I feel like I am going to snap but am I overreacting?

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I've been trying to get into the career I want, filmmaking by trying to make a feature film over the last few years, but I feel like things keep getting in the way of it, such as needing more money, more people to work with, from different places, etc. And my family has been trying to stop me as well as a couple of friends thinking I am crazy for risking such a risky business venture, but I don't know what else I want to do with the career I want to get into.

Plus my parents tried to sieze control of my money to try to stop me, which I talked about on here some time ago, and that was a lot of drama to deal with. And when it seems that everything is working against me, I now have to wait for covid-19 to be over. I mean I am already 36 now, and I still haven't gotten into the career I want, and I feel like it's driving me crazy, like fate is trying to stop me anyway which way it can.

I feel like I am going to snap, but is that understandable at this point or am I overreacting? I talked about this to a friend of mine and he says I need a vacation and I should take a trip somewhere and relax. But after having done nothing for work for months now, because of covid putting my last job out of business, before the current job I just got a couple of months ago, I am really not up for a vacation. But he says I need a vacation, and just take it anyway, even though you have only been back to work for two months after months off.

What do you think? Am I overreacting, or is this understandable?

Both. I understand your frustration and you are overreacting.

This might be a time you need to reevaluate and find another way to achieve your goal. You need to slow down and consider the possibilities for get what you want. You are not going to get good outcomes from being this upset.

Oh okay, well so far I haven't been sure how to achieve it because of covid, and cannot find a way out of it so far.

I don't think you're overreacting, but snapping's no good for your mental health, so try to find a way to calm down. Look at things logically: the virus is getting in your way, yes, but that's something completely out of your control. Just do what you can to make sure you don't catch it and try not to think of it too much otherwise.

More money, more people... those are basic problems that anyone aiming for the same thing as you will face, unless they happen to have some very solid source of financing. It's something you just have to accept. It's natural to stress about it, but keep in mind that that kind of stress usually comes as a backage deal with big projects like that.

I can understand your family and friends; what you're doing is risky. However, since it's your dream career, I say go for it. Be careful and don't do things that are too risky, but don't give up, either. Your parents trying to take control of your money though... do they have a legal possibility to do so? If not, all you really have to do is say no, and that's the end of it. Or you could try to make a compromise with them to keep them happy, like by giving them a portion of your money monthly for safekeeping so that you don't use it all on something they consider to be a waste. Just a succestion, of course.

If you don't feel like you need a vacation, don't take one. Though taking a vacation from thinking about all this might do some good for you.

Filmmaking can be extremely high risk, so I understand your friends and family discouraging you from putting your money on the line and potentially losing it all.

My cousin works in film as a production assistant and was the production manager on a feature length horror movie. I attended the industry night premier. The people who financed it based the story on some real life events, but then modified it. The movie was Okay - it is its moments - but it never made it to being released in theatres and I don’t think it sold at auction at all afaik. Movies get made and then shopped around the world to sell to theatres for release, or DVD makers, or pay per view channels, or premium cable channels etc. If they don’t get bought by anyone, they go nowhere and lose whatever money they cost to make. These people mortgaged their house to make this film because they wanted to so badly. At the premier they told the backstory afterwards about the real life events that led to writing their horror movie... and my thought was “Why didn’t you just tell the real life story? It sounds scarier..” vs the fictional stuff they added that made the plot a little too cliche. Production value of the movie itself was amazing considering the budget they had, but still, I think the net result was that these people lost all their money and their house.

Usually filmmakers make many short films and enter them in film feats. This is to learn and hone their craft, make contacts, build a name for themselves etc vs just jump in to a feature film and pray they haven’t just wasted their life’s savings. Also, people are usually trying to build up a good reputation to then have the opportunity to make a movie with other people’s money. It IS possible to skip to making a feature film.. but then the probability of success is much lower.

