i feel fake

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i'm so tired i hate staging things. can i have a hug.....someone?

*hugs*

Darling,

You are very real to me, and I have wondered where you have been?

Hugs are in order, lots of hugs.

Over here we have this holiday thing, it is meant to drive everyone mad, it works,

How is life for the recently discovered and overly tired?

Aspie Princess is a big job, it will take some time to grow into it.

I miss our talks, I am here for you.

Welcome to the club. Society is one big show.

oh hullo inventor. yes i've been busy so didn't have much time on forums etc. but now that the holidays have started, well i might as well >_> plus i must drag my heavy bones to the library and start revising physics :S

oh and btw, despite my so-called 'pre-meditating cunning nature under the innocent naive mask' some of the things have backfired on ME. and now i'm stuck, la la la.

hugs back to DivaD, inventor and phagocyte.

I think society taught you to act phony. They teach everyone. It's just that you're smart enough to see through it and notice that it is complete nonsense.

Your brain doesn't have any safety's in place so if you push it, you can hurt yourself. Try to rest it. I like watching South Park because I think Trey Parker and Matt Stone are comic geniuses.

Many hugs,

-Colin

<hug>
Sadly one of those fake internet hugs.
On the plus side, no human contact.

*big bear-hug*

I see you say you're of Asian background. Whereabouts do you live in England?

Darling, why do you have to stage things? Are you sure you have to? Just be yourselff; are you scared you'll be shot if you don't? Or it could be understimulation, where if you get negatively stimulated (criticised or put down) you get traumatized or depresed or very very angry... I was there until I was put on Celexa, a SSRI antidepressant that killed the social anxiety.

Well, most of the time the facades become so well-ingrained that it becomes impossible to be sincere, not to mention that you are constantly berated every time you speak your mind. The previous generation of parents and doctors are just clueless and ignorant.

-Colin

good morning everyone =] i woke up extra early today because it's my mom's bday and i'm trying to make a special breakfast for her (can smell sausages from here lol). although, i think i will not go out today to town

yes and no. i think society's dumb but not in all aspects. you just have to learn to try and fit in, i guess. and i suppose there's always a risk of hurting yourself but nevermind, i always find something to comfort myself in the end =]


that's exactly the point =]


[hugs back] yep, i'm malay. well a mixture of lots of different ethnicities i guess. birmingham btw.


i can't be myself. i decided three yrs ago after i splitted up with my best mate that this time i'll give my best shot to 'blend' in the crowd. i think i've done it very well, even though my mates think i'm a tad crazy but nevertheless i sound realistic and that's the most important thing, isn't it? trying to be myself would be 'wrong' somehow and anyways i've yet to find ways how to express my real feelings properly

and i'll never feed myself with anti-depressants 0.0 let Nature heal thyself =]


hmm you've expressed that so well. i can never be sincere, although i wish i can. it makes me sound so evil cos i'm 'deceiving' others, and i'm sometimes scared of myself

Ah, sausages. On a nice bap. That's the spirit!

I could go a real hug if you smell nice.



I see.

I try to blend in with the crowd like you Darling but I know that I have my own identity and am determined to protect it. If that means I have to be alone then so be it. The best lesson in life you can learn is that no-one cares about you.

I know what you mean, putting on facades to please others is very exhausting. You don't have to though. It's okay to put your own comfort in front of others. Take care of yourself.

@tequila
of course i smell nice =P

yes i do have my own identity but it's very hard 'to take off the lid', if you know what i mean. it's not 'right' anyway, cos everyone assumes that they know me so well too. so yeah, i guess it's best just to leave the way it is. i know that no one really cares about me but i'd like to think that it's true. plus, i do try to find a quiet area for myself but nowadays it's just so hard.

i'm also upset today because the party i hold up just now went wrong :S i'd planned everything but they just don't come out right. like my sisters, oh gosh they annoy me so much! plus the cakes didn't bake in time when the guests arrived. and my little sister is yowling and they didn't like the movie (i thought it would be a unique experience for them to watch a japanese movie but noooo) and my sisters mentioned the person i like and it was so embarrassing cos everyone made fun of me.......ARGH i feel like tearing my hair out and jump out of the window! and why am i stupid enough to invite my ex-bully? she used to give this psychological torture at school, oh my god @_@ i thought she'd changed, but nooooo. damn it all.

but i do have to, that's the problem. my friend who knows i'm aspie is trying to help me out on that. but it's not working. and i can't express myself properly, urgh, i hate that word 'can't' >.<

I see, people acting like people, well we can't have that, can we?

Getting two people to agree on a movie is hard, then when questioned after, you would swear they saw a different film.

Social lessons are fun, more so for Aspies!

I do not work out my expectations beforehand, and they do not live up to them.

None would agree on what did happen.

No one expresses themselves properly, and if they did, others would misunderstand,

It is the Human Condition.

You have a friend who is trying to help you, how would they feel if they found you had torn out your hair and jumped out a window?

It would make them feel bad. Being rude is never the answer.

Since you smell nice, more hugs.

I like your scent. I really do. What is it?



Ah, I see what you mean now. You've buried your own sense of self so far that you can't find your own properly?



Is the person you like a boyfriend of some kind? Tell me to get stuffed if I'm being nosy.

I know it's hard, and I'm a bastard for doing it but try not to plan things too much. Just remember that people are morons in their own world. They wouldn't have any interest in watching the Japanese film because it's weird and just doesn't occur to them. If you plan things like you do looking for failure you will fail and you will feel on edge. It's like trying to hold everything back. I still do that to some extent but then I think to myself: what can people do to me? Is Chop Chop Square around the corner? No. I'm not a social person by nature. I will interact with people outside my family when I feel the need to and when I desire it. I think I'm polite but reserved and very distant. It's all part of my nature, I guess.

Who was your ex-bully? Does she live locally? I don't 'do' parties. Don't feel the need to if you don't feel like it. I don't like parties at my house because I cannot find an adequate means of escape.

What was the film by the way? I might have seen it.