The autism social rule book.

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It's especially true among the status seekers. I attended one management meeting where concern was expressed about how to meet the specification for testing some high pressure equipment, so not just the usual business concerns, but also a potential bomb, as all pressure vessels are (but don't worry, the factors of safety are especially stringent, and more so for testing equipment) but not to worry: my immediate superior, in his usual inimitable style, confidently proposed that the issue could be resolved by using a Dome Load Controller.

You could see the relief spread about the room like a ripple in a pond; problem solved, this guy obviously knows what he's talking about, so let's move on...

Evidently, not one of them, including my boss, had the faintest idea what a Dome Load Controller does.

When I ask "how are you?" I'm really expecting you to say "good" honestly I'm just using that to break the ice. And 90% of the time it's how it goes.
The rule is to be prepared for when someone wants to offload some of their drama on to you. Likely when they do they only want a sympathetic ear and not any form of advice unless they specifically ask for advice.

I can understand and agree with this rule in an educational setting, where everyone has to get a chance in order to learn, but anywhere else? Nah, fam. I'm totally answering every question I can.

There's a book I'v heard of (but never come across, that's entitled something like "How to get on with girls" and a probable copy of it in Harry Potter; How to get on with witches, so how come none of these "autism experts" have come up with "How to get on with Autistics"? Well, no one wants to read that, but how about one entitled how to get on with herd humans?

The first problem is that they it never occurs to them that one is needed; to them it is "obvious" that Hello, how are you (for example) is not an enquiry about your health, but translates more like "I like you and wish to converse with you".

There are so many of these misunderstandinsg I've come across over the years, like how we have a reputation for being moaners? It often arose in work that I'd see fellowengineers doing something badly, and thought it my duty to ponit them to a better way. The normal response was to listen politely, and then carry on doing as previously. This led me to suspect I hadn't explained myself properly, so I'd try again, with the same result. It's only quite recently that I came to understand that most people aren't interested in thebest way of doing something; he are much more interested in sticking with what they knew. I just didn't get it that they wanted to stay in their comforts zonzes, and I was just being anoying!

If you have an enemy (ie, a bully), and your friends still talk to them, don't get upset with your friends if they're not trying to spite you or anything. I've always understood this but a lot of people don't, especially those on the spectrum, and it isn't healthy to expect everyone to stop talking to someone just because you don't like that person. Sure, it may feel a little upsetting to see your friends talking to a person who they've seen bully you, but if they're not doing it out of spite or they're not allowing themselves to be poisoned against you by the bully or they're still your friends and respect you, then they're keepers, and you shouldn't make them feel guilty for talking to someone you hate if they happen to get on with that person.

I think that this is a healthy perspective, Tamaya.

Experience has taught me this.

Also, if you ask a friend to meet on a certain day and they reply back with a stern "can't I'm busy sorry", 9 times out of 10 what that really means is "I don't feel like seeing you". In most contexts anyway, sometimes there are exceptions of course.

And when a person with low confidence and low self-esteem gets upset because they've lost a friend or feels they have to walk on eggshells around a friend, the advice "then they're not a friend in the first place" is not always helpful and is usually just a platitude. People with low confidence, like myself, would actually rather walk that extra mile to remain someone's friend than to lose that friend and be alone, even though that friend isn't behaving like a true friend. But, at the end of the day, what is a true friend? How perfect does someone have to be to be qualified as a true friend? Usually I use the term "friends" as people I know and get along well with. It makes life feel less lonely that way.

My doctor dropped me for this one :/

Doctors in France seem to take a special delight in punishing anyone who dares a self diagnosis. I’m more concerned though with how they let body language guide their findings, and, in my case at least, get it wrong pretty much every time. In that case, the only way you’ll ever convince them they got it wrong is by dropping dead in front of them! To make it worse, we have a chronic shortage of most kinds of health practitioners (France used to get a top rating in health services, then calm the budget cuts…) so moving on, if you find your doctor doesn’t like you (a truly dangerous situation) just isn’t an option.

To women living with male partners: Don't nag and expect your partner to do handiwork around the house even if he's retired. Not all men like doing that sort of thing, just because they're male it doesn't mean they all come with a toolbox and a degree in construction work.

When dealing with a psychopath who has ruined lives but plays the victim, don't try to punish them by throwing a brick through their window or something. By doing that, it won't infuriate the psychopath, but instead will make them rub their hands together in glee because it'll then give them the chance to "prove" that they're the victim. So basically, throwing bricks through their window is exactly what they want you to do.

Advice is hard.
I don't know how many autistic people actually exist on the forum.
Behavioral standards are created by neurotypicals.
For neurotypicals,
I try to adapt to short conversations, I calculate that a conversation should last a maximum of 1 minute.
An autistic person tends to make it too long or elaborate.
Also avoid telling others that you are autistic: it doesn't help and creates detachment.
It's important to let others talk about yourself. The time we waste dedicating our own is almost always wasted.
It avoids stress.
Another thing that has perhaps already been written is "letting things slide," that is, thinking that a communication error isn't an unsolvable problem.
The problem is in the solution.
We're just fewer in number than those who are NT. We'll only communicate with a small circle of people.
Patience.

If someone sounds like they know something you don't and responds to any anxiety or curiosity you have with "you ask too many questions", it usually means "I know something you don't know but I'm not going to tell you at least not yet".

A friend is someone you can count on in important moments.
And vice versa: it's not a one-way street.
I think it's essential to have friends.
*You know you're friends with a special person when you feel a sense of lack of judgment toward them.
Absence of ulterior motives: you want the best for them.
I can't answer your question about self-esteem; it depends on each person's experience, and each person has their own experience that we know very little about.
(I hope my English is clear, otherwise, sorry for this...)

Don't report people unless you are absolutely sure they are hurting themselves or others. Otherwise, keep your nose out, because you don't always know the full story.

An example that brought this to mind: A man I knew was on unemployment benefits while he was looking for a job, and the job centre sent him on a mandatory course to learn the skills he needed for the jobs he was interested in. So he attended every day. But the nosy neighbour next door to him saw he was coming out his house at the same time every morning and reported him to the job centre, claiming that she'd seen him coming and going at the same times every day indicating that he had a job and that she wanted to let them know in case he was still claiming benefits for unemployment.
So he was called to the job centre and had to prove that he was on a course that he was sent on by the job centre, and he nearly lost his allowance. All because of a nosy neighbour who had no right to speak for him.

So never assume, as often there's a reason for people doing things that aren't your business.

(Not aimed at anyone here, I'm just speaking in general).

I think it’s a good idea to report suspected abuse/harm. Investigators/experts are typically better at figuring out whether wrongdoing has taken place or not. This is especially the case with suspected child abuse where you often can’t know for sure if it happened but there are signs. Similarly, if there’s a domestic dispute going on with adult neighbors and it sounds like there may be a physical altercation, I think a neighborly thing to do would be to make a call even though one wouldn’t know for sure if someone was being harmed.