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Mothers Day Hints for Men
Posted on Sunday, May 13 @ 11:38:18 EDT by | 
Why is it so hard for moms to take a break? What can fathers do to help?
First of all, struggling with taking a break from maternal responsibilities is normal. This is hard
for the mothers of typical children—who presumably have a little less to be preoccupied about
than mothers of children who have autism and other special needs.
So feeling overwhelmed by the enormous responsibilities of motherhood is normal, but when it
goes on indefinitely, it’s not healthy for a mother or her family. And fathers tend to begin feeling
left out and neglected. While I frequently write about fathers, I spend a good deal of my time as
a psychologist listening to mothers. Almost invariably mothers seem to be relieved when they
give voice to their struggles—particularly the guilt about not doing enough or missing something
they should have done or thought about.
Read Mothers Day Hints for Men
Opening up and connecting about upsetting situations can help. On the other hand, suggesting
that a mother do more to take care of herself often makes her feel worse. Listening to mothers in
at Alternative Choices, we hear that this can sound like just one more thing to do. Their lists are
already too long. And another thing they just aren’t getting right—even more guilt!
One mom even told me, “My life seems like one long day!”
In contrast, the average overwhelmed father seems to have less difficulty taking a break. On the
other hand, he may also have trouble talking about what he cannot fix or take action about. He
may shut down out of helplessness and emotional overload that he has no words for. The very
same man may love his partner and children passionately; yet he may feel left out, ignored, and
powerless.
This reaction offers no outlet for his partner’s feelings.
Still, most fathers admire when the mother of their children reacts like a mother lion with her
cub, doing everything possible to raise their child.
So for this Mothers and Day and every day really, here’s a plan for men:
-
Tell your partner how much you appreciate her and everything she does for your
children. Be specific about all the wonderful things she does and how hard she tries.
- Don’t do something. Don’t make suggestions. Volunteer to just listen to how she feels.
- Ask what you can do to make her job easier.
- Gently and persistently keep asking and showing up to do stuff.
This is how to be a good man in your situation. Help her to take a breath, literally and
figuratively. Let her know that she is indispensable. No one can do a better job. In the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes, “The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men—from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.”
Finally, remember the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their
mother.
This column is by Wrong Planet columnist and clinical psychologist Dr. Robert Naseef. He runs a practice in Philadelphia called Alternative Choices
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by BobY Saturday, January 19 @ 13:00:25 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) http://bobyamtich.com | | I like that keeping the love between partners is a focus. A close friend told me "I am not my children", and he described the love of his partner as "recognition". |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by TimT Sunday, May 13 @ 15:43:51 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message | Journal) http://christheals.org | | We Aspergers need overt & explicit advice to do well. Here's how to practically love your wife:
http://manofthehouse.com/
If you are still married (the odds are low), here's a couple of good books for them:
"Connect with your Asperger partner" by Louise Weston
"Loving someone with Asperger's Syndrome" by Cindy Ariel
Here's books for you:
"Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships" by Grandin & Barron
"The Power of Body Language" by Reiman
If looking for a spouse, here's a good book to give you a fighting chance:
"The Five Love Languages" by Chapman |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by Optimus Sunday, May 13 @ 19:51:01 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I whole-heartedly support the encouragement to do something nice for our wives on Mother's day (whenever that day might be, depending on the part of the world one lives in), but my overall enthusiasm for this "column" entry is limited.
First of all, for the text to make much sense, I have to assume that we're talking about stay-at-home wives who spend far more time with their children than their husbands. Second, I strongly disagree with the author on his definition of a father's most important contribution to his children ("to love their mother").
It is important that I, as a father, love and care for my wife, but even more important is it that I spend much of my time together with my children, teach them new things, etc.. It is important that mothers are not alone with the responsibility to pay attention to the children's emotional needs, their problems and their successes. Men and women are not equal, and it is surely not by accident that it takes both a man and a woman to make a child. A child benefits from having both parents' attention. Mothers understand some things that fathers do not, and vice versa.
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by ThinkTrees Sunday, May 13 @ 20:05:29 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | "Finally, remember the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. "
It's not the only thing a father can do, but it's the most important. Love is not only sentiment, it is also expression, and it is action -- thus propelling a series of constructive behaviours that are supportive, yes, but empowering and deeply rewarding to the father and children as well.
Great article. Surprising, and very thoughtful. |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by GYRO812 Monday, May 14 @ 01:35:46 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I'm in a different kettle of fish.
I am a male diagnosed with Aspergers and I am a solo Dad
Well at least I get the benefit of both Mothers and Fathers day.
