ask the attorney about the paragraphs that said that; he says the paragraphs actually said that he could ask for child support but wasn't going to.] He wants me to never have access to Lars except on supervised visits, I think until my mental issues are resolved with a shrink, but they were resolved with a shrink. I have to go to court in Houston on April 7.
He said in the petition to the court that I have a history of schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, which is not true; it's just schizoaffective disorder. I was not actually diagnosed with schizophrenia; he told the people at one hospital that I had schizoaffective disorder and they mistakenly wrote down that I had schizophrenia. Edit: Stan told me that he believed I had schizophrenia because the psych team at the hospital asked me the diagnostic questions and that they still wrote down that I had schizophrenia after, which they had; I saw. Stan also told me that the diagnostic criteria said that I didn't have to have hallucinations to be schizophrenic, and that I had the symptoms described in the diagnostic criteria, and he told me to read the diagnostic criteria. He also told me that schizophrenia wsn't as bad as schizoaffective disorder because with schizoaffective disorder you also have a mood disorder. So maybe by his definition I do have schizophrenia, so maybe he didn't mean to lie.
He says his lawyer knows the judge. That's illegal. He salso said his lawyer told him that the judge was a good one (probably meaning for him).
He also said my bipolarness and schizoidness put my son at risk of physical harm. That's not true. I never hurt him, and I would never. He even told me not to tell the doctors that I felt like hurting my child because it's not true; what I really felt like doing was sometimes waiting a little longer to feed him and he said that was fine. He left me alone in the house with Lars when he went out. He said I was a good mother. And he sent me a picture of my son just today! Stan isn't stable.
Furthermore, he has a restraining order against me.
He also said that I said that I wished Lars had never been born, and I hadn't EVER said that at all.
He filed the petition on March 10.
Yes, once when I had broken up with Stan I said that I was planning with my mother to take Lars and go to Nova Scotia without Stan. The truth is that I wanted Stan in his son's life, and me and my mother planned to go to Nova Scotia, but we were going to get a lawyer so that I could have joint custody of Lars with him instead of him having full custody. I hadn't told Stan that because I forgot to tell him, and I should have told him. Also, I said that yes we had been planning to take Lars without Stan's permission, but I wasn't thinking clearly. Also, why didn't he just sue my mother if he was afraid of her kidapping Lars? And if he was scared of me kidnapping Lars but not physically harming him, why did he say the things about me being a danger to him and prone to physically harming him?
Yes, I did try to run away from him twice, but I still wanted to remain in contact with him and Lars and still be in a relationship with him, but from a distance... I wanted to do things with my life and be in a relationship with him at the same time. And I did plan to go back eventually, though I didn't know when.
Also, he said I left Lars for a day without responding to his cries. The truth was, I left him to Stan to take care of because I was feeling so low I couldn't get up. He said I had no motivation to pay attention to Lars, but that was only because Iw as on Risperdal, which made me tired, and then the doctor gave me Abilify to counteract the tiredness, and it did, and then they took me off the Risperdal, and I was still fine.
It's true that I had disordered thinking where I came up to Canada; I forgot that Lars would be much happier having both his parents with him at the same time than with just one parent. But now Stan wants to be the only one with him, so he's not thinking about Lars either.
Edit: He just wants a temporary restraining order and for me not to have access to Lars until my mental condition is fixed... but he should have said "until I know for certain that her condition is fixed", because he didn't know for certain that my condition needed to be fixed. He probably thought I would hurt my son because I had talked about hurting other people, but I would never hurt my own son. I had meant that I wanted to hurt people outside the autism community, and him being my son whom I planned to raise in the autism community whether he was autistic or not, I did not want to hurt him. And I was getting proper medical help in Canada for my mental condition. I am now. They let me out of the hospital because they believed that I was safe enough to be an outpatient. So I should be able to see my son now. Anyway, I wouldn't hurt my son. True, if I hurt other people I would be in jail and not able to look after my son, but they should allow people to have their children in jail, with all the child's needs met of course.
He said in the petition that I wanted to raise our son to be autistic. What I had meant was to raise him in the autistic community, to which Stan and I both belong. I love my son too much to force him into anything or keep him away from things he loves outside the autistic community; I hadn't meant I would do that. That is someone I would never do to someone in the autistic community because I love them too much. The outside of the autistic community is an important part of the autistic community. But my son is a part of the autism community simply by being our son.