With good reputable people making your movie you have a fighting chance.. but still, it’s very high risk that a first time film maker is going to make something that gets sold and make a profit. That’s why those with $$$ in the industry don’t risk it on people who have never made a movie before. It takes years of making short films etc to prove yourself as a successful film maker by producing shorts that get film fest awards etc before anyone will consider letting you make an attempt at a feature film with their money. What qualifications and experience do you have that would make an investor finance your movie? If you don’t have those things and you know they wouldn’t, why would you risk your own money on yourself and your idea? (Do you even have a movie idea & script?)

I know others that work in film and make short films, too. What I described above is how the business typically works. Maybe do some research on getting your toes wet doing a short film for film fest entry to see how people react to it? Maybe try seeing if there’s a production company you could invest a small amount of money in and partner on a film? That would at least limit your personal risk and spread it amongst others. Then at least you’d be a part of producing a film, meet some people, learn some things, and hopefully get your money back when it sells.

I’m not in the film industry, but I do have a business school education, and it seems that what you want to jump into is extremely high risk and your friends and family are right to caution you against it. They don’t want to see you lose all your money chasing a nearly impossible dream. Take their advice. Start small with low risk and see how it goes. Hell, the smaller the better - there have now been feature length movies and documentaries filmed on iPhones with some sort of steadycam apparatus. You could literally film your first movie idea from a camera as simple as a phone for a very low price tag. Etc. Start small and go through the motions and learn things about what to do and not do. That way if you make fatal mistakes that doom the project it only cost you a few thousand dollars or whatever, not betting everything you’ve ever earned and saved on one film and then losing it all to one mistake. Make cheap mistakes first - lots of them - and get good at getting better Before you jump into anything costly. Otherwise you’re very likely to regret it.

Oh okay. Well I've made a few shorts as well as helped people on their film projects so far to try to get my feet wet, and make connections. But I feel like i need to take the plunge into a feature film sometime, rather than hope someone is going to give me the money just from past shorts or experience, unless I should rely on shorts to get money and not take the plunge?

How did your shorts do? Enter any fests? Win any awards? Make any mistakes to learn from? Cost money or make money? (AFAIK they typically cost money vs make money, but I’m not in the industry - they might be a money maker.)

If you Can rely on shorts to generate money to build towards a feature then That could be an excellent path forward in the business. You’d continue learning, growing, making inexpensive mistakes along the way, meeting people and making contacts, And be using a business’ own profits to expand said business vs pumping your own capital into it for one big risky expansion. It’s almost Always better for a business to be generating profits and finance its own growth & expansion vs injecting your own cash/debt etc - so if it’s doable to make several more shorts that make money to put towards a feature then that sounds like a business wise path to me. It’d also prove to your friends and family that you Can do this, that your shorts have made money and you’ve learned enough about the film business and budgeting within it to manage to make a feature length film that’s likely to succeed and make money - just the same as a strong track record of shorts would prove to industry financiers, too. Then maybe you’ll make a feature with $ you earned from shorts, or maybe you’ll have an interested investor who fronts the money for you to work with, or a partner or two to spread the risk.

Do you have a feature film script in mind? What’s the projected cost? How many shorts over what period of time would it take to make the money from shorts to shoot the feature?

I entered a few, but didn't win anything and didn't hear back. I was told that the acting was not very good, and that is why for doing a bigger project, I need to spend more money on actors. They were no budget shorts, and I was saving up money for a bigger project, which is this one now, but I feel the acting could be better if I bring in more acting options from different places, and pay more for it.

I was also told I need a better cinematographer as well, and would want to pay for that too of course. No one said anything bad about the sound though, but I do have some audio training from courses I have taken, so I think I should do well in the audio part myself.

I do have a particular script in mind that I would like to do. As for doing shorts to make money, I don't think shorts can make money, as there doesn't seem to be a market for shorts to make money compared to features, or a series, unless I am wrong?

I am trying to keep the cost under 50K if I use my own money, but others say I'm going to have to spend more like 150K of my money at least to do it, so I am not sure how to keep that down.

Sounds like you got a fair bit of very valuable constructive criticism of your shorts with which you can apply changes to your next projects to do even better - possibly gain entry to film fests and maybe even be nominated for awards, or who knows, even win something.