Prefer Fathers day though as I don't really look my best in a dress on Mothers day LOL |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by lucas1314 Wednesday, June 06 @ 22:56:16 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | And most of the headset, this Pioneer SE-MJ21 using sealed disposable packaging, and effectively protect the headset. And the front cheap beats by dre [www.beatsdreaudio.com]transparent part to show the shape of the headset, consumer choice is very beneficial. The headset uses a single wearing system, connecting the closed shell, the middle of beats by dre for sale [www.beatsdreaudio.com] the joint rotation and folding of a certain length, strengthening the portability of the headset. SE-MJ21 fashion design, color bright and generous, in line with the aesthetic point of view of the young consumer groups. Playback beats audio outlet [www.beatsdreaudio.com]style, passing the consistent advantage of the pioneer, the low-frequency performance is to force the playback style suitable to enjoy pop, rock, and DJ tracks, you can bring a beats studio lamborghini [www.beatsdreaudio.com] more intuitive auditory impact. HTC Sensation XE is a equipped with a magic sound headphones multimedia smart phone, referred to beats studio kobe [www.beatsdreaudio.com] as G18,. HTC Sensation XE is using the aluminum unibody design, highlight the body with a little metallic finish, machine measurements is relatively large, more appropriate for men, its screen is a 4.3 inches beats by dre studio white [www.beatsdreaudio.com] large touch screen with a resolution of the QHD levels of 540x960 pixels, the overall picture effect is dazzling. |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by Nurylon Friday, June 08 @ 03:31:15 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Another note:: No mother should find rising kids a chore, and no mother should find it more of a chore just because their kid is different! That's a bad attitude and it's endorsed by the media. Also, if a kid were to complain about their mom the way their mom complained about them (and believe me, being a kid ain't easy) they might get a slap from the mother and society will just nod its head and say the kid deserved it! Is this right or fair? Absolutely not. And I will not apologize for this post! |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by gatchi Monday, May 14 @ 03:31:55 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I'm a little disappointed this article says it's aimed at 'men,' and that it's goal is to help just mothers, when these tips are appropriate for both mothers and fathers. The article also completely ignores that some mothers have women partners. And 'maternal responsibilities'? I know some partners still segregate the type of household work they do based on traditional gender roles but I was hoping the articles here would be more open-minded...
I appreciate the great intentions, but, questionable execution. |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by johnc Monday, May 14 @ 06:15:14 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I'm not in touch with my mother, or my father, and don't take very kindly to receiving emails out of the blue from some stranger lecturing me on how I interact with them. Go fuck yourself. |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by lucas1314 Wednesday, June 06 @ 22:55:37 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | And most of the headset, this Pioneer SE-MJ21 using sealed disposable packaging, and effectively protect the headset. And the front cheap beats by dre [www.beatsdreaudio.com]transparent part to show the shape of the headset, consumer choice is very beneficial. The headset uses a single wearing system, connecting the closed shell, the middle of beats by dre for sale [www.beatsdreaudio.com] the joint rotation and folding of a certain length, strengthening the portability of the headset. SE-MJ21 fashion design, color bright and generous, in line with the aesthetic point of view of the young consumer groups. Playback beats audio outlet [www.beatsdreaudio.com]style, passing the consistent advantage of the pioneer, the low-frequency performance is to force the playback style suitable to enjoy pop, rock, and DJ tracks, you can bring a beats studio lamborghini [www.beatsdreaudio.com] more intuitive auditory impact. HTC Sensation XE is a equipped with a magic sound headphones multimedia smart phone, referred to beats studio kobe [www.beatsdreaudio.com] as G18,. HTC Sensation XE is using the aluminum unibody design, highlight the body with a little metallic finish, machine measurements is relatively large, more appropriate for men, its screen is a 4.3 inches beats by dre studio white [www.beatsdreaudio.com] large touch screen with a resolution of the QHD levels of 540x960 pixels, the overall picture effect is dazzling. |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by JonnyBoy Thursday, May 17 @ 23:57:34 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | This really should have been called "Mother's Day Hints for Husbands". Not all men are married, you know! |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by huytongirl Sunday, May 20 @ 15:10:57 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I got an email about this. I have set my profile page here so that I do not get emails. I'll go back and see if I can block this address (it's a lousy old email account so maybe not). Anyway - how about respecting my wishes not to be spammed?
Also - I'm an adult Aspie and I am sick to death about reading about the problems of marrr-meees who struggle with bringing up people like me. I thought this was an adult aspie site?
Oh, and I'm in the UK, so Mother's Day was months ago.
Intrusive, patronising and culturally insensitive: three in one - bravo!
Get lost. |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by Vomelche Monday, May 21 @ 02:11:20 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | While times are changing, a lot of mothers still are carrying the weight in the family and this day is to recognize them. |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by TheDarkMage Sunday, June 10 @ 14:22:12 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) http://freakgeekunique.co.uk | | I wonder if there will be a similar article for fathers day telling women how to care for the father of their kids - no, thought not. |
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by Pl8nhed Saturday, July 21 @ 12:54:34 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | The sort of evangelical self-absorption that bullies Aspergians at every turn; kudos for recognizing the helplessness of this forum population to your preaching.
claiming not to not understand -more bullying self absorption, particularly from a site that claims to have some insight into our POV. Get a blog, and leave the asperger email list alone. Why did I ever give you psychopaths my email?
Having kids is hard, most of us here aren't equipped to do it, and stay away from people who do, for fear we'll either kill it or become like you, full of advice for an audience of people nothing like us. Be an aspie and get some self awareness about your lack of self awareness, and realize nobody wants instruction on how to handle situations we're not equipped to handle, with the implication that we should rush out and do just that. |
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