god dammit, my new friends just figured out I'm weird

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god dammit, my new friends just figured out I'm weird.

I was so thrilled to finally make some friends. These people are super nice and super cool. We have alot of common interests. We play music together. This was the 3rd get-together and today they figured out that I'm weird. I caught myself making some odd faces and odd poses and stuff (without meaning to of course).

And they were just looking at me like "what the hell is wrong with this guy". Or at least I thought they were... I'm not sure. So then I started to get all paranoid thinking things like "they don't really want me around, they are just too nice to tell me so." I'd rather have them just come right out and say it, but I just don't know for sure.

What I would like to do is say "Hey so what do you guys think of me, if you don't like me just tell me and I'll leave. My feelings won't be hurt too much and it will be better for everybody." But that really would be a weird thing to say and if they actually don't hate me, that would make it for sure.

If I can't get along with this bunch of people, there's not really anybody I can get along with because these are the coolest nicest people you could ever meet.

Does this mean that my social skills are so non-existent that I will never be able to have a normal friendship or relationship of any sort with anybody?

sucks and I feel like crap. i'm supposed to be having fun there, not being stressed and nervous. AGGGGH! this is frustrating.

oh, wow, dude, that happens to me too! I get all excited by new folks and then I talk too loud or too inappropriately or get caught staring at something shiny or doing that thing with my eyes. . .

Look, Chucks sister is a teacher, and an Aspie, and she makes a joke of the stuff she does. She comes right out with it and makes it something fun and happy! Of course, she is a teacher and just tells them they will have to deal with her forgetting where she is in the lecture and keeps a pop gun that shoots pingpong balls at folks that can't take a joke.

It will probably be the hardest thing you ever did, but make light of it. Make it into OUR joke, OUR interesting thing our new friend does. Tell them you are trying out a new stage presence and running through some postures and some facial expressions. . tell them you are always working on improving your act. . .

but the point is, don't get all SERIOUS about it, let them know it is for the good of the team.

good luck, cause being alone sucks

Merle

I know being different can make you feel self-conscious and insecure,but try to

RELAX

and

BE YOURSELF.

True friendship allows you to be yourself,no matter how different you each are.And it encourages you.False friendship drains you.

If you are in fact "weird" then embrace it,and find others who will also embrace it.You don't need false friendship,no matter how "cool" someone is.

You could tell them you have Asperger's and that's why you're weird. If they have questions, you could refer them to WP. Now, everytime I meet someone new, I tell them I am missing the brain cells that everyone else uses for facial recognition and to not feel bad if I don't recognize them the next time we meet, and could they please reintroduce themselves. So far, everyone has been willing to help me when I laid out my problems in a straightforward manner.

i know this kind of situations very well, too. but this was just one time, so if you try to be like 'not weird' for some time, they will forget the situation and let it be unexplained. and some of my friends like me BECAUSE i am strange. if they are good people they will like you because of the good things. only bad people with issues pick the bad things in order not to like the others. good luck!

Agreed, and from my experience that's the best way to live your life.

All my friends KNOW I'm "stranger than sh_t" as they put it. I've had friends for years and they've known that. I think you are ahead of the game because they share an interest with you. So, here's what I do when those situations come up where you know that your "freak flag" has been flying - just say to them, "My synapsis misfired again. Just ignore it. My brain blips like that sometimes and makes my body do something strange." That allows them to feel like they understand it and move on. I've done that for years, including at work and it's fine. I did it long before I ever knew what AS was and they accepted it back then. At least it lets them know it's your brain and that you aren't intentionally being a jerk. You'll even find that some of them help you out in the future when they see it start to happen.

If they can't handle that explanation, they are not as cool as you thought or as nice. Most adults who are nice and cool will be okay with that. They'll figure out how to work around it with you.

You certainly should not run away or try to hide it. You'll only cause more confusion if you do.

thats the problem with friends: they figure out things and use them against you

Mine haven't.

then they aren't doing it right

I just tell people I'm weird right from the start. It saves time and if they decide they don't like it, it's not like I didn't warn them!

Yes I think I might have to start doing this.

I wonder if I should tell them I have AS? I don't know... it's so confusing. I really don't mind if they know, but I don't want the whole town knowing. I'm not ashamed of it (am I?). But I really just don't want the whole world knowing my private business.

This is so stupid... I just want to be able to relax in a social situation, just relax. Is that too much to ask.

I don't tell them I have anything in particular. I tell them that I am shy (that is what AS can look like), and I tell them I have a strange sense of humor. Most people don't stop to think about what that might mean and that way they are prepared when something appears odd in my behaviour. If you are friends with these people for a long time then you can tell them the WHY about your differences.

I wouldn't tell them about AS. It's too confusing and too hard to explain. Besides, they'll start reading things into everything you do. Just tell them your brain misfired and leave it at that. They'll move past it. People even get over the fact that they can't 'hint" anything to me or I won't get it. After they get enough blank looks they just come out and say they know I don't get it and they tell me. Otherwise, I have no clue what they are talking about.

Besides, if you tell them all about AS, you are going to start expecting them to remember every single thing about it and to accomodate you accordingly. That is just not realistic. They will forget things just like you will forget to do things for them as NTs. If you treat it as though it's no big deal and remind them as if it's no big deal, you'll avoid half the problems I see on here which frankly are caused by people thinking that everyone else needs to know all about their brain and arrange their lives accordingly or they will throw a fit. The truth of the matter is that everyone is too busy to remember all that and they have their own lives. You'll have to remind them occasionally, that's just the way it is and they will make it as big of a deal as you do - so don't do that. Just deal with it as it comes. (That's just for friends. With random NTs you will have your moments, we all do. I do. It just happens.)

Last edited by ZanneMarie on 27 May 2007, 4:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

well yes, i just tell people that im a bit weird, people are different, etc.
if im trying to explain something and can't get the words out (even though i may be an expert in the subject), i will say "well you know im terrible at putting things into words" or something like that.
so if i space-out while im thinking, then they usually give a bit of extra time.

most people are quite understading and realise that there are many different types of people.
Im probably blathering bollox, as usual , but mentioning AS seems pointless and possibly counter-productive.
Most people wont know what it means, and if they did, then you wouldnt need to say.

ive kinda been telling more grad students in my neuro lab that i'm probably AS (least im convinced)... and they seem to be taking it well! they're like........... that's why you never hang out, lol

it's just been coming up a lot more cause im defending my MS within the next 2 months (ive been here almost 3 yrs) and they all are like, "oh, whatever are you going to do?".............. you can dodge some of those convos.... but not forever. and like the OP said...... the more contact i have with these people... the more often i do something goobery...

i am very thankful my teaching has given me some sort of flexibility to think on my feet. it's definitely given me some humility to work with on laughing at myself...

edit: point is, im kinda starting to feel ok around some of these people... they at least keep inviting me to grab sushi with them... sucks im gonna be leaving soon.