If it were Me, that’s the path I would take. Accept that it’s going to cost you money towards your passion, money to produce shorts and keep learning and moving forward. Almost Every successful filmmaker Ever has followed this path of persistence - accepting feedback, never giving up, trying again and again - working extra jobs to come up with the $ necessary to produce their next short and make their next shot.. aiming for the moon, but accepting if they barely breach sea level, get constructive feedback about their shortfalls, take action on that feedback and make something better for their next shot - rinse and repeat over and over and over again until successful. Once you’ve proven to yourself, the industry, friends and family that you Can create successful films THEN you can consider a feature film whether finances by yourself, others, or a combination. That is the process. Deviating from it is almost a sure fire way to lose all of your money.

It would be an incredibly foolish use of funds (IMO) to take the feedback you got on your first couple shorts and believe that you can turn it into a perfectly saleable full length feature film on your first attempt to do better with the feedback you’ve been given. Use that feedback on your next short! And the next one, and the one after that.

You might even find that NOW is the very best time to get better quality paid actors for cheap - I have a couple on my fb, and a cameramen/filmmaker etc, and the industry is Not back in full swing due to covid yet so there are Good actors/directors out of work who might opt to work on a short film at a cut rate of pay vs their usual fee right now. One of them on my fb is a woman I used to work with at a brew pub - Annette Riley (new married name now I can’t recall) - she played Sabrina the teenage witch on the now cancelled Netflix series. She’s also directed film fest shorts etc. Pretty sure that even She is between acting contracts right now and open to all sorts of work. You may find the exact same thing in your local area - that quality actors are available for short projects. Or maybe not for a cut daily rate, but a short duration vs wanting a feature film contract or series etc. You’d have to contact people or their agents and negotiate.

As for budget.. others are likely correct that $50k is merely a drop in the bucket of what is necessary. $50k might end up being the cost to try to market and sell a film After production & post production costs. It costs money to send a film to the international auction houses, to send representative salespeople there, to print and distribute marketing materials etc.

IIRC, the ultra low budget horror film my cousin was the production manager for (called “Blackburn,” which featured paid actors - some of them reasonably known faces & a stunt coordinator that does Steven Segal movies) was done for what’s considered a shoestring budget and cost somewhere between $350-500k. The special effects and stuff achieved on that budget were Amazing - according to industry people the visuals looked like a $3-5M movie, so in that regard they did incredibly well.

So, based on that, even $150K is what’s known as “sweet f**k all,” in the movie making business. Trying to create a feature film that will sell and make money on a $150k budget is pretty much unheard of. Find me 10 movies that have done so. Hell, find me 3, or name even 1! And I bet if you do find any that they’ll have been create by someone who made a Lot of cheap miatakes on shorts first.

I can only think of a couple films that were created super cheap that had ultra low budgets and any level of success. One of them is a film fest movie called “Primer,” that was pretty much filmed in a storage locker and had a budget of $7,000. Box office: $841,926.00. Check it out if you haven’t seen it.. the entire movie is pretty much just conversations between actors, but it’s the captivating story and non-linear timeline of the time travelling story that made it so successful - a movie you have to pay Close attention to every word to follow, that’s captivating enough to make you do it.

Another was Cube. Oops - my mistake, not quite. Looked it up: budget $350,000. Box office: $9M. Big spread! But it still cost $350k for an ultra low budget sci-fi film. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cube_(film)

$50-150k is more like the catering budget on a blockbuster film than the entire budget. And THAT is why people prove themselves by making ever better shorts over and over again until they get recognition & respect for their work and Someone will then trust them with their money to make a feature film.

Is it Possible to make a “Primer,”? Yes, of course it is, it was done after all.. but is it mathematically probable? No! Not at all. It’s next to impossible.