Also, I probably won't be able to make it to court because I don't have a passport to get down to the US from up here in Canada. The court date is April 7, and I definitely will not have a passport by then even if I apply for it right now. And if I don't make it to court, they may make a default judgement against me. Edit: you don't need a passport yet to get into the US! So I can go!
He said I was an illegal alien, but he is the one that sneaked me down there. He will have to lie about sneaking me over the border himself. Also, he didn't report me all the time I was with him and I had been down there for longer than the allowed 6 months, and he hadn't taken me back. He will get in trouble for not either reporting me or taking me back to Canada.
He said that I wouldn't be able to support Lars, and that's not true. I could have applied for the $350 for a dependent child that Lars, a dual citizen of Canada and the United States, is entitled to. Even if that wasn't the case, I could have asked HIM for child support and been fine. After all, he asked me for child support. HE said I would not be able to support Lars because I'd never kept a job for more than 4 days, yet he told me that he believed I could do it if I really tried. Is it that he didn't think I would be motivated even with Lars, or did he just think I couldn't do it despite what he said? Probably the former, as he said he never lied to me. Stan also said that I had never kept a job for longer than 2 days, when it was actually 4 days.
He said that I left for Canada with the intention of ending the relationship. That is not true. We promised each other the day I left that we would not break up with each other. We spent a nice, loving day together. He told me that if I wanted to return in a week or more he would make that happen. I said I wanted to end the relationship a few times after we got back to Canada, but then I got back with him, and I had never meant to break up in the first place; I just said I wanted to, impulsively. And after I had been in Canada for a while I told him he and Lars should come up to where I planned to live in PEI and live with me.
He should have taken his problems with me up with me instead of going to a judge. I would have answered his questions. And I'm sorry for all the times I posted on WrongPlanet about him with assumptions of what he had done and why he had done it, instead of taking it up with him first and asking him questions.
Edit: He said this was just to make me not run off with Lars. He put my psychiatric history in there because he believes it is making me want to run off with Lars. But I don't want to run off with Lars (his definition of abduction is me taking Lars somewhere without his consent, but him staying down there with Lars without my consent is mysteriously not abduction so Stan is trying to put things in his favor by lying about me saying I'm a physical danger to Lars thus libeling and slandering me for his own selfish reasons); I want Lars to have not just me but Stan with him at the same time. I could abduct him without harming him and that would still be a crime they would take seriously, so why did he need to put things in there about me harming Lars and lie about some things? Anyway, now I want the three of us to be together, so I won't abduct him. So why didn't he just tell me that Lars would be happier with both parents with him all the time than with one parent even if the one parent was constantly stimulating him and loving him? That prevents abduction more than a court order does. Also, I had never said that I would abduct Lars, and so I think he was concerned that I would get a lawyer and get Lars. He either automatically thought he would be the better one for Lars, not trusting me or anyone else who might help me with LArs, or he just wanted Lars all to himself for selfish reasons either knowing or not knowing that that wasn't the best thing for Lars. He knew that I had about as much legal right to keep Lars there without my consent as I had to bring him elsewhere without his consent, so he got a lawyer to become Lars's sole conservator before I could get one to remain one of Lars's conservators and take him places without Stan-- Stan is selfish, wanting Lars all to himself for his own selfish reasons, or wanting conservatorship of Lars all to himself thinking that he can have him and me that way, thinking that if he can have conservatorship of Lars all to himself at least that makes himself happy and healthy (even though it does something bad to me, his main priorioty is himself). Edit: the turth is actually that either he assumes he can provide more for Lars (and he's assuming falsely) or he wants Lars with him all the time (not necessarily all to himself) if he thinks he can provide more for Lars (including letting lots of people besides just him and pay attention to him and love him [but in his presence while he's paying attention to Lars as well] to stimulate him) than I would provide, or he knows he can't provide as much of that for Lars as I can but he doesn't care because as long as he has Lars his own health and happiness are intact. I would provide more stimulation for Lars than he would. While he gives Lars all the attention he can, I would have exposed him to more people WHILE I was giving him my undivided attention and he would have gotten even MORE stimulation. He would have gotten all the undivided attention from me and AT THE SAME TIME attention from others who loved him, and he ewould have gotten even MORE stimulation. We would of course have stimulated him in the different ways required for him to be able to learn how to get the most stimulation/satisfaction out of life. Stan falsely thinks going to court is going to help Lars, protecting him from me. He says I wouldn't give him a good life, that since I'd said on WP once that it would be fun to travel the world having babies with different Aspie guys that I was serious and that I'd do that with Lars. That's not true; I wasn't actually PLANNING to do that; I'd give Lars a better life. I wouldn't spend time with other guys neglecting Lars. He probably thought that the court wouldn't give him Lars just because he thought he would give Lars a better life than I would, so he had to lie and exaggerate. He needs reassurance and love in order to believe in me more as weell as Lars, as opposed to going against me and saying negative things about me like he's doing. Edit: he said the court would give him Lars just for that, and that he couldn't tell me why he lied about me but that was just the way things worked. He did what he thought was best for himself and for Lars, anyway. He had told me at first, however, that everything he wrote in the report was true.
