If I am mean..

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If I make a post attacking you for something that never happened please know that its not intentional. I have no control over it or what I am saying. I have seizures that cause me to lash out and attack people. (these verbal attacks are a major improvement from the ones I had as a child where I went around chasing people with a garden weasal while threatening to kill them). The best thing to do is nothing if you are my target (if you aren't my target feel free to immediately send me a message letting me know I seem to be angry for no reason.Just realize that criticizing me for my behavior at the same time will likely cause me to give you a very detailed list of why the person in question deserves everything I am saying) It is important that I am made aware of these remarks because I cannot tell that I am having such a seizure while it is happening, and I may have no memory of engaging in the conversation once the seizure has passed. So I need your help to know if I need to contact my doctor because my medicine isn't working as it should be.

If you are my target replying to deny what I'm saying before the seizure is over will only cause me to become angrier because you are denying that which is unable to be denied, which will cause me to have another seizure, which will cause me to be angrier and have even more reason to continue. I may even say I'm not acting the least bit upset towards you and honestly and truly believe that. If its something you feel you need an apologize for, wait at least two days then send me the link to the conversation. While the seizure is going on, your denying that you have done that which you have not done will be the same to me as if you were holding up a red crayon and calling me an idiot because I said it wasn't blue.

I feel it important to warn you of this is I was just banned from another website for this behavior that I have no control over. I was convinced I had valid reason for my anger - even quoted and re-read the very offensive message I was referring to several times. I thought the re-reading it many times throughout the day meant I couldn't possibly be misinterpreting what was said as I read the same message every time. But when I looked over it the next day the message was not only Not demeaning people like me, it was supporting what I had said on the issue.

I think part of the main problem with this recent situation is that I was watching sliders, and at the same time I was posting some of those messages too. I was covering the screen during most of the flashing and I wasn't noticing any shaking after watching the flashing that I didn't cover so I thought I wasn't affected by it. But now I think I'm wrong about that.

I'm also going to try and stay off the computer all day if I can tell I had a seizure during the night as the incident Im referring to happened the day I woke up in a position and with mouth wounds that indicated I had a bad seizure that night

Last edited by Triangular_Trees on 20 Aug 2008, 11:27 pm, edited 3 times in total.

you were holding up a red crayon and calling me an idiot because I said it wasn't blue.

yeah. everyone knows that crayon wasn't green. duh.

um, no seriously, i am not sure what you are talking about, i just love that crayon line. i hope you do not stay feeling upset for long. i have not noticed anything "mean" from you. but of course, i don't see everything.

-amanda is a treehugging hippy

*hug*

I would like to understand this better.
Is this a known condition with a formal name?
Is there something I can look up?
Not that I think too highly of experts, but sometimes they are articulate about their confusion.

That was a good post - you seem to be very aware
of yourself and things you do, i respect that.

I've sent you some links that will help explain more clearly. I have absense, simple, partial, complex partial, and myoclonic seizure and sometimes, though thankfully rarely, the complex partial ones secondary generalize into tonic clonic, all originating in the frontal temporal lobe. Primarily the left frontal temporal lobe, but sometimes the right one, or both simoultaneously

I was having complex partial ones when I was punching/kicking ER doctors. Thank goodness I had had a secondary generalized seizure before that as my seizure behavior of attacking people had already once before been misdiagnosed as schizophrenia. This time around I was being put more into the category of somatization disorder (like hypochondria) because my complaints were so varied and no one was finding a reason for them. Its really annoying when you go from specialist to specialist for three months, tell them that you have poor memory, and oftentimes don't have the energy to sit up in bed, and the only thing you are told is "nothing is wrong with you. There is no reason you can't work." Like you wouldn't be able to get out of bed and would have to lie down after climbing the stairs in your house if nothing was wrong with you. Worst part is these were all doctors who knew my history of seizures and should have known that those seizures would cause these symptoms

The one I had in front of the psychologist caused me to see a mushroom cloud exploding on my right hand, but did not impair my concious to the point where I was unable to say that couldn't be happening or couldn't speak. I stared at my hand to convince myself that no nuclear bomb was exploding there, hoping that would help get rid of the creepy feeling. Afterwards the psychologist tried to ask me why I had been staring at my hand, and even though i could recall the mushroom cloud I couldn't come up with any words to describe to her what I had been seeing at the time. Luckily that seizure was about something unbelievable. I can just imagine what would have happened if rather than seeing a mushroom cloud on my hand, I had seen and heard her shouting epitaphs at me.

You did good to post this. Hopefully this will prevent a lot of misunderstandings. Have you pm'ed this information or a link to this thread to the mods? That might keep you out of trouble.

Yeah before I even had a need to post this. I put it in my signature when I first posted this but it wasn't until yesterday that someone asked me where to find this post that I realized I'd never activated my signature

It's good you posted all this. I can remember you said something mean to me awhile back but I let it go. Now I know why you might have said those two things to me.

*gasps*

Are you saying you have occasional
epileptic attacks in addition to having
an Autism Spectrum Disorder?

My gracious.

I wish I could say I was having occasional seizures. But in general I notice 3-5 on a good day and who knows how many I'm not noticing

i have had complex partial seizures...i do get irrationally angry during them sometimes, with NO conception that i'm being irrational. thank you to the few gods of whatever that seem to be on my side that mine come in "cycles" that seem to last no more than two or three days, and my heartfelt (truly, truly heartfelt) sympathies go out to you. could you send me the same links you sent the other poster who requested them? umm...or would that be awkward?

Well, at least now I know that Garden Weasel is good for something!

I had a similar experience, I was banned from a blog because the blogger alleged that I was attacking her family. I felt like I was defending her boyfriend and sons against her male-bashing attitude. She is an extreme feminist or a "womanist" as she says. I have nothing against feminism per se but she is constantly bashing men, even (or perhaps especially) those who try to befriend her. She is also none to friendly toward white people (she is black), though her boyfriend is white, and her sons are thus half-white. She is always barking in Communist-speak about "privilege", "white privilege", "male privilege", etc., and claiming that it is demeaning for her to treat people like human beings unless they meet her criteria for "owning their privilege."

Still, I guess I could have been over the line for bringing her family into it. Here is a link to a post about it on my blog, which in turn contains links to her blog so you can see her side of the story (a courtesy that she would not extend to me):
http://funktardtroll.blogspot.com/2008/ ... unist.html

I can control what I say but often don't realize I've crossed a line til its too late. I really do try to be nice to people who are nice to me, and even people who are not nice, like this blogger, I try to respect, though I do sometimes have trouble containing my temper.

That's what it all comes down to. It took a while, decades of making excuses for people who don't deserve it. The bottom line is that people with good intentions will figure out that you have good intentions. Some people are just emotionally dishonest and paranoid, right down to the core of their being, and assume that everyone is lying and out to get them. Their logic is totally self-serving, circular, insane. You will never win with that kind of person. My "just walk away" instinct when I was a kid was right all along.

My mom has a similar problem, around the same daily amount you describe, though hers are a little more socially acceptable (they manifest as weird sudden attacks of uncontrollable sobbing.) I am so sorry you have to go through this. *Mental hug*

Not a golden mean topic

I have witnessed seizures, but how can you type something that requires conscious thinking while having a short circuit in your brain? Please clarify.