My advice is 99% make more shorts and follow the proven path to success that filmmakers follow & 1% just f*****g go for it IF you truly believe you have a “Primer,” A N D you think you can pull it off for $7,000. If you don’t have one of those “unicorns,” get to work on your next short and just keep moving forward until you get your big break like everyone else. Otherwise what’s almost guaranteed to happen is that you’re going to wast $50-150k and then by horribly disappointed/depressed and frustrate every single person in your life that’s trying to prevent you from making the biggest financial mistake of your life. People aren’t trying to hold you back from your dreams, they’re trying to ensure you don’t lose your life’s savings pursuing them. So chase your dreams, but do it the tried & proven slow way of making your next short and the one after that and the one after that until you have an impressive portfolio that will persuade producers with deep pockets to gamble on You making a feature film because with a proven track record of success their risk will be lower when they take that chance on you.

Oh okay. But the thing is, I don't have the money to keep making shorts forever. I am almost 40 and I think it's time to take the next career leap. Sure, because of money I am forced to jump ahead, but I feel I have to face facts, that I am almost 40 and just not going to have the money to keep going with shorts.

Can't I face facts, and use the money for the feature, rather than thinking I have all the time and money in the world to keep making shorts? Plus I don't think you are going to get anywhere much with shorts, since every filmmaker I talked to, had to make a feature just get to more recognition.

Unless I am wrong, and I have all the time and money to keep making shorts, and time and money is not going to run out?

I think I am just going to have to take the Primer route. The filmmakers who made Primer, would have spent more money if they could have wouldn't they? They didn't have a choice to make it for that cheap, they made to, because they were between a rock and a hard place.

But when you are betweeen a rock and a hard place, you can't just get out and get more time and more money. You have to work with what you have. So like the Primer filmmakers, don't I have to work with what I have, when put in an almost impossible situation?

I just feel I have no choice but to accept the situation, and I am not sure how to get out of the nearly impossible situation? How do you get out of it, or where do I get a whole lot of money and time out of nowhere? I feel I need to face facts and just accept the situation and do what I can rather than be in this denial, that money is going to come from somewhere in the future.

What I am worried about is, if I use all my money to make shorts, that I will not have any left for a feature in the end, when a feature is more important to make a marketing impression with. That's my worry.

And if you haven’t mastered making Good shorts yet that get recognition/film fest entries/nominations/awards, what makes you think you’ll achieve saleability on jumping into your first feature?

You haven’t taken the feedback you’ve gotten on shorts and made better shorts yet, so jumping into a feature has a Very High probability of failure and then you’ll have spent all your money with nothing to show for it.

THAT is why everyone, myself included, is advising you Not to do that.

Who cares if you’re almost 40? I’m less than 2 years from 40 and still have much greater goals to accomplish after 40 than before. Is it better to take your shot Now and lose all your money in your late 30’s just for the sake of taking a shot before 40, or make a few more shorts and take a shot at 42 or 45 with a much higher chance of success thanks to patience and persistence? The latter, IMO. People live to 80 or 100. You’re not expired or dead at 40 - you’re just entering your prime in terms of career at that point. Don’t act like you Have To do this Now or you won’t be able to just because you’re nearly 40! That’s a sure fire way to make a really stupid “mid life crisis,” emotional money mistake instead of just putting your head down and doing the work and biding your time until you’ve honed your skills and can competently make a feature film. Make shorts until your feedback is, “Wow! You Need to move onto making features.. let me put you in touch with some people,” instead of, “Good work, but here’s all the things you need to improve.” That’s how it’s done and there’s a reason pretty much every successful filmmaker follows this process and accepts the advice they’re given by friends, family, and industry insiders.

oh okay. I am more open-minded to making sure it's but I don't have any good short film scripts left right now. I can see if I can find some though from somewhere.

I guess I just felt that I'm going to have to make it on my own when it comes to selling a product and no film festivals are going to help me by giving me awards and I was going to have to go out at it alone.

But even if I did get awards in the future, I still think everyone would try to stop me for making a feature even if I did get the awards. Unless they wouldn't?

