Does it feel intrusive to have to talk?

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Does it feel too intrusive to let other people into your thoughts/feelings/experiences/interests?

When I'm with others, I fear losing myself. I've never wanted to share my inner world as it feels too threatening. I don't share my interests with anybody now, although I used to as a child and didn't get the response I wanted so that might be why.

When other people want to know how I feel or what I'm thinking it feels really intrusive. I've developed a way of dealing with this - I talk to other people on the surface when I have to and try to manage whatever they want to know in the most minimal way as possible, but I keep my deepest sides of myself locked away. I can do the small talk thing to some extent, but I'm never fully involved in the conversation as I'm off in my head somewhere.

It affects me everyday of my life as on the rare attempts I do go out I would much rather be at home with my own thoughts. If I'm out somewhere taking in the scenery I would rather be alone and absorb it peacefully rather than have someone else there intruding on my space. I'd rather go abroad alone than with someone else and have to talk about everything.

Does this sound strange or do others feel like this?

Hmm. I know precisely the feeling you're describing. I'd never thought of it as 'losing myself' but now that you mention it, that's a very good turn of phrase. Sometimes it feels like a person is sort of attempting to pry my head open and pull out private pieces of me just to gawk at, ridicule, or judge. The psychologist who DXd my AS called it "issues with disclosure."

A few years back I had a new boss come into the place I was working and his first day there, he gave everyone blank sheets of paper and told us to write down things like where we wanted to be personally and career-wise within the next five years, and what was our worst quality and questions like that. I told him flat out I felt the whole experience was intrusive.

I don't work there anymore.

Up until about 3 years ago I used to be very much like this. However, I do still prefer to absorb scenery peacefully and be at home with my own thoughts.

Oh YEAH. Some days I just can't deal with conversing much at all, esp. with overly outgoing types. When I was younger I would sometimes "clam up", much to my parent's and guidance councilor's and shrink's annoyance. Not so much about losing myself as just not feeling like there was anything worth talking about. Wondering what good it would actually do.

With regards to my parents, I often found myself in the position of either A) Tell them what they want to hear (which they claimed to NOT want) or B) Tell them how I REALLY thought/ felt, which in turn would infuriate them and I would hear back "How DARE you think/feel that way!" It would suck for me regardless. Not so much now but still, there's just certain intrusive sorts of people I find unbearable to be around.

When I have to go to a party (e.g., a social function that I must attend as part of my job), and stand around making "small talk" for hours, I have to take a nap when I get home, because the strain of forcing myself to talk to people I'm not interested in wears me out completely. Every minute I wish I were home doing something I like.

I like conversation when it has a real and deep purpose, like when I talk with my close friends (I have two, and that's more than enough for me), or when getting together with family (with them I hardly have to make any effort and I naturally care about them), or when I used to talk to my therapist (she retired). But to talk just for the sake of talking and only because I "have to" is unbelievably exhausting.

Some people just love to talk and talk. I just don't. I used to be ashamed of this. But I've come to realize something. If something isn't right for you, it doesn't matter what it is.

Me, too! You don't know how many times I've been told "Oh, you should go to that movie with someone, you'll enjoy it more!" Or, "you're traveling alone? how could you do that?"

If I want to see a movie or go on a trip, it's for the sake of the movie or the trip. Someone else being there does not make it a better movie or a better trip, at least not for me.

Not really, but I do feel like I'm too narcissistic and self-absorbed when I talk about myself. Talking for me also takes a lot of effort - I'd be perfectly content just listening.

That's exactly what the psychiatrist who diagnosed me said to me.

I do find it intrusive, I'm not sure why.
I just want to keep all my private thoughts private but at the same time, this has prevented me from helping myself at times when I needed help the most.

That's exactly what the psychiatrist who diagnosed me said to me.

I do find it intrusive, I'm not sure why.
I just want to keep all my private thoughts private but at the same time, this has prevented me from helping myself when I needed help the most.

Thanks for the replies - I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this!

Yes that is exactly how I feel. I don't do talking for the sake of it - I like to talk about a deep and meaningful subject, something that matters. That's also why I like going to therapy. It is definitely exhausting to talk when there's no real meaning to the conversation.

Yes that's the main issue I have - even though I don't like talking much, the flipside is that I can't reach out to others when I'm struggling emotionally. I'm very good at appearing like I'm fine or don't even have emotions. The concept of reaching out for support is alien to me, although I'm better at it than I used to.

That's quite possibly the worst question ever. So vague and open-ended.

Personally I don't even like thinking 5 years into the future. Life is too short for that. I can't imagine most aspies being career-minded people who plan that far out. Maybe if their career path happened to be their special interest it wouldn't be so bad.

That's me. I often feel conflicted. I'm not happy being alone but I also despise the small talk. I have a real need and craving to talk "deeply" but I don't have many people I'm comfortable with close at hand anymore.

Also, I don't know how I'm supposed to get to know anyone if the only way is through shallow small-talk. Personally I don't even feel like sharing anything about myself if people are only going to give me 5-10 minutes of chatting. It seems cheap and unfulfilling. I really want to be able to sit down and relax and feel comfortable. It never happens though. Everyone's always darting around, always on the get-go. Never any time for anything but boring small talk with anyone.

I'd almost say I was the opposite, but I'm not sure.

I crave to have people around me who actually care about what I think, believe, feel, etc., but that could be the result of feeling so socially isolated that it would be nice to be the "center of attention" for a change.

In truth, I am guarded about who I will share information with, but I think that's because I've been hurt enough times that I don't trust people with certain things I consider personal.

i would say yes, yes, yes!

Hi redplanet---you have brought up a most interesting thing. My therapist worked with me on this very issue---allowing my feelings/emotions to be shared. What he said was that those of us who are autistic have difficulty sharing these private thoughts because it does make us feel vulnerable. I am very awkward at sharing them. Whenever I do I often feel sort of embarassed and want to retreat into privacy. He gave me a techinique to use. He told me to script out my feelings before hand, then deliver them like an actor would (like reading a script). I have tried this---it is easier, though I still get that awkward feel at times. Your technique sounds quite good. Thank you for sharing this most interesting challenge for those of us on the autistic spectrum.