He says I'm bipolar, but he himself is diagnosed with bipolar disorder. (But he probably meant that I still had problems on my meds, whereas he didn't.)
He called the cops on me so that he could get Lars, two weeks after I left, and later said in his petition that I had left to end the relationship. 3 or 4 weeks after I left he filed the petition. I had told him I would be gone for two months. He also wanted me to be in Lars's life but used me running away from Lars as a defence for me not being allowed to be around Lars, but if he wanted me to be around Lars to prove that I wanted him he would not have gotten a restraining order separating me and Lars.
The police, when coming to my door after Stan called Crime Stoppers on me after I posted about wanting to (but not planning to) shopot up schools, asked for me by my real name and said that someone on WP had called the cops on me. Only two people on WP knew my real name-- Stan and Allen. Stan admitted a month later, when I finally asked him, that he had done it. He said he never told me he had done it because I never asked, and that because I never asked he assumed I didn't want to talk about it. I asked him why his tip had been anonymous, he said "Is there any other way?" HE said he didn't tell me he'd done it because he assumed I didn't want to talk to him about it, because I didn't bring it up, and he said he doesn't know why he didn't tell me when I was talking to him about someone telling on me, and that he doesn't think everything out before he does or doesn't do something. This, he says, is also true for the times we had stilent moments over the phone when he could have interjected and told me that he had done it. He said that he had no reason why he didn't tell me. Probably because he was too lazy, or or too busy thinking about other things. He said he didn't try to hide it from me. He said, without prompting, that he understood why him keeping it from me would upset me and that he hadn't been doing that. I think he said he told on me for LArs's sake, and that is probably why he didn't ask if I wanted him to tell on me (all the other times Ihe said it was my choice if I wanted to go to the mental hospital or not). He did say that he also did it because he wanted to get me the medical help up in Canada that he knew I needed (since he knew I wanted to be up there for the time being). He said he knew I wouldn't go to jail as a result of him telling on me and that he knew I would get some kind of medical help. He said he's glad I'll be getting money from Social Services as a result of what he did and that he was bothered that I hadn't gotten it yet, and he told me to ask about it. HE said, unprompted, that he was sorry he hid it from me that he had told on me himself. He said he knows that hiding the truth from me is the worst thing you can do to me personally. He agreed that it's only moral to tell me something if it's my business even if it's his business too, but he said "Eventually." He said he understands that for me, him doing something to me and telling me about it is better than him doing nothing to me but not being an honest person. He said that he understands that he should from now on assume I want to know, not that I don't want to know, and when he said I wanted to talk about the reral issue that's going on instead of small talk like what's for dinner, , he changed the subject, saying taht he thinks I sometimes try to find issues to bring up. I said I don't. He promised me he'll tell me everything from now on if he knows something I don't know. He said he knew I would know when I thought about it, and that he was surprised that it took me so long to think about and thus figure it out that he had told on me. I told him that I can't have done anything to him if he'd told me the truth right away. So there was no reason for him not to have told me. HE did say that he did not try to hidde it from me; he just didn't tell me because he assumed I'd figure it out, and that he didn't talk about it to me because he assumed I didn't want to talk about it. He says he does not plan to tell the court that it was he who called the police on me, because "It probably won't come up." I told him that what I meant when I had told him before not to hide the truth from me was that I wanted him to tell me everything. And he had said, "I never want to hide the truth from you." He said he hadn't hid it from me; he just hadn't told me, but my definition of hiding it is not telling someone when you can and it's their business.
But why did he put the lies in there about me being capable of harming Lars?
Also, the report says that Lars isn't allowed outside Texas. Yet he said I was an illegal immigrant, and they can ban me from the county for 10 years for that. Therefore, I wouldn't see Lars for 10 years. Also, him not being allowed outside Texas is unfair to him and won't work because Stan won't be able to take Lars outside of Texas himself and there is no way of telling when he crosses the border anyway. Amendment: Stan said he does not believe I will suffer any consequences from him telling the court that I am an illegal alien because they would just have that information in their system but it wouldn't be everywhere.
He basically said that I clearly didn't want Lars because I abandoned him. That isn't true, and if it was, why would he need to get a court order to ensure I didn't abduct him if he believed I didn't want him? If I didn't want him, I wouldn't abduct him. And if I abducted him, I would want him, so "She doesn't want him therefore she isn't a fit mother for him" doesn't make sense, and it doesn't make sense anyway.
He said in the report that I said I wished Lars had never been born. I did not say that. I did once say something to the effect of, "He might be unlucky his soul wound up inside this body here with me, if not going to be a good mother to him." He told me that he remembered me actually saying I wished Lars had never been born, not that he might be unlucky because he was born into this family. I also may have said something to the effect of "I wish it was just me and you and that we were alone together again", but I don't know if I ever said that.
He says, truthfully, but not in the report, that I didn't say a lot about Lars in my emails because I wanted to get it directly from Lars if he was happy or not as opposed to asking Stan about him. I wanted to hear Lars making happy little noises over the phone when I talked to him. I didn't realize that asking Stan, even if I don't believe his answers, is caring. And I had nothing to TELL him about Lars.
He doesn't want me to move back in with him yet, but it would make Lars more happy if he had both of us with him at the same time, and if I didn't move back in with him and Lars I'm sure Lars would still be happy but not as happy. Stan says he thinks it's wrong for me to be away from Lars yet he doesn't want me to be around Lars.
Stan said that me walking out on them proved to him that I cared more avbout other things than about my son and that I would therefore not give him as good a life as he would if I had him.
At first Stan said everything in his petition was true, then he said that he couldn't tell me why he lied in the petition, but it might be that he had just forgotten that he had lied in the petition or that he had a different defintion of lying than me or something. I asked Stan why he won't even tell me why he isn't telling me, and won't even confirm that it's to protect his right to exclusive custody of Lars. I know the reason he isn't even telling me why he isn't telling me is to protect his custody of Lars, and I don't know how he can possibly think that I don't know that just because he didn't tell me.
He says he isn't going to address most of my comments here, probably because he has no answer other than that his intent is malicious. He does say, however, that he will tell me why he lied and everything else (even though he then said he didn't lie) after the court ordeal is over, which confirms that he said untrue things to get Finnegan.
Stan also attached a page of my medical records from the HCPC to his petition that I had left behind at his house, but I had never signed a release of information document for him to access my medical files from the HCPC. Yes, I had left them behind for him, but I had still never signed a paper saying he could see them.
Stan wrote something ambiguous that may appear to say that the day after I ran away he talked to me about leaving and I left, when actually he talked to me about leaving the day after I ran away and then again weeks later after another incident that did not involve running away, and then I left.
Because I promised that I wouldn't break up with Stan and then did a few times, though it wasn't breaking up with him, he's rightfully too suspicious of me to want to get back together with me for certain, because my promises aren't what they seem. And how I said I wouldn't bring up my issues with him from the past but then I did. I guess wht goes around comes around. I acted like I didn't want him and now he's acting like he doesn't want me because of that. Also, he's telling me he still loves me without talking about getting back together, which is what I did to him.
26 Mar 2009, 12:33 am
But I don't have a desire to be in just any relationship. I will always be with Stan no matter what, because there's a huge piece of soul that is part of him and part of me combined...
I have some pictures of Lars alone that Stan sent me but I would have to print them out. And I don't know what that would do; the point is to have pictures of me with Lars.