I think people would just say that just because I want a couple of awards doesn't mean I should spend all my money on a movie and I don't feel that a couple of awards would make a difference on people being worried.

plus in order to have a short that has good actors and good cinematography I'll probably have to spend like maybe 20K on it I'm guessing? If I do that for a few shorts everyone's just going to think there was stupid of me to spend the money on that then.

Awards would be your Proof that you can pull this off. Then you’d get encouragement vs discouragement.

So don’t make a $20k short. Make a $2-k short. Then another and another. And don’t do them until you have the Ideal scripts that are Just Right for specific film fest entries. Be strategic about it all and stretch your budget to the max.

And definitely stop thinking that if you’re not successful by 40 that you never will be. It’s those people who give up at 40 that never achieve greatness. Meanwhile, those who persist are the ones who make something of themselves. So many people think 40+ and it’s all over - when in reality, Almost Every Single person who has been successful in business across various industries has achieved their success After 40. Fact. Stop thinking it’s do or die time. It isn’t. It’s keep moving forward time.

Oh okay, but I don't think that a 2K short is enough that will get awards though. I think you have to spend more on the acting, cinematography and production design to get awards. One short I made was almost 3K, for example but I was till told the acting was bad. So I thought I need to spend more on experiened people therefore.

But also, I do not have many scripts to keep going, but I can keep looking. I just don't think there a lot of short film scripts out there to choose from, that are semi-good, but I can keep looking.

As for how long to wait to make a feature, I have helped others on their feature films and they have helped me on my projects as well. But I feel like if I keep waiting and waiting that they are not going to take me seriously because I kept saying I was going to do something and then I don't.

Even my film school professor said a filmmakers got to bite the bullet sometime and do it, so I feel like I am being taken less seriously in the filmmaking community, the more I don't do it, compared to everyone I know who has made a feature, that I was a part of. They also told me to stop looking for validation from others, because no film festival is going to give me validation and say yes it's okay, go make it. They say I need to be own boss and accomplish something for myself, rather than listen to if other say I should. Do they have a point?

Yes, they have a Very Good Point.

I’m a bit of a “Go for it,” kind of guy. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have very large goals. But My biggest goal (university studies) requires me to follow a specific path and process to success. I have no choice but to do the work along each step. Build skills & money, take part time classes, get good grades, save more money and eventually take full time classes while working summers/very part time etc. There’s a prescribed path, I can go for the goal, but I have to do the work along a somewhat predetermined path. There’s no skipping very many steps and being able to achieve it so it’s not apples to apples comparable to what you want to do.

What milestones did each of them achieve before going for their first feature? Are you at the same level of skill/experience as they were when they went for it? Did they succeed on their first feature attempt? All things you should take into consideration.

One last thing to consider, that might be the most important: How does your autism/other diagnoses interfere with filmmaking? Consider everything. Like does it impair your perceptions and judgements in decision making? Does it make you easily manipulated by others and a potential target to be scammed out of money? Do executive functioning issues make it impossible to get things done on time? Are you too trusting of people? So many things Could come into play depending on what your level of impairment and symptoms are. Really think about how these things could affect your work and if it can think of ways to compensate for them - possibly by having a business partner/manager that’s strong in all of the areas you have deficits in. If you’re super honest with yourself about your own deficits, you’ll better be able to identify someone with those characteristics as strong suits that can be utilized to your advantage. Something to consider - I know I would consider it if it greatly increased my chances of success.

Oh okay. I was scammed out of money once, on the first short film, but haven't been scammed since. I think maybe I've learned to cautious and see a scam coming so far, and not go further on it. I don't know I am write, but I am picky about who I work with now.

However, I don't know if 2K would make a difference on shorts, since I spend 2-3K on the ones already. Does that mean I need to spend more to get awards if 2K is not cutting it? But if I keep spending more, I won't have enough for a feature. You say keep making more money, but I have to pay bills too, and can only save so much, so where is all this extra money suppose to come from?

Things like this is why I feel I cannot work my way up the chain sort of have to create my own chain, that is do-able for my situation, rather than try to force my situationt to fit someone else's idea, of what that ideal chain should be, if that makes